A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm gay and have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. Last year he left everything, moved 120 miles, took a new job and moved in with me. Since moving in he has done nothing to help with keeping the house or paying bills unless I specifically ask. If I question him he says "I'm lazy. You knew this is how I was". He also has a large dog that he gives free run of "our" house as he calls it, and if I mention changing any rules he tells me I don't like him or his dog. He also discredits my opinions and talks down to me. I'm really stressed out over what to do and it's affecting my health. We've had several fights about this but he doesn't seem to want to change, and I can't live like this any longer. He does love me but I don't feel the same way any longer. If I tell him to leave he will be very upset, have to quit his job and move back home with nothing. I don't want to have to do this but I don't know what else to do. Can anyone help?
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male
reader, Bigbowser2  +, writes (5 March 2007):
 Being lazy, in my opinion, isnt a valid reason for acting the way that he does. Yes hes moved a long distance to be with you so he obviously likes you, but he cant carry on being like that or acting like that if he wont pull his weight. You cant let the fact that hes moved a long way to be with you, shadow how you are feeling now however. Its perfectly possible to move back and get a new job but they way hes treating you is blatently unfair.Sit him down and have a chat with him, If he cant understand you then he doesnt deserve to live with you and treat you the way he does. You do these things for him because he cares but at the same time what does he to to show that he cares for you?Remember that hes a bit younger than you and may have a bit of growing up to do but you have to let him know this cant carry on for much longer. Good luck friend
A
male
reader, realm +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Quite a predicament. Being lazy is not a valid excuse. He was better of lying than saying it was because he was lazy. Tell him things are not working out and you are losing your love for him. If he does nothing to save his own relationship than out the door with him and his dog too. You don't have to push him hard out the door, you could help arrange for him to have something to go to. Yes you really aren't obliged to give him something to go to but it would be wrong to let someones life go down the drain knowing we could have done something to help. You don't have to give him the out of your way type deed just something simple for him to work with, that way you don't have to have a guilty conscience about it. At your age and comparing it with his I assume you are to gullible with him. I would bet that you give him everything he wants without a word to say about it. I can't blame you. Being older and him being younger you feel that you can have a younger man at you age and letting him go would make you lose that confidence. Just remember you are unique without people, I would recomend you find someone a little more matured as this little Ute has some growing up to do. Your older and wiser you are more in charge than you think. Sometimes we have to grasp that horrible feeling to do something that makes us feel guilty or bad. If you don't take charge you will forever live as a slave to false love. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSome additional information to my original question. I am 38 and he is 20. He says I am not affectionate toward him or show any feelings for him and that I'm always tired. That's because I work all day then have to take care of everything when I get home. My health problems are due to the stress of everything. I know I'm not perfect by any means but I do what I can. I feel he just doesn't appreciate me or give me credit for anything. That's why my feelings for him changed.
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