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I'm feeling very low. Is it too much to ask to have what everyone else has?

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Question - (22 July 2017) 1 Answers - (Newest, 25 July 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I just wanted to preface what I'm about to say by just saying thank you for all the times you've listened to me bitch, which I do a lot. I know. It means so much to me that you've heard me out, more than you'll ever know. I'm sorry I complain so much, but I can't help how I feel.

Today, everyone has seen my smiles. I've smiled real smiles because I have things that I am grateful for, even when struggling under the pressure of the overwhelm. But, I've felt very sad and been crying inside. I just can't hold it in any longer, but it's hurting so much. I wanted so badly to meet someone to share my life with. I never found a husband, and I feel so inadequate and worthless... no one chose me... what's wrong with me? Am I ugly, stupid, untalented? I feel like I have something wrong and missing inside, like maybe I don't have a soul or something. I've never been able to bond with other human beings like a normal person. Everyone I went to college with is married and people I know keep getting pregnant and I feel so left out. Plenty of sleazy guys hit on me for sex, but they just want to use me up like a toy. I'm not a toy. I don't want a f*ckboy. It makes me feel so inadequate, like I'm easily replaced. I want so badly to meet a kind and supportive man. I don't care where he's from. I don't care what "race" he is. I just want a supportive, kind man who will be HERE for me, and who will be REAL for me and who will be FOREVER for me.

I LONG to be a wife and mother, and I'm terrified that I've missed my chance, but I want it so badly. I look at all my friends, their wedding pictures, the happy tears, the swollen bellies, and my envy overwhelms any other feelings I might have. No one loved me enough to choose me... no one thought I was good enough to be a wife... no one thought I was worthy of a wedding ring. Other girls got chosen, but men perceive me to be a cheap toy.

I'm not sure if I'm physically infertile, or if I'm just infertile due to my circumstances of being single. Hypothetically, if I had sex (I know how repulsive that thought it) I'm pretty sure that I could get pregnant, but I would be miserable as a single mom. I grew up as the daughter of a single mom and single motherhood is NOT for me. My father is still alive, but I'm still grieving for the father who didn't want me.

I worked all day today, and I should be exhausted but these thoughts and fears are haunting me like a ghost, and I can't sleep because they steal my peace. I have nights where I don't know how I'll get through the night because I can't stand the sight of that empty bed.

Why did God make me ugly? Why did God make me worthless? Why did God make me stupid? Why did God make me untalented?

Maybe I'm none of those things... maybe there is something even more profoundly wrong. I've never had the ability to click with another human being, I just lack the ability to connect. Maybe I was born without a soul. It's possible to be born without legs, or without eyes, or something. Maybe it's possible for someone to be born normal physically but with something wrong and missing on the inside, like a soul or without the ability to connect with another human.

My mother is the only person who seems to give me any love at all and I'm terrified about what will become of me when I no longer have her. My father will probably still be around but he doesn't want anything to do with me. I don't have any brothers or sisters (being an only child is great, but sometimes I LONG for a sister. The whole "two kids, a boy and a girl" pigeon pair is so overrated). Most of my friends have gotten married/had babies and forgotten about me, and I don't see how I can realistically make more.

I want so badly to have a husband and family that it's breaking my heart, but I've completely lost heart. No, I'm NOT suicidal, or anything, but I'm terrified that my life is over before it really began. I want to have some feeling of earthly purpose so much that my heart hurts.

If you're read this, thank you. I know this sounds like a litany of complaints, but underneath it all, I'm actually a very caring person. I get misunderstood a lot, but I have so much love in me that no one is aware of and I LONG to give it to someone. I don't want anyone to feel the way I feel, and right now, I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I don't want anyone to have to endure these storms, but I just want my rainbow, just for me. I need help

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A female reader, Intuitive Becky  Australia +, writes (25 July 2017):

Intuitive Becky  agony auntWhat a honest bright light you are? please first acknowledge yourself for your brave vulnerability. People find it hard to be vulnerable and real & I see nothing but love shining from you. Deep hurts dwell within you but this can be transformed to smoother roads for you. Before you move forward to find the love for you it's time to release and regroup. Being yourself brings real love and happiness in, don't be afraid to be who you really are. I feel your gift for understanding people and their emotions is very big & refreshing, your soul is there infact it is very much there it's feels & wants connection on a different level to the normal everyday level surface chatter. I'm sure you have heard of mirror work & affirmations please use these as they can literally transform things for you very quickly. With love & light ??????

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