A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help, me and my ex have been getting on quite well of late, we were together just over a year and we have a 7 month old child, he's moved on, he's been with his new girl off 1-2 months, I also told him I was seeing someone also. (I lied)Since last week he has been calling me quite reguarly and a few times in the day not just about our baby but other stuff which could wait until he picks up our baby to tell me. Today he said to me that I've been telling people you are a good mum, and you do have a good heart and you are a good person and there's really nothing wrong with you.(meaning me) Sunday he asked what I was doing and who I was going with.He was also saying at the moment his self esteem is very low when it comes to you girls. (not sure what he meant by that.)Another turn around is for months and months I wanted us to take our baby swimming, he always refused and said he don't want to mess up his new relationship or upset his girl, beause she will get upset, so he can't come, but now he said he will come swimming with me and our baby, I would go on my own, but I can't swim. He keeps mentioning it, he said he hasn't got round to tell her because she is busy. He said he will talk it through with his girl, I then said to him if it's going to start arguments between you both then let's not bother, he was then quick to say no she will be fine with it. At the end of the day it's him keeps bringing it up not me.I sent him a text today to say if the friendship is real and no hidden agenda, I'm glad we are friends, and I know it will take a bit of time to build the friendship up again, but I'm glad we are not at loggerheads with each other anymore. That was about 1300 hrs ago its 21.18 hrs and no reply what do you think is going on? Because the way I sent the text left it open for a reply.
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my ex, self esteem, text Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (9 August 2007):
 It seems that he does not want just a friendship, but love. I assume this is what you call "a hidden agenda".
He just doesn't care about the other girl anymore.
You have been very civil with him, and, not only because you have to. You will be seeing each other for a long time, since you have a child. So, if you just want the friendship, which seems to be the case, you need to keep a very delicate balance between being friendly and polite and giving hope.
If you want the friendship, let him have contact with the baby, but don't have a close relationship to him yourself. For example, let him take the baby swimming, but don't go yourself.
If you want more than a friendship, you need to be aware that there were reasons why you split in the first place. You would need to deal with those first.
But, be very careful. The baby is in the middle.
Hope this helps.
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