| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I'm in an LDR with an English guy (I'm in New York) and over the Christmas holiday I'm flying over there to spend time with him. During that time I'm meeting his family.I'm really nervous. In addition to normal nerves when meeting a boyfriend's family, I've also found out from him that his parents are very...well, not fond of Americans. Detest is probably the word. And I'm extremely worried about making a good impression on them.Help??
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female
reader, crystlay  +, writes (20 December 2006):
I think you shouldnt been nervous...i undestand nereves come naturally in this kind of situation but they should decide if they like u or not on your personality...they shouldn't judge you my your home country. just be polite and smile.
good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006):
Fort Erie appears to be a town of 28,000: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fort_Erie%2C_Ontario
Anyway I didnt mean that Europeans are holocaust deniers- I mean that like holocaust deniers some of them can be impervious to reason and fact. The internet has sprouted a thousant LaRouches. If the inlaws have a whole list of talking points about how there was no plane that hit the Pentagon, or how GM corn is an attempt at mind control you might as well not try to convert them.
The best you can do is stay of these kind of subjects and be pleasant. Even the worst types always have some actual interest that they enjoy talking about- trout fishing, horse racing, books- there is always something.
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A
female
reader, Nikita +, writes (20 December 2006):
 Hi anon, well i can see why you're nervous! I can sort of relate cos my daughter in law is American. She's from Baltimore and she was terribly nervous when she first visited here cos she had heard stories about how us Brits hate Americans. I assured her that this wasnt true. Some may do but not all. Your bf's family may have pre-concieved ideas about you but once they meet you and find out that you're quite normal, im sure they'll be fine. If you're really worried just look up a little English history and tradition but dont pepper every sentence with what you know, just drop it in now and then. Be yourself, be polite and helpful. offer to wash the dishes or make the coffee or tea. Take them little gifts when you arrive. ask your bf what they like. If after all your efforts, they still feel the same then they are the ones with the problems not you. Good luck and have a good xmas.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (20 December 2006):
 To the original question asker, contact me by my mail box, I can tell you some funny stories.
As for the other anonymous reply, Ft. Erie is a city. Wow, you've got a jaded view of Europeans. They're quite up on the holocaust too, our countries were in World War 2 years before the Americans. The war started in 1939. USA entered 1942 after being bombed by the Japanese.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (20 December 2006):
Contact me by my mail box, I can tell you some funny stories.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006):
There is a 'city' on the other side of the bridge? I dont know- would that be Fort Erie? Not exactly a city. Niagara Falls? Thats like 25 miles away. Oh well.
Anyway these Euro American haters are just like holocaust deniers- there is no point in debating with them. They have their prejudices and they "know what they know" and you arent going to talk them out of it.
Just smile, be pleasant and dont rise to the bait....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): Brunette - Proper Americans? Haha, never heard that one before. Thanks much for the advice!
Eddie - Thank you very, very much for that answer. I think you are absolutely correct in everything you said. I'm one of those people who cringes whenever they hear someone say "Only in America, blah blah..." I'm definitely not someone who believes the American way is the best. If anything I'd say I'm more critical of us than a lot of other countries! :P
You made some very good points and I will certainly take it to heart. I'm going to brush up on my knowledge of England so as not to sound like a complete idiot and be as polite and friendly as possible.
Thank you both so much, it's very appreciated!
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (20 December 2006):
OK, lets see if I can help. I'm Canadian, married to an American and I also live on the border. I've lived in the US too. The big question...How can you prove your future in-laws (or out-laws) they're wrong? This is going to be a little deep but I've got loads of experience and have a birds eye view from where I live. My wife's family live on the American side of the border, Buffalo, and we're there alot.
Here's the deal. Many people view the US for what it is, a very powerful country. Some people are jealous of that. Others just don't like the fact that the US govenment exerts it's muscle where it chooses, around the globe. So, many people form ideas and thoughts based on what they see, hear or experience. Many people in the US think that anything "not" done the American way is inferior and certainly, never better. For instance, Oprah has taken to saying, "only in America could this person be so successful" blah blah blah...That type of thing makes other people cringe. You see, when you live in the most powerful country, that doesn't automatically make it the best. It's a great place, no doubt, but there are many other great places too. Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Germany etc....come to mind. So when people make such wide statements, such as Oprah, it's said with pride but actually, not true.
As an example, you could never convince a guy in Iraq who's house got bombed that it's for the best, in the log run. He spent generations building it and it was gone in a flash. He will always remember his house is gone and who bombed it. But, the American person might say, it's to protect America. You see, America is everywhere, doing as it sees fit. In many cases, Americans don't see past their borders. They don't realize that not everyone wants to be in the USA or eat at Mc Donalds. (Except me, I like Mc Donalds)
Another example. I know many people on the American side of the border, Buffalo, New York, who don't know the name of city on the Canadian side of the bridge linking the two counties. They simply refer to it as "Canada." How could you live in a on a border all your life and not know the name of the city at the other side of the bridge? I've had people ask me how the weather was in Canada today. All I can tell them is look out the window, you can see Canada from where you are. They also ask if they can drive from Toronto to Vancouver in a few hours. Well, it's thousands of miles away, of course not.
So, I'm not saying you're one of these people but here's a hint. Do some research. Don't ask them if they've met the queen or tell them they have a funny accent. Don't ask them if they speak American. Don't laugh, it happens. Remember you're in the birthplace of our two countries. They were here before us. They gave birth to us..Canada,Australia, New Zealand, USA etc. Impress them with your knowledge of England. Accept what they do and don't always compare it to what you do at home, you're not at home. Be polite and show interest in what they try to impress you with. Be open minded. We're more similar than different.
I'm sure you already know most of this stuff but unfortunately, we're always judged by our weakest points, no matter where we come from. Prove them wrong. By the way, this was said with a light heart.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (20 December 2006):
OK, lets see if I can help. I'm Canadian, married to an American and I also live on the border. I've lived in the US too. The big question...How can you prove your future in-laws (or out-laws) they're wrong? This is going to be a little deep but I've got loads of experience and have a birds eye view from where I live. My wife's family live on the American side of the border, Buffalo, and we're there alot.
Here's the deal. Many people view the US for what it is, a very powerful country. Some people are jealous of that. Others just don't like the fact that the US govenment exerts it's muscle where it chooses, around the globe. So, many people form ideas and thoughts based on what they see, hear or experience. Many people in the US think that anything "not" done the American way is inferior and certainly, never better. For instance, Oprah has taken to saying, "only in America could this person be so successful" blah blah blah...That type of thing makes other people cringe. You see, when you live in the most powerful country, that doesn't automatically make it the best. It's a great place, no doubt, but there are many other great places too. Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Germany etc....come to mind. So when people make such wide statements, such as Oprah, it's said with pride but actually, not true.
As an example, you could never convince a guy in Iraq who's house got bombed that it's for the best, in the log run. He spent generations building it and it was gone in a flash. He will always remember his house is gone and who bombed it. But, the American person might say, it's to protect America. You see, America is everywhere, doing as it sees fit. In many cases, Americans don't see past their borders. They don't realize that not everyone wants to be in the USA or eat at Mc Donalds. (Except me, I like Mc Donalds)
Another example. I know many people on the American side of the border, Buffalo, New York, who don't know the name of city on the Canadian side of the bridge linking the two counties. They simply refer to it as "Canada." How could you live in a on a border all your life and not know the name of the city at the other side of the bridge? I've had people ask me how the weather was in Canada today. All I can tell them is look out the window, you can see Canada from where you are. They also ask if they can drive from Toronto to Vancouver in a few hours. Well, it's thousands of miles away, of course not.
So, I'm not saying you're one of these people but here's a hint. Do some research. Don't ask them if they've met the queen or tell them they have a funny accent. Don't ask them if they speak American. Don't laugh, it happens. Remember you're in the birthplace of our two countries. They were here before us. They gave birth to us..Canada,Australia, New Zealand, USA etc. Impress them with your knowledge of England. Accept what they do and don't always compare it to what you do at home, you're not at home. Be polite and show interest in what they try to impress you with. Be open minded. We're more similar than different.
I'm sure you already know most of this stuff but unfortunately, we're always judged by our weakest points, no matter where we come from. Prove them wrong. By the way, this was said with a light heart.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (20 December 2006):
OK, lets see if I can help. I'm Canadian, married to an American and I also live on the border. I've lived in the US too. The big question...How can you prove your future in-laws (or out-laws) they're wrong? This is going to be a little deep but I've got loads of experience and have a birds eye view from where I live. My wife's family live on the American side of the border, Buffalo, and we're there alot.
Here's the deal. Many people view the US for what it is, a very powerful country. Some people are jealous of that. Others just don't like the fact that the US govenment exerts it's muscle where it chooses, around the globe. So, many people form ideas and thoughts based on what they see, hear or experience. Many people in the US think that anything "not" done the American way is inferior and certainly, never better. For instance, Oprah has taken to saying, "only in America could this person be so successful" blah blah blah...That type of thing makes other people cringe. You see, when you live in the most powerful country, that doesn't automatically make it the best. It's a great place, no doubt, but there are many other great places too. Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Germany etc....come to mind. So when people make such wide statements, such as Oprah, it's said with pride but actually, not true.
As an example, you could never convince a guy in Iraq who's house got bombed that it's for the best, in the log run. He spent generations building it and it was gone in a flash. He will always remember his house is gone and who bombed it. But, the American person might say, it's to protect America. You see, America is everywhere, doing as it sees fit. In many cases, Americans don't see past their borders. They don't realize that not everyone wants to be in the USA or eat at Mc Donalds. (Except me, I like Mc Donalds)
Another example. I know many people on the American side of the border, Buffalo, New York, who don't know the name of city on the Canadian side of the bridge linking the two counties. They simply refer to it as "Canada." How could you live in a on a border all your life and not know the name of the city at the other side of the bridge? I've had people ask me how the weather was in Canada today. All I can tell them is look out the window, you can see Canada from where you are. They also ask if they can drive from Toronto to Vancouver in a few hours. Well, it's thousands of miles away, of course not.
So, I'm not saying you're one of these people but here's a hint. Do some research. Don't ask them if they've met the queen or tell them they have a funny accent. Don't ask them if they speak American. Don't laugh, it happens. Remember you're in the birthplace of our two countries. They were here before us. They gave birth to us..Canada,Australia, New Zealand, USA etc. Impress them with your knowledge of England. Accept what they do and don't always compare it to what you do at home, you're not at home. Be polite and show interest in what they try to impress you with. Be open minded. We're more similar than different.
I'm sure you already know most of this stuff but unfortunately, we're always judged by our weakest points, no matter where we come from. Prove them wrong. By the way, this was said with a light heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, beautifulxxbrunette08 +, writes (20 December 2006):
 you know it is funny that you mention this. my best friend is from england. that is her home town, and when i became friends with her last year i asked some questions...she told me some things that were extremely different over there than what we here are used to. she also told me that most English think that Americans are very polite and proper...who would have though?? Americans PROPER??...that doesn't even sound normal...basically, you should be yourself around his family. Make his family realize that Not ALL Americans are what they might think of them to be. Show them that there are actually some decent Americans out there...and don't get too nervous because then you will lose your track of mind. you must impress them with your real personality. they just may fall in love with you. it's worth a shot!
good luck.
xxxx
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