A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am here to get some opinion on where you think I stand in my male friend's eyes. He is married and I am currently engaged. The confusion stems from some actions of his and some words he says. Maybe I over think it, but I would love to have your opinion nonetheless. Here is some background. We have been friends for about two years. We knew each other through school, and have worked very well on numerous projects together. He is the type of man who is always very polite, rarely jokes around, and definitely never flirts. He is always sincere, very by the book, and is very careful with the words he uses and gets uncomfortable easily. He also cares a lot about his professionalism and how his peers view him. We are both in our late twenties. Throughout our time together at school, he has always been unbelievably helpful to me. From helping me scan pages of notes, to volunteering to be involved in projects in courses which he has already completed. He says he finds me very interesting, and that my mind sometimes blows him away. He has once commented that I could get any guy's attention without trying. When we go out for lunch, he always insists that he pays. When he drops me off after lunch, he comments how time passes by too quickly as always and that he had a great time. He tells me that he will make sure that I am happy. He hides our friendship from his wife because his wife does not like him having any female friends. I am probably the only female friend that he sees on a regular basis. He tells me that he feels guilty when he sees me because he knows his wife would be upset if she finds out. He says he has trouble defining our friendship. When we talk, we never flirt and we only talk about our work and our lives. But sometimes, the way he looks at me, I can't help but feel that he has feelings for me. What are your thoughts? It puzzles me. Perhaps my confusion comes from myself trying to determine my own feelings towards him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): Neither of us will ever act in any way that is deemed inappropriate. We have nothing but utmost respect for each other. I however don't think I should distance myself from him because I appreciate very much having him as a friend and I do not see anything wrong with two friends having lunch maybe twice a month to talk about what's happening at work and in our lives. We do not see each other often. I do understand that it may not be fair for the wife. But I feel that his wife is a little controlling when she disapproves of him having female friends even at work. But thank you for the replies. It makes me feel better to be able to get this off my chest.
A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 "I'm engaged, he's married"
READ it thrice and rest all not even needed to be said. FULLSTOP
Spending too much time with someone does sometimes make us to develop feelings for them. But not all feelings are there to be reacted upon. Self control always help us in long run.
IF her wife doesnt even like her husband to have any female friends then would she be comfortable with thought of her husband having "FEELINGS" for some other lady???
would YOU like to be in her shoes and see how degrading it feels ???
would you be comfortable with your Fiancee hanging out with his high school crush??
think about it......
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2011): Thanks for your reply. I guess I don't see what he says as "flirting" because he always says them in a serious and professional tone. I sometimes wonder if he is just being polite and maybe he really values me as a good friend.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 August 2011):
 Everything he's doing sounds like flirting to me. He's just being so direct it's almost like he's not doing anything. There is a saying ....the bigger the lie the easier it is to believe.
Those are not normal things to say to people if you're co workers or buddies. Does anyone else in your life talk to you like that? Do you talk to anyone like that?
Why do you need to determine your own feelings toward him? It's simple, there is a vibe aaround your relationship. Nobody ever questions their feelings toward people they're not interested in.
You are engaged so be careful. Would you tell your future husband about this question. If the answer is no, that says a lot.
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A
female
reader, lovelyeyes +, writes (6 August 2011):
To be honest w/u. I think there's feelings from both sides towards eachother. I wouldn't go forward w/anything because he does have a family but I think there's nothing wrong for having a crush you guys are only humans it sometimes develops before u even know it. I don't think its fair to his wife so maybe try distancing yourself alittle bit for his wifes sake its not fair to her. I also don't think u guys should be hanging out as much as u guys do when his wife doesn't aprove. Put yourself in her shoes how would u feel!!
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