A
female
age
18-21,
*Jess*
writes:I need some guidance, I've tried talking to my mum, my boyfriend and my friends and I'm still at a loss. I think what I need is some outside perspectives. So here goes... I feel so confused, ovewhelmed, scared and just generally strange recently. I'm waiting for my A level results, which come through on August 14th, they will determine whether or not I go to university (the one I've applied to is two hours away). This in itself is intensely stressful. My future depends on a piece of paper. Well, my future depends on my performance in the exams, which I've got to say isn't very promising. If I get the grades, I have to leave my home, my friends, my family and my boyfriend. If I fail then I have to stay for another year and retake my exams while my friends go on to uni. I just don't feel sure about anything anymore. I don't know what I want. And I'm still really worried about having to do the long distance relationship thing. I have posted previous questions about this, and I was actually over my fears, my boyfriend was being supportive and I just felt really strong about us and that we were going to make it. And then recently he told me he has really strong doubts about us, doesn't know if we can do it or if it would be worth it. He had been lying because he knew I was feeling good about it and didn't want to upset me. We almost broke up, but now everything is back to normal. But underneath I feel so unsure now, I'm just really scared of losing him but I feel its out of my hands. It takes two people to make a long distance relationship work, I know I can do my 50% but I have no control over his 50% and that scares me. Theres a 50% chance that I'm going to get hurt and that I'm going to lose him and theres nothing I can do about it. How am I supposed to get over that? I know I have to, but I don't know how. On top of this, I feel that my mother is pushing me away because she doesn't want to hurt as much when I leave. I just feel so stressed out about everything right now. Everything in my life is changing just when I finally got everything exactly right. I don't even know what I'm asking. How can I be strong enough for all this? For moving to a new place? Meeting so many new people (and living with them)? Leaving my family and my home? Leaving my boyfriend, when I'm used to seeing him so often? My mum keeps telling me to dump him, to be honest, everyone is telling me its not going to last and I need to accept that. How am I supposed to accept that?? I don't want it to end. I was so naive, wrapped up in my little fairytale that we would make it through uni, move in together, get married and have children. I just want it so badly. It's pathetic really. But he said it could happen, he joined in with my little fantasies until he told me the truth.I feel like I drew a picture of what I wanted everything to be like and someone has just screwed it up. What am I supposed to do?Please give me some advice.xxx
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broke up, long distance, my ex, university Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, *Jess* +, writes (21 July 2008):
*Jess* is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you xxx
A
female
reader, gretchen  +, writes (21 July 2008):
 University: Don't stress over this too much. Even if you don't get in on your first attempt you have a year to try again, and one year of your life is not a lot of time if you see the bigger picture.Your friends: Be happy for them if they get to go, be even happier if you can go with them. If you can't join them, keep in contact while they're away because they are most likely as nervous and worried as you! They will truly appreciate your support and then support you in return. And then if you go to university the next year, you're only one year apart and it's not like you'll never see each other again!Boyfriend: This is tricky. When you get your exam results, you need to have a serious talk with him. If the future looks like you are going away talk about what would be best for both of you. What you could do is try long distance for a semester, then when you come back home on your holidays try talking about whether this is something you want to continue. But if your boyfriend says that he doesn't think this is something he wants to do, I fear you have to break off the relationship. You're right when you say a long distance relationship needs work on both parts and it will just bring you heartache to do all the work and for him to be indifferent.Overall, talk to your loved ones. Let them know how nervous and worried you are about your future. Tell your mother you feel like she is pushing you away and at this time you really need her to be closer than that (to make up for all the hugs you will miss when you're away - be it now or next year!).Talking leads to expressing feelings, and that leads to problems being solved. :) Calm down, take some deep breaths, and I hope you do well!
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