A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some help here. I recently broke up with my girlfriend (now ex) (we were together since I was 18 and I am now 20). I was pretty sad about the whole thing for a while and I moved to a large city from the small little town I grew up in. I met a stunning girl and we hit it off straight away. I also started a band when I settled here and we became successful very quickly (at least in the general area I stay in). My problem is that my girlfriend does not approve of my behaviour onstage. She saw us playing for the first time on Saturday night and she was shocked at what we do up there. Another problem I have is that I tend to drink a lot before each show because I'm a rather shy person and it's a way for me to deal with stage fright (I realize that this is going to become a big problem one day but please focus on the current situation). How can I get my girlfriend to understand that what I am as a performer is not what I am as a person? She doesn't approve of the drinking either but it's the only way for me to deal with this right now. I definitely can't change my behaviour onstage because it's a large part of my band and changing it would mean sacrificing my dream (playing music has been a large part of my life for the last 3 years). Thank you very much for you help.
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female
reader, shaashiie  +, writes (22 December 2008):
 Tell her everything you've told us. Talk this out with her, you're in a relationship so you should be able to share your hopes and dreams and you should each understand and respect where one another is coming from. Make her feel secure at the same time, tell her how much you care for her and you don't want to lose her over something like this. If she cannot understand or accept this then she can't accept you, and do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can't accept you for who you are and won't support your dreams? I'm sure she is a great girl and will understand once you talk this out with her. Listen to her side and tell her yours, the key is going to be communication. Maybe you can give her a little shout out at your next show so she can see you have that character, but you still have her in your heart.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (22 December 2008):
You can explain that you are putting on a charactor when you go on stage and that it is not really you.
It's just like Marylin Manson. He's one person on stage and completely different at home.
Good Luck!! xx
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