A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I don't want this to be one of those tedious questions that no-one can really answer, I just really need some help with this. I'll try and keep it short! Basically I am going to university in september and I am really REALLY worried about having to do the long distance thing with my boyfriend. Its not so much worry as the fact that it actually scares me. You see, its quite complicated, my ex and I split up because we couldnt do the long distance thing, he was close and then he moved away and it was too difficult. The whole time I was going through it, my current boyfriend was there for me, he's also my best friend. Breaking up with my ex, not being able to see him when we were together, watching our relationship slowly and painfully deteriorate and having to accept that I couldn't make it work were the hardest things I've ever had to do, and with my current boyfriend, its a lot more than what I had with my ex. We've been together longer, I lost my virginity to him, we see each other pretty much every day and I know that I love him. I've tried to be strong when I think about it, some relationships do last if they are strong enough and I know if we both try hard enough we can make it work but I just keep thinking "what if it goes wrong" "what if I cant see him." And the worst one of all is that even if it does work and we stay together, somehow I've got to make it through not seeing him. I don't want him to be a kind of weekend boyfriend, he is the most important person in my life and the thought of going to uni now is terrifying me. I'm trying to ignore it, mainly because I don't have a choice, I've accepted my uni place and I have to go so I can get where I want to be in life but also because I don't want to cry all the time yet, I've got plenty of time for that when I leave. Leaving in itself is scary enough, leaving my home and my family, but I'm going to have to go through it all without my boyfriend there by my side. I need him, and I don't know what to do. How can I possibly be strong enough for this? How can it possibly work? I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak either way aren't I? Please help :(
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best friend, long distance, lost my virginity, my ex, split up, university Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just really scared about it because I know no matter what i do, its going to be painful. Either way I am going to uni no matter what, so the only choices I have are breaking up with him before I go which isn't really an option or staying with him and doing my best. I'm trying so hard to be positive, I mean if I see him once a week and speak to him everyday on the phone or something.. thats way more than some people have and they stay together. I guess I would just have to get used to it. (this is also to the anonymous answer by the way)
The worst part of thinking positive, and feeling like I know it can work if we both try and want it enough, is the thought at the back of my head... realisticly, even if it does work, will it work for three years? Three years is a really long time. Argh, its such a horrible thing, I want it to work so badly. Maybe I should speak to him about it? we've spoken about it before but maybe if I talk about it more we will be more prepared...? But then I don't want to ruin the time we have together.. what do you think?
Thank you very much for your answers
xxxxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): i wish i coudl say something to make this easier for you, but i cant.
Let me tell you my experience and maybe that will put this into some kind of perspective for you.
a few years ago i started dating this girl, i told her straight away that i was leaving within a year for china to study martial arts. She didnt mind an said we would see where things went, near enough the time she told me that she loved me enough that our relationship would survive this.
sadly it didnt, as my departure date approached she tried to stop me going, i almost stayed, im glad i didnt because i knew id regret it and hate her for it, you have to ask yourself whats more important to you , do you want to throw away eveything you worked for.
i suppose in the end you have to decide, my advice is simple, think about the choices you have and the long term effects of both of them, not just the short term, I.E the pain of being away from him. Evaluate what possible future is worth pursing.
Remember, nothing worthwhile in life is easy
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A
female
reader, lexilou + ♥, writes (5 May 2008):
 If its meant to be it will be. On the other hand life is for living and you have to experience new things - if that means time away from your boyfriend then you have to go for it - you will serioulsy regret it if you dont go away because of this man and will hold him responsible and resent him. x
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