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I'm having trouble getting over my ex girlfriend, how can I move on?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Long distance, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 July 2007) 11 Answers - (Newest, 24 June 2011)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm having trouble getting over my ex girlfriend. We broke up over 15 months ago. I've dated a only few (less than 3) girls, but no-one compares to her. She recently met a guy and I know she's dating him, but I can stand it. How could I let her go? I still love her and I know I'm still in love with her. I just can't stand back, knowing someone else is with her. A big factor to our mutual breakup was distance. She's about 5 hours away and she says it won't work out. (not yet she says) I'm starting to get rid of pictures of her and any belongings that I have which reminds me of her. Any advice to help me move on?

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, move on, my ex

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A male reader, hurt4too_long United Kingdom +, writes (24 June 2011):

Hey mate,

Just read your story after searching the internet for answers to my own problems...

Your situation sounds similar to mine. In as much as, I'm still feeling totally gutted almost 2 years after losing the girl I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. My soul mate I guess. No matter how I try to convince myself that the relationship wasn't a healthy one from the start. I just can't stop thinking about her. Every now and then I'll check out her facebook page and that just reopens old wounds. I've moved away from my home city mainly because I couldn't handle the thought of bumping into her with someone new and also because there were just too many memories there for me. But now I find myself really alone.

Anyway man look, I just wanted to ask really whether your feeling any better now? I know you originally posted on here a good couple years ago. But if you get an email or something to let you know I've written on here perhaps you could reply, just to let us know how things are now? I really hope you've found some peace and life is on the up??

Take Care

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A male reader, Lorenzo South Africa +, writes (28 November 2008):

Dear Friend I know exactly what you going through. i have been in a 7 year relationship with my ex and we broke up Feb this year. I love her to bits constantly can't stop thinking about her, she is with someone else now and she makes like I don't exist anymore. I have been in hospital for a stress induced panic attack was diagnosed with post-traumatic depression and i'm recovering but I have learnt alot from this relationship, that no matter what life throws at you, you gotta take it like a man because what does not kill you only makes you stronger. the only way to move on is to not keep in contact with that person. because they will end up missing you and wanting to see you again. And i was always taught that there are alot of fish in the sea.

Keep well Lorenzo

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008):

I will too say that I relate to a lot of the same heartache and sadness. I am a 30 yr old male, recently with a 24 yr old girl. I honestly believe we may not had been right for each other to begin with but, I loved her so damn much. I still do. For the most part, I was the problem in the relationship and it caused her to walk away from me. It isnt the first time my insecurities, jealousy, anxieties have affected a relationship. If this is the case with anyone else on here, you need to find the root of these evil's before you will be able to make anyone else happy. I think this is another topic though.

I sit here now obessively thinking about her. Who she will be with, what he will look like, the things they will do, etc. But...IT DOES NO GOOD. These things are out of our control. LET GO. Easier said than done. :(

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A male reader, enotil Philippines +, writes (12 October 2008):

im having the same problem here she was 28 i was 20 we had a long distance relationship she was from another country which was half the world away...

its hard to get over someone seriously...ive had numerous other girlfriends besides her and yet i still cant let her go even though im married with a kid...shes so nice to talk to nice to kill time around with, we would talk for hours and never did we fight for 5 months.

5 freaken months of us being together was the best moments of my life.

i still think of her i know i love her i God bless her soul.

my story is probably the same with all of you guy...i know the heartache agony and everything.... i know everything reminded me of her, from myspace to pictures to everything i listen to: music movies. i still wish that maybe we could have gone further for our relationhip... i know i cant be with her anymore and i know i cant ever see her again. but heres the thing, i have to live with this...i have to...if not then how am i ever going to live without thinking of her, its physically impossible and emotionally.

forgetting her i the last thing i could do...i know its hard, i cry at times. but i have to cope with this...i have a son now and a loving wife. what more can i ever ask for, truth is i love my ex and will alway will, but loving her i not enough to get over her.

you have to admit that you love that person or else youll never get over her

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A female reader, sexylime United States +, writes (19 December 2007):

its all a mind game meaning u are remenizing on something that is not really there it is built to destroy yout happiness u need to real;ize that u are thinking about the past on how she was back then and u need to realize that..thats not the way she is now ..remember noone ever stays the same people change trust me... u need to realize what u have in front of u b4 u lose it for ever it will never come back because of ur ex u going to lose someone that is right there in front of u..lets say u do go back with ur ex.. u do know u are going to be thinking about the girl u are with now right? if u do have a girl now and u still think about your ex let me tell u something if u do go back with ur ex u will lose the one u are with now hen u are going to realize that it wasnt worth it going back with ur ex or getting any of those flashes because u are going to want to go back with the girl; that u are with now and it will be too late for that,,,so do urself a favor and realize that its a mind game that plays around your head to make u think about unnesecary people when reality kiks u in the face i hope u know that all that thinking about the ex was just plain BULLSHIT she will just be another ex to you someone in the past that wasnt worth it someone that wasted ur time and ur do ur self a favor and realize that things do change and unless u do something about it u are just called a loser...sorry thats how it is so do urself a favor and realize that she is not the same person as b4 if u do go back with her u will onli get ur heart broken with lies and disaster....when in fact u can take the other path and be happy with someone thats going to love u for who u are and someone as precious as u think and when u do be with that person..that person will make u forget about everything in the past because to be honest u are not getting good flashes those flashes are built to destroy ur relationship and once u go back to the way u are u will start MISSING the things u do now with your love one and u will get stronger flashes then what u get now u know why???? because the girl u are with now is REAL LOVE ,,,, so i hope u learn ur leasson and dont take 3 steps foward and 10 steps back because if u do go back to your ex remember when u start getting flashes and start missing the one u are with now it will hit u harder because u are going to realize that u dont really want to be with ur ex it was just a flash and then it will be too late to be the man u are now... so be verry fragile with ur heart always remember that ur heart is fragile and u must take care of it and not let anyone break it thats why u should be happy and give that fragile heart to someone who really deserves it.. love your friend silkpassion please right back at [email address blocked]

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

I wake up in the morning and all i can think about is my ex girlfriend fucking her new boyfriend and not me. I think about her all the time no matter how hard i try my brain won't shut off i feel like im obsessed with her last time i talked to her she told me to go fuck myself and it hurts like a motherfucker. We were together for 5 years and in those 5 years she admitted having an affair to me and cried and hugged me wouldn't let me go even though i was mad she insisted that she made a mistake so stupid me i took her back. that would of been 2and a half years into our relationship after the affair i never had the confidence i used to and always doubted myself and could never trust her even though i tried. she kept blamming my ex girlfriend saying she fucked with your head but it was her all along. It only took her a week to find a new fucking bf. I don't understand why i feel for her because im sick of thinking of her and it's hard to pick up the peices and move on. How can i move on

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007):

I can relate to your problem as well, broke up with an older woman about year and half ago. Although I started dating right away I still think of her sometimes. I had done some research on this, there are few key factors I would like to share with you. 1. You must get rid of everything that reminded you of her. Pictures, CDs, Videos, Undies, etc. 2. You must realize you are not in this alone, there are millions of people going through similiar experience, sometimes much worse. 3. Get out, and feel good about yourself, buy new cloth, go out dancing, bring up your confidence. 4. Find a hobby to distract you, painting your house, collect stamps, anything. 5. Remember not to think of her too highly, there are things that made you love her, and part of your heart will probably love her for a long time, you can't expect to turn love to hate instantly. Thats when you are troubled, conflicted, and confused. Just realize part of you will always love her, maybe you 2 can be friends some day, but for now its good not to be in contact. Hope this will help you. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2007):

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm still going through a similar thing. My b/f of 7 years and I broke up about two years ago over something stupid and then it turned out he liked some girl he was working with. he got with her like a month after we broke up and three months later she was pregnant and then six months later they got married. i still see him around the city and he always looks right at me and everytime he does, my stomach starts hurting and my heart beat picks up. i still think about him everyday and it drives me crazy bc i am actually married as well (for about a year) and i'm just trying to get over him. not sure what else to do. everytime i think i'm finally over him, something pops up that makes me think of him and i have to start all over again. could this just be a psychological problem???

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007):

I know exactly what you are going through. I am going through it now too. Really really horrible and painful. We made out on Friday night, and on Saturday in a party, she starts kissing another guy !! I just broke down. My knees gave up. That image still flashes in my mind every few minutes. Really really terrible. I know i will get over it. And I don't want to be a looser in mourning over it and all. But hell it pains. I need to find something to take my mind off that scene.

My stomach still curdles and I am definetely having a weird reaction in my body. Never thought emotional trauma could affect body sooo much !!!!

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2007):

Sweet-thing agony auntI agree with DJ. Stop all contact with her. The less you know about her life the better you will be. After my b/f's ex-girlfriend broke off their engagement it took him about 4 years to get over her (and I'm still not sure he really is) because he surrounded himself with pictures and tokens that reminded him of her. He also kept in contact with her for more than two years after the break-up, even though she was living more than 1000 miles away. Every time they'd talk, he'd become depressed about a new b/f she was seeing, or when she got engaged and later got married. Although he started seeing me about 2 years after their break-up, I practically had to perform an exorcism to get her out of his system. I started with the tokens around the house, next was the hundreds of pictures he still had on his computer. Finally I had to ask him to stop contacting her. It's been a long haul for us, but I feel like he's finally starting to heal and focus his energy on our relationship. Good luck!!

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A male reader, DJ8433 United States +, writes (17 July 2007):

DJ8433 agony auntIt sounds like your doing the right things. Dating other women, getting rid of her things. When there is a breakup, sometimes it's mutual, but most of the time one person wnats it more than the other. It's painful being on the receiving end. When someone dies, the one's close to them go through something called stages of "the grieving process". What you are experiencing is the same process. DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE . Some people experience all of these, some people go through the quickly, some people take longer, some people go through them several times. The fact remains that you are normal. When my x broke it off with me, I went through the process, but she kept trying to mess with my head by calling me and showing interest again. I didn't want to keep feeling like I was having my heart ripped out every time she called, so I asked her politely never to call me again. She didn't call, I didn't call, we moved on. It's up to you what you want to do, because you are in control of you.

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