A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently had my phone stop working, so i was using my girlfriends phone to contact people for awhile and she recieved a message of a screen shot of a message she had deleted on her phone. The message was her trying to pick up a guy she met at a bar, i saved and forwarded the message to my brother to keep before she deleted that as well. After some research i had more than enough evidence it wasn't some mishap (facebook messages to a guy who's number was the one that sent the picture). The night she had come home from the bar on this night she said very little and seemed either disgusted or guilty towards me. Normally shes all over me, but after that night she wouldnt even look at me and pulled away if i tried to just touch her at all.After confronting her about it she got what appeared to be flustered, first got angry then sympathetic then the cover up (or true?) Story that her friend had asked her to send the messages. So i accepted that answer for the time being, but upon reading messages between her and her friend there was no mention on the story at all. Only her asking if the person on facebook was him, and a mention of the guy buying my girlfriend drinks all night. I even went 1 step further to confirm the story with her friend which she seemed to have no recollection of asking my girlfriend to message this guy. Also that this guy wasnt interested in my girlfriend's friend neitherAfter a second confrontation the new story is that she sent screen shots of the messages to her friend and deleted only the screenshots and mention of her claim completely, and all i could say is that doesnt make sense. Which it doesn't, why leave the evidence of him buying her drinks and her trying to find this guy on facebook but not something that looks like something she would normally openly tell me about. The biggest problem i have is her friend is well known as a compulsive liar, but as it appears my girlfriend seems to be too. Making up things that make me look bad to her friends that never happened. So im at a standstill looking for adviceI can't live with her the rest of my life wondering, this has been an issue for me for months now. I brought up restoring her phone to try and bring back the "deleted" messages but she said "I dont know if i want to be with you if you dont believe me". There's 0 evidence backing up her story and it really doesnt match up.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 July 2016):
 Do you feel you can trust her now? If not well then am sorry to say that this relationship is probably coming to an end, which is probably better off in the long run for you, as you deserve to be with someone who loves you and won't mess you around, good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks the input makes me feel like im not so paranoid! I will eventually bring it up again for sure.
As for going through her phone, the deleted message was sent while i was messaging my carpool on her phone and thats what began me looking further. I didnt look because i was suspicious untill after the message came up. You cant tell me you wouldnt do the same. It was just a right place right time kind of thing (or wrong place?)
Additionally there was other times i found upon looking further now that this has come up, that she just denys happened at all.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (11 July 2016):
I think you know deep down that she cannot be trusted, she has lied to you, she is hiding messages from other guys to you, so if it was me I would end it with her, because it does not sound like she can be trusted, she blamed her friend instead of being honest with you, she is not someone who I would want to be with. I know you probably love her and want things to work, but I don't think you will be able to completely trust her in the long run.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (10 July 2016):
She's cheating. This is probably the only story you KNOW of. Every moment you stay from this point forward is completely your own fault.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 July 2016):
 I would be honest with her and tell her:" I don't trust you or your story, I know I should because you haven't given me reason to NOT trust you in the past, but this episode you HAVE -it's iffy."
"Now you can choose to ignore how I feel or you can restore the phone and show me I really HAD nothing to worry about."
If she tells you again, that she can't be with you because you don't trust her, then tell her YES that is TRUE, she wouldn't want to be with YOU either if she felt she couldn't trust YOUR words, would she?
So for me, this is the Mexican Standoff - the ball is IN her court. If it's MORE important to her, that you BLINDLY trust her than show you she has nothing to hide, maybe this relationship is at it's end.
Personally, I would walk away if she feels like this is ALL your doing.
Because in ANY relationship there comes a time where things gets murky, ALL relationships have some "drama" and it ALL comes down to HOW the people work it out .. or not.
While I DO feel you did a BIG BAD offense yourself, by going through her phone - you didn't HAVE to do that to make a call or send a text.. you CHOSE to go through her phone and sorry OP that's NOT OK either. But here you are, BECAUSE you went through her phone, so time to deal with it. If you can't let it go and she doesn't care... well, then you know. SHE doesn't care or... she has something to hide.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 July 2016):
 She's a liar.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (9 July 2016):
 I think your gut reaction is right. Call it a day. You can't trust this one.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 July 2016):
 Well you have evidence of her chatting this dude up but it doesn't mean to say that anything actually happened and you're never going to find out for certain because all you have is her word.
She does sound like she is acting very strangely about the whole issue which suggests she may have something to hide.
She's also basically giving you an ultimatum 'Believe me or else I'm leaving you'
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