A
female
age
22-25,
*8em17
writes:arrhhhh this is probably the 4th time ive written on here wanting to know how to get my ex back!! its driving me crazy that i cant understand what he wants! he broke up with me over two months ago..he works too much and goes to uni so he said he couldnt give me what i wanted, which was attention and he felt terrible that i was always upset when he would always work and we never got to see each other. He told me i was the best girl ever n he will always be mine but that i deserve better. he wants to focus on himself without feeling guilty about me.. and he said he will always be in my life, i can call, email, text him n he wil always reply just not in a relationship.. i asked him if he still loves me, and he told me he never stopped so then why does he not want to be with me and want me n he rather me be with someone else!!?? sometimes i text him during the week and he never replies and i go absolutely crazy in my head.. i always email him saying if he respected me he would have the decency to stop leaving me hangning n tell me to leave him alone, if he ever cared about me he could show me that respect. and i give it a day n he would call, saying hes been very busy with work n uni n hasnt answered anyones text and that we can hangout on the weekend when he has the time.. its been like that for two months.. he wont reply during the week, but replies n sees me on the weekend.. i feel so insignificant to him now.. that our whole relationship meant nothing .. i know this was the whole reason we broke up but its killing me inside..i wouldnt mind being with him n only seein him during the weeknd ( we arent intimate and we dont show affection.. we purely wants to see each other because we enjoy each others company) how can i tell him n do i even have a chance?
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female
reader, sarcy24  + ♥, writes (13 August 2009):
 I am so sorry you are going through this. I too have been there and wanting and needing this person so much is not good for you. It's not good for your health or mental state. I know you are upset and desperately want him back but he is not interested any more. You know this, you must let him and the feelings go. You do need to sever all contact and not be available even if he does call however hard that may be. I can tell you are sitting there hoping he will text or call but let me assure you he is not thinking about you in that way. Sure if the weekend fits in nicely with his plans then that is great but he is making no effort here and you have to withdraw. To even stand a chance with him you must leave him alone so he has time to realise what he is missing. This has gone on for far too long and you are becoming obsessed with it as I was. I made myself very ill and became a minus 0 in size. Really it is not worth it because you are sitting at home all upset and they are out having a good time not thinking about you at all. They will see you as desperate and needy and no man in particular ever finds that attractive.
Please make the conscious effort to stop right now and not contact him again. The feeling will pass I promise you although it will take a lot of time.
A
female
reader, missy21  +, writes (13 August 2009):
As hard as it might be, you have to let him go. Give him space, dont call him, to look for him. Maybe he'll realize that he still loves you and comes back but before he realizes that, you need to stop all communication with him and if he doesnt then, you'll know he wasn't for you. Try and stay busy and continue with you life. This is one thing that has worked out for me. I hope this helps!!
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A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (13 August 2009):
 im agreeing with the previous poster here, hes trying to be nice and let you down as gently as possible, its obvious the guy cares about you but obviously he doesnt care enough to have a relationship with you. cut him off completely. see if he makes any effort.. i doubt he will because hes all wrapped up in his own life, and you my dear need to get wrapped up in yours!
if he does then ask him why the effort, if he says its for you tell him you are moving on with your life, without him holding you back. if he says because he needs you in his life ask him why its taken him so long to figure out that he needs you there, and why he pushed you out in the first place. after that the balls in your court. but dont be a push over hun, make him work for it. good luck, JD
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A
female
reader, IthacaEmpress +, writes (13 August 2009):
 He sounds like a pretty nice (but fairly typical) guy.
He's always going to care about you. You don't just forget/lose that stuff when a relationship ends. But he just wants to focus on himself and his life right now.
It sounds like though, that he's messing with you a little bit unintentionally. Because he's now in the perfect situation. He can have his cake and eat it too. When he misses you and wants someone to whisper sweet nothings to him, etc...you're there. He knows you love him still. But when he's too busy, you're not in a relationship so he doesn't have to feel bad about no replying to you.
It's not necessarily something he's doing deliberately. Certainly not to hurt you. But hun, YOU need to be the strong one and decide enough is enough. You deserve more than someone who'll use you like that.
Remember the amazing times you had and treasure the relationship for what it was, and let it go. This way, you can keep those fond memories, and not have them spoilt and your head/heart exploding into a million pieces over what he's doing to you now.
Be strong! You can do it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): Sounds like your ex is trying to let you down gently....
You also sound very needy and this is possibly what is driving him further away.
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A
female
reader, Fearless-x +, writes (13 August 2009):
 I think that he is just scared of being honest with you,
the best thing that you can do is move along completely, saving you alot of heartache, it may be hard, but you have to be strong enough to move on and realise that this will never be..
Time makes you stronger! :)
I wish you luck :)
Fearless-x :) x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): Look , the guy is trying to be nice to you, he doesnt want to break your heart. But he should have the guts to be honest with you. If he doesnt love you he needs to say it.
That being said, you need to look inside yourself and listen to that voice that is telling you what you fear most, that is that it is over and over for good this time. Allow yourself time to grieve time to get over him, cry your eyes out, do what you need to do, then dry your eyes and move on to the next guy.
You will get through this,
Hope this helps,
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