A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I am a full time student with the occasional summer internship. I am studying a very rigorous major and while I've been in school for 3 years, it will take at least another two for me to finish my bachelors degree. I am a very good student. I have won scholarships every semester for my work and have been very involved in school. I started college late (I honestly did not take it seriously until I started dating my SO) so I am 24 and still without a bachelors.My boyfriend has already finished college and is making a significant amount of money. He makes over six figures, but we still struggle to pay for our living expenses. His student loans are INSANE because he went to a private university, and I am not working when the school semester is active. I make home cooked meals, I prep his lunch, I clean and do laundry and everything else around the house you can think of.. I do feel guilty all the time. I have tried reassuring him that once I'm done with college that I will be making just as much as he does and it'll be worth the struggle someday. Aside from paying for groceries, going out (which we have limited to once a week to save money) and other necessities, I do not ask him for money at all. I am very money conscious and have saved up over my internships and divide it over the year to pay for my own things.This morning, I asked for his phone to check out gym prices in our local area. He had a tab open on Reddit and I saw the headline "I am 28 and feel that my 24 year old girlfriend is not contributing enough".. I thought nothing of it until I came home to read what his post was about.So he's asking for help on Reddit about our relationship. He thinks that I am not contributing enough to our expenses and he questions my commitment and ability to finish my degree. I am not sure what to do. I moved from another state to be with him but now I feel like it was a mistake. Maybe I should move back home and end the relationship so he can have the life he wants without me in the picture to pay for. Moving back home will be a very hard move on my part. I uprooted my life to move across the US for him, and will be going back with no degree, no job, nothing. But I feel unwanted here and the guilt that I felt before I read the post is amplified to the point where I honestly feel that this might be the best course. We have pets together, we have spent 4 years of our lives together, and we have been extremely close - we do everything together. But I am extremely hurt right now and am not sure what to say. I have reassured him countless of times but he still feels how he feels about me and I am not sure what to do.Please advise.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 January 2018):
 This is a point in your relationship that the only thing that is going to work now is to sit down with him and communicate with each other. I do understand why you feel hurt and I also understand his point off view as well. You need to just tell him what you saw, tell him how it made you feel and ask him what are the solutions to fixing the problem now. You do need to pay your way so start from there and she how that goes. It might mean you needing more student loans if you cannot afford bills and food.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 January 2018):
 I agree with aunt Honeypie. You're just dating, not married so what should he be taking care of you? And that too for years? Maybe he thought that he could take on the responsibilities when you started dating but he's realising slowly that it's not as easy as he had thought. Fair enough. You might be hurt but he's not wrong.
You say that aside for paying for groceries, eating out and paying for other necessities, you don't ask him for money! What else is there to ask for?!! He's basically paying for everything!
Now is the time for you to stand up your yourself without making him feel guilty.
Tell him that you read his post and that this is a wake up call for you (hopefully it is). You are ideally responsible for yourself and even if he weren't in the picture you would have survived, right? So do just that. Move out, get a place for yourself, pay your bills... you say you already cook and clean so that shouldn't be too difficult for you... and be independent while still being in the relationship. Finish your degree.
Technically you are single till you're married so why not be self sufficient and independent? If money is still a problem then take help from your family, not from your boyfriend.
If you can do this, then you will have immense respect for yourself and so will others.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (2 January 2018):
 There's no other option but to tell him what you saw.
You can't just ignore this and pretend it never happened as there may come a time where he says enough is enough and ends things himself then you're on short notice to figure things out for yourself.
At least at this point in time you can have a proper discussion about the situation and decide the best course of action. It's not a nice feeling I'd imagine to have stumbled across that, but it could turn out to be a good thing in that you may actually be able to salvage things rather than out of the blue he decides to end the relationship.
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, mishi 1 +, writes (2 January 2018):
 Well, I think you did sacrifice for him to leave your country and moved in new place. I think he has to understand you will contribute once you will finish your school. My advice is please don’t go back home finish your degree first . No matter stay with him or not but finish your degree.
If you move back home without degree or without any money it means you just wasted your four years for a wrong person.
I am saying wrong person . Since, he dont understand you. You left your family your country just to be with him . He don’t have patience until you finish your degree .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 January 2018):
 Sit him down and talk about his post.
I think it's FAIR enough of him to feel the way he does, to be honest. You are dating, NOT married so in reality he shouldn't be responsible for YOUR living expenses - regardless of how rigorous your major is. He should NOT be financially responsible for you. FOR YEARS! He isn't your parent, he is your EQUAL partner.
He has EVERY right to feel the way he does, just like you have every right to feel hurt that he didn't come to you first. But you two need to move past that and figure out what the next step it.
If it means YOU need to find a weekend job to contribute more OR, move out OR move home (which seems a little silly to do if you can not transfer your credits). Or maybe you need to consider a smaller student loan to help out financially.
Obviously, he isn't happy about this but he hasn't wanted to talk to you about it before getting some advice, maybe all he wanted was to vent or get a sounding board. JUST like you with this post.
You have to PERFECT opportunity to TALK about this and work this out TOGETHER.
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