A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently having a problem with my fiance. She's 27 I'm 29.The problem is she never gives me oral to completion, she will start and stop making sure I don't climax in her mouth. She seems to want to have sex after she sucks it for a bit so I cum inside her that way instead.But She loves it when I give her oral though, I don't stop untill she is fully satisfied and happy and she has no problem cuming in my mouth as she holds my head to the point I can bearly breath.I decided to do an experiment the other night, I did the exact same thing that she does to me, I kept stopping and it spoilt her enjoyment and I deliberately made sure she didn't climax. This made her very frustrated.To cut a long story short, we both went to bed unsatisfied that night.I would be grateful if anyone has any advise on how to fix thisKind RegardsFrustrated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): OP I think you have a few issues to sort out. Mostly your lack of respect for you fiancé, but also the fact that the two of you can't talk about it. Sex is best when it's about sharing fun and giving pleasure. If you prefer oral sex to full intercourse, especially when your fiancé climaxes from it then, in my opinion, you are being a bit selfish. Most of the girls I have had sex with don't like semen in their mouth. Respect your fiancé, she doesn't need to be a porn actress for you.One positive suggestion, have you tried 69? Maybe then her attention is diverted with her own orgasm and you get the chance to pop it in her mouth! You might only get one chance though so make the most of it.Mostly just try to have fun together, you can't make people like things the way you do, just try something different instead.
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 March 2015):
Also OP - you say that she orgasms through penetration and you do too, so I'm not sure why you say you were both unsatisfied after your 'experiment'?
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 March 2015):
'The point is that she uses penetrative sex so I don't cum in her mouth, that's how I feel anyway.'
There's a huge chance that's exactly what she is doing. She probably thinks that ensuring you orgasm through penetrative sex means you're satisfied without her having to do something she is uncomfortable with. I can only repeat what others have said and say that talking this through is the only way to resolve it, but you need to accept that she may say she doesnt want to do it at all.
Despite what is depicted in porn, many women don't like it when their partners finish in their mouth. For some it's the taste, for some it's the texture, for some it's just the idea of it. There are so many reasons why she could feel like that. And if that's the case, then that's her right and you'll either need to accept it or find someone else who feels differently. Can I ask you why it's so important to you that you cum in her mouth though? I never really understand the need for this when she's still making sure you orgasm - what's the difference where it happens?
'How do you not like something that you have never tried?'
I HATE this argument. It is only ever used by people who are trying to badger someone into doing something they are not keen on doing. It is, of course, more than possible to know you don't want to do something without trying it. For example, I know I wouldn't enjoy having sex with a woman because I'm not attracted to other women. Just like many men know they won't like having sex with another man, and they don't have to try it to know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2015): Just to be clear, there was pretty much no possible way for you to bring up this topic without being picked on.
I have seen men seeking advice on Dearcupid for oral sex issues that were totally mismatched in favor of the woman. At least half the comments were still indignant at him for daring to complain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): Do you watch porn? I'm betting you do... And you are expecting her to do what you see the women do in porn
Her behaviour is completely notmal as many women do not like a man to cum in their mouth and most men know and respect this
This is just another example of porn screwing up men's expectations of women's sexuality and what is normal
God help us
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 March 2015):
 I do NOT let someone hold my head down when I give oral. Giving verbal cues is the way I roll - as in "harder, faster, more, etc".
My advice hinges on the REASON why she starts and stops. I see three possible reasons:
1. She doesn't want to swallow. That's okay! But instead of starting/stopping, she needs to trust you with verbal cues, as in "I'm coming" or "I'm so close" so that she can pull back and use her hands for the finale. A good woman who doesn't want to swallow or have cum in her mouth can pull her mouth away without stopping your stimulation one single bit. All it takes is the the hand to simultaneously grip and stroke at the same time and the same speed as the mouth disengages (SORRY to the mods if that is too graphic, but I think the guys will thank me for that education!). I don't always feel like swallowing (alcohol or garlic makes semen taste funky), so I learned that trick to perfection. That's a trust thing, and you CAN NOT break trust by not warning her you're about to blow. I HOPE this is what she's worried about, because that is fixable with practice.
3. This one actually has some validity: When you give her oral to completion, sex can still occur afterwards. You do realize that if you finish, you have a refractory period that she doesn't have, meaning you're out of commission. Some guys tend to lose interest and stop the show after they've had their orgasm as well,and she may think she'll get left in the wind. How would you feel if after you give your wife pleasure, basically it means you don't have sex for a few hours afterwards? Frustrating, right? Well, both of you need new moves, so to speak. She needs to open her horizons to the ways that orgasm can happen, so that she knows that finishing you orally doesn't mean she doesn't get hers.
AND - I'll say this - there are times I know I may be too tired to achieve my own orgasm, but I want to make my husband scream, so I do it for him alone. Sometimes the very act of watching him get off and feeling it happen as I'm doing it turns me on, and then he'll see to me. But I love him - even if I'm not up for it, I've honed my oral pleasuring craft.
You need to TALK to her. For you not to verbally discuss it and instead pull a passive-aggressive "experiment" is nothing short of cowardly. If your goal is better sex and more fulfilling intimacy, then playing games achieves the opposite of it. You don't do that to her unless you've TALKED TO HER about it! No non-verbal language...come on now!
So sit her down and talk over the situation, and not just in the act or after a frustrating episode. I feel for you buddy, but if you're man enough to have sex, then you're man enough to voice your desires and talk it over. A truly mature couple would see this as a chance to improve or up your game.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 March 2015):
 What if... she doesn't LIKE cum in her mouth? MANY women don't like the taste or the consistency of cum. Now she DOES offer you another way for you to ORGASM & EJACULATION (by penetration).
Hinting with your body language means squat. You can't hint that you are OFFENDED she doesn't WANT to take your GUNK in her mouth.
As for her getting OFF by oral, well she isn't GOING to EJACULATE in YOUR mouth is she? But if you don't LIKE to GET HER OFF by using your mouth THAT is your right too.
You think sex is a TIT for TAT, it's NOT.
It's like when guys think ANAL is the best thing since sliced bread, but they would REFUSE to have a cucumber stuck up their OWN butts.
YOU need to TALK to her. The whole passive-aggressive "hinting" is not doing EITHER of you a favor.
And honestly, if she DOESN'T LIKE for you to ejaculate in her mouth, you NEED to respect it. JUST like SHE needs to respect if you don't LIKE have her PUSH your face in her lady bits.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes she orgasms through penetration, but the point is that she uses penetrative sex so I don't cum in her mouth,that's how I feel anyway.
Yeah I enjoy it when she holds my head down, I like to pleasure my woman and know that she enjoys it.
How do you not like something that you have never tried? How could you possibly know?
I haven't told her verbally that I don't like what she does but have kind of hinted through body language hoping she would understand.
But maybe I do need to talk it out with her, I just find that talkin can make things awkward, but how else is she suppose to know I suppose
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): Do you know that semen is a body secretion like mucus or phlegm? She has every right to refuse to swallow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2015): Talk to her? The key to a happy sex life is communication. If you don't tell her what she is doing wrong then how is she supposed to improve?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 March 2015):
 does she orgasm from penetration? most women do not.
do you like it when she holds your head so you can't breathe?
no?
perhaps she does not like your cum in her mouth?
have you ASKED her why she does not want to perform fellatio until you orgasm?
have you asked her WHY she wants you to bring her to orgasm with cunnilingus? '
if she does not orgasm from penetration (about 80% of women do not) then what do you want to happen?
oh have you told her you do not like what she does when you give her oral? if not how is she supposed to know this?
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