A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i recently seen a post about someones boyfriend will only get engaged cos she wants to i am in the same situation ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years now we have no children we went out for a meal last week with family and they asked us if we wil ever get engaged/married my boyfriend said no at first then said i would get engaged only cos she wants to we got home and i asked him what he meant by that he said he would probably get engaged to me if he thought thats what i wanted but he doesnt really want to get engaged naturally i felt a bit hurt by this as i thought our relationship had a future now im not so sure how do i sort this situation out thank you
View related questions:
engaged Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2016): Oh my dear, You are in the ultimate Stale-Mate if there ever was one! It's a draw and this game is over already. Either start a new "game" with him, or start looking for other potential players to engage in a faster paced jockey for a win-win end to it... Good Luck in choosing your partners!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2016): Personally I don't get the point of being engaged unless you actually have the mony to get married and set a date. Pretty much everyone in my family is engaged, no-one is married. I don't get it. Already told my boyfriend, don't ask me unless we can actually do it! You don't have to be engaged just because you have been dating a couple of years or more. However it is nice to know that you both have the same intentions. A friend told me 'if you don't know after 2 years you want to marry the girl, then split up'. If you have been together 5 years you probably have talked by now about what stuff you want in the future, marriage/ kids etc and made sure you are on the same page. If not, maybe you should have this talk as sounds like you might want different things, better to know now.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2016): If your plan is to get married; remaining with someone who is indifferent or doesn't want to get married, is a waste of precious time. He is immature and probably likes the option of being able to walkaway when he's tired of being with you. He gets the milk without buying the cow.
Be that the case, your family tossed you a hint. To poop or get off the pot. They put you both on the spot. To force you in particular, to assess your situation.
Imagine the conversation your family must have had regarding that douche-bag response he gave. Without giving it any thought, before letting it roll out of his mouth.
If he told you he doesn't want to; then it's up to you whether to stick around and let another five years roll by. Why are you asking us how to sort it out? He doesn't want to marry you. Set your own priorities.
You both have to be on the same page throughout the relationship, having the same goals in-mind. I cannot see the least bit of logic in sitting in hope that he may change his mind. His answer seems pretty straightforward to me. In my opinion, if a man has not made-up his mind to marry a woman (or a man) after a five-year stretch; the odds are high that he has no intention of doing it.
By the age of 30, your careers should be flourishing, you should have your financial goals in place, and it should be well-established between you and your partner if you plan to marry. If he's broke. I'd say you're fine just the way things are. If you're broke, that may be why he's not enthusiastic about it. That, and what his idea of what wife-material should be. Perhaps he just thinks you're better-off being a girlfriend.
Maybe in the future? How much more time are you willing to wait?
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (20 July 2016):
 Cut your losses and dump this character now.... before you invest any more of your heart and soul in to a "relationship" which has nowhere to go.....
Good luck..
...............................
A
male
reader, leo1  +, writes (20 July 2016):
 As long as he loves you, take care of you and royal to you, that is what every relationship want, even marriages, talk to him about how you feel and how marriage is important to you maybe he will change his mind.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 July 2016):
 Maybe he just does not see marriage in his future, plenty don't. You need to talk to him about this and tell him if it is a deal breaker for you or not. It doesn't mean he cares any less for you just because he doesn't want to get engaged.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 July 2016):
 Some people just don't buy into the whole marriage thing. I've heard my own friends say they never want to get married. It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want a long term relationship, just that they don't feel the need to marry someone to commit to them.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2016): Your boyfriend has no reason to want to get engaged because he stands nothing to gain by marrying you. He currently enjoys all the benefits of marriage while retaining the freedom to walk out at any moment with absolutely no further obligation or responsibility to you. And presuming you've already been playing house for a few years, is there really any practical difference between being a shack-up girlfriend and live-in fiancee?
If marriage is so important to you then you should have made that explicitly clear before you agreed to move in with him. As it is, he's simply following the sage advice my late grandmother would have offered: "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (20 July 2016):
 Not everyone sees marriage in their future; that doesn't mean he doesn't see a future with you, just that marriage isn't a step that he wants to take.
You have to figure out if him doing it because he knows it's what you want is something you're okay with, or if they need to want it badly too. If you *need* them to want it badly too, you're with the wrong guy.
This is the best compromise you can get from him. Is it enough for you?
...............................
|
