A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got back in touch with my 'first love' after 26 years. She is divorced and I'm unhappily married. We had a wonderful time together and I decided that I'd leave my wife, however, a family tragedy occured and then I was taken very ill. To cut a long story short, during this time she started going out with another man and I was informed by text that we could not meet again as planned. I was devastated, I'd even packed and taped up much of my belongings in preparation to go and live with her. She has kept in touch every now and then by email saying she'd like to stay in touch and will let me know of day to day stuff and 'major' changes.In my depressed and low self esteem state I read 'major' as her moving in with this guy or worse getting engaged etc. However, a woman I confided in said she thought she might be suggesting 'major' changes could be everything falling apart and just keeping me 'warm' in case. Of course, deep down I wish this happens as she meant the World to me.I'm finding it impossible to move on given I mentally lived the dream. I feel very low.What do the Aunties think I should read into her meaning of 'major'?
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depressed, divorce, engaged, move on, self esteem, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): im very sorry to hear this story. it is a dream of mine too to meet an ex from 22 years ago. i can feel what it must be like. she should have not have taken off so readily.
A
female
reader, mskate +, writes (26 April 2008):
so you have you separated with your wife yet?
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  + ♥, writes (26 April 2008):
 I may be wrong but she may have seen your derailment as indecision to leave your wife and she may have felt you would never leave your wife for her and that she was wasting her time.
Maybe coffee is a good comparrison but I'd then say that this man is on the shelf and the beans to make you haven't been found yet.
She may have been living the dream too and her wake up call was your derailment.
I can not tell you what to do but smeedle gave you good advice. Let her be and work on your marriage. If you are unhappy, do something about it...not for anyone except yourself. Then spend some time thinking about what you want in life.
You take care of you and don't wait for this woman. If it is meant to be, it will be.
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A
female
reader, Yargh +, writes (25 April 2008):
 You became ill and it forced her to show her true colors. It seems to me that if she wanted to be with you she would have been. I think that "in sickness and in health" refers not only to married couples, but to anyone you truly care for. Its just a measure of how important a person is to you. That is why people take care of spouses, aging parents, siblings, etc. It doesn't even sound like she tried to work something out with you, but just moved right along. Sorry to say this, but you probably would not have lived the dream with this woman, you just found out sooner rather than later. Bonus, it caused you to get out of an unhappy marriage, and you now have a clean slate. I wish you luck in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think she chose him because it was an easier option. On paper it was. He lives locally to her and I believe is single. He knows nothing about me or our history together or that we were in daily contact with one another. I liken the situation to where he and me are two types of coffee. He is 'instant' - local and available, whereas I'm 'percolated' coffee - it'll take a little longer, more work but should be better and I'd hope worth the wait. She admitted that she thought I wouldn't leave my wife, but ta-dah...I was well down the route. It's interesting that you 'anonymous' also thought about them breaking up too. I just don't know what to do...except allow time to take its course. I actually feel she has to get this bloke out of her system without me being involved or putting any pressure on as that would push her further towards him anyway.
Horrible situation and deeply saddening given the circumstances.
Thankyou for taking the time to answer.
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 April 2008):
 Im not even going to try and guess what she meant by Major, but I do agree with you, you are living in a dream and that has to stop, you have to wake up.
Dreaming is nice and it is cosy and reality is far far away but im about to shake you awake and tell you to set the alarm, wake up, snap out of the if, buts and maybe`s world were someting good may just happen.
You are in limbo, she is playing a game with you, wanting to try this man and keep you on the side line just in case he does not work out, saves her the hasstle of having to look for a new mate.
If your marriage is wrong and over then finish it, do it because its over and not because this woman may one day want you. be honest with yourself and your wife.
Get a seperation or divorce and give yourself a little breathing space to be on your own and find your true self again, he is in there hiding and when you stop dreaming and move back into reality you will see things clearer.
Make a life plan, one that does not involve her, if she is to be then she will be.
For now wake up!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008): Yes, she meant that she will inform you if she and her current partner break up, that is what I thought as soon as I read it. But why is she choosing him over you?
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