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I'm gay and I don't enjoy sex! What can I do to begin enjoying it?

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 3 February 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi i am Gay male of 21, i av had sex many times but the one thing i cant seem to do is enjoy it, never have enjoyed sex at all, and im lost on what i can do to enjoy it, me and my partner have had sex yet, not just because of my problem but because he has pstd after year of sexaul abuse, so that in away is a good thing for me, (but not him). I love him very much but because i avnt been able to enjoy and i think were almost ready too, but im not ready too as i am afraid i wont enjoy it and because i wont he wont. Can anyone help and offer me advice with out lol or any rude comments to me this is a serious matter. Millzie

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A male reader, honeyross United Kingdom +, writes (3 February 2007):

honeyross agony auntSorry to hear about your problem

Gay sex doesn't have to be anal - many gay guys enjoy other types of sex. It seems as if sex has become more of an issue because you're both worrying about it. Try to forget about it and focus on other types of intimacy like massage and cuddling for a while. Eventually you might enjoy experimenting with other things.

Enjoy each other's company.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007):

I had the same trouble i found it painful at first but gradually got over it by,A lot of foreplay first kissing cuddling to relax you a bit then move on to a bit of oral.By then you should feel more relaxed to do anal.Use a water based lube KY is a good one.Most importantly do it slowly by inserting a bit of the penis at a time and stop at the point where it begins it hurt.When it begins to hurt tell him im sure he will understand and in time you will get use to it.Or failing that have a drink first.Im not joking but having a drink helped me loosen myself up LOL ;0)

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2007):

cd206 agony auntI know it probably makes you embarassed to be graphic about this but it does depend a lot on what the problem is. Maybe you've only had sex with inexperienced lovers before who didn't know how to be gentle. Or maybe it'd help to use lube on entry. Be patient with your boyfriend but when you do start having sex take it slow and maybe have a night where you focus on making the other person feel good. That was you can learn what the other likes when it comes to sex.

CD

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (1 February 2007):

cd206 agony auntI know it probably makes you embarassed to be graphic about this but it does depend a lot on what the problem is. Maybe you've only had sex with inexperienced lovers before who didn't know how to be gentle. Or maybe it'd help to use lube on entry. Be patient with your boyfriend but when you do start having sex take it slow and maybe have a night where you focus on making the other person feel good. That was you can learn what the other likes when it comes to sex.

CD

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A female reader, JulietteElise United States +, writes (1 February 2007):

JulietteElise agony auntDoes it hurt because it is too tight, or because it's a bit rushed? Do you always take your time getting ready, by useing lots of lube and toys that start small and gradualy get bigger untill it is comfertable for him to go in/you to go in? Sometimes though, esspically if you are large/wide going in will be too tight no matter what.... but.... i've heard of very large objects.. even fisting, with the ass so i guess nothing is impossable, though it does take a long time to loosen those muscles, not to mention you need to be relaxed during sex, esspically since its anal for you to beable to enjoy it. perhaps other partners where just to rough with you? But, belive it or not, there are many gay relationships that don't have sex, just oral. Perhaps he will only want oral too due to his past? However, i think you need to decide what it is you don't enjoy, weither it is painfull, or you just don't like them comeing in you, or the "mess" that might be on you if you go in them. As for the tightness relaxation, lube, and gradual size increations are key, and as for the "mess" you can have them not cum in you, or have them shower/douche right before. the "male's g-spot" should be plurserable though.... perhaps noone has ever hit it right during sex, or hit it too hard, or perhaps yours is more sensitive then other peoples so any pressure can quickly lead to discomfort or pain? I don't know how that can be fixed besides trying some diffrent positions, but during oral being fingerd there should be pleasurable. Since you said you were gay, i take it that you are comfertable with your sexuality, because one of the only other things i can think of would be if you weren't, and thus felt guilty or dirty for doing anal. However, i suppose you could just think that its gross to begin with due to what the area is biologicaly for.... but whatever the reasons, you will NEED to talk to you b/f about this, and the sooner before any plans for sex the better. as said, oral is still an alternitive, and if he still wanted something in him you could use a dildo or strap on. good luck, i hope i helped a little even though i am not a gay male.

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