A
female
age
36-40,
*enada846
writes:I have written here before and I'm having a difficult time being alone- I have realized the pat friends and boyfriends I have had have all been toxic but have filed some void. Lately I have tried to keep busy and be alone but it's driving me nuts- I desperately do not want to go back to partying and hanging out with the in crowd but I feel like I'm just waisting my life away staying home Saturday nights and reflecting . It's so contradicting cause the people that make me upset and treat me bad somehow used to fill my void with something. Lately in trying to dirach myself from drama I've isolated myself and it feels so quiet and lonely. All I do is work and spend time with my family but it's like I can hear all my insecurities screaming. I m so lost - has anyone felt this way? Has anyone gotten out of this stage? I don't know what to do besides chase men and fill these voids- it's pathetic but nothing else interests me- this is all I've done for the last 10 years and this cycle 6 months into breaking is driving me insane- does anyone have similar experience? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (3 October 2016):
I agree that going to clubs and dancing is one the worst places to find good guys who want to be with you, only for you.
At the same time, I think you need to learn to be happy being by yourself and building self confidence, then you won't fill that void with someone wrong. I think there are many ways to accomplish both of these at the same time, that are fun, too.
My suggestion is volunteering at something you'd love to help with, joining clubs to meet new friends, and joining sports group like Soccer fans or Hash House Harriers, where you can meet good guys.
When you volunteer, do something that's not stressful for you, but you'll feel good about. This will help with your self confidence and it's also a great way to meet new people. Remember, if you are not fulfilled volunteering in one activity, try something else.
With clubs, join something you really enjoy, like a movie club or hiking. Something you either would like to learn, or something you enjoy or are good at. Great places to meet people who share something in common with you, and will make you more confident because you're being more well rounded.
After you do those 2, try joining a sports fan club, or sports activity club. I'd recommend soccer or boating, because guys are usually nicer there, but if you have a favorite sport or team, it's a great way to meet new people, especially guys.
The other thing you may need is just to talk to someone. A lot of universities have community outreach programs where you talk to Doctoral students. Great place to talk with someone to get a simple plan to make your life more well rounded.
That's all you need, is to discover new ways of meeting people that are relaxed and easy going. I met a great girlfriend once teaching kids to learn to read.
I hope this helps
Good luck.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (2 October 2016):
 Being comfortable with yourself is a life lesson to be learned. Being alone isn't being lonely. Using dating as a distraction to avoid dealing with yourself, your insecurities, your problems, has proved a wrong move for you, as you have come to find out.
You now need to build yourself up. Confront insecurities and deal with them, fill your time with things that will make your higher you proud.
I could now give you a list of possibilities but it is better you find your own. Just remember that filling your time with shallow people who haven't helped you forward on your journey through life as given you nothing worthwhile except a few dubious memories.
...............................
|
