A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my bf had a family funeral to attend this weekend. It is out of town far away. After the funeral he was bored so decided to go to see a movie that we planned to go see next week together. All he texted me was 'I think I am going to go see the movie with my brother'. He didn't say anything else or apologize (but he did later when I told him I felt he wasnt considering my feelings since I was really looking forward to watching it with him). I didn't know how to respond at the time so I just said Ok enjoy the movie. We discussed how I felt yesterday and he said nothing was set in stone and I told him that fot future reference I will no longer have high hopes for any movie plans whether it be friends.family.or him. Then he said I was being petty about it. I don't think I was because we already made plans to go see it and it was dropped just like that so I shouldn't hold it with great importance. Regardless, I'm still not feeling good about it even with the circumstance (it was a family funeral and he got bored after it so he went to the movies with his brother). Did we not handle it well? Think I am going to feel disappointed and a little sad for several days.. I also feel a little sad and my feelings are still hurt (even though we talked about it) bc he said calling me every day is not a positive thing for him. He was forcing himself to do it for me. I thought about it and now thinking if he is not willing to do it then he shouldn't since I'm the only one who feels excited or happy when I hear his voice or talk to him on days we don't see each other. Is it really too much to conversate over the phone daily when we hardly text throughout the day?? Isn't that a part of commitment? I'm just not sure what to think and it is not a good feeling for me. These things continue to bother me. Neither of us asked if we were okay before ending the convo yesterday too.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (28 November 2017):
 You sound like you are being a very controlling girlfriend. Honestly you sound like you are still a teenager so am not sure if you have put down the wrong age or if you are still quite immature. Did you think to ask your boyfriend how he felt after the funeral? Did you comfort him? You said to him to enjoy the movie instead off being truthful about how you felt and now it is almost like you are emotionally black mailing him. The poor guy!!
Honestly you need to learn to stop expecting to much, start telling the truth and stop sulking like a child.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2017): You are blowing something very small way out of proportion here. I think you're being quite controlling, even if you take the word funeral out of the situation.What's the big deal that he was with his family and went to see a film you'd planned to see together? Maybe he enjoys doing things with his family, too. Of course, the funeral adds more weight to that fact, but even if he was just visiting- do really expect him to say no to his brother's request because you don't want him to? We're talking about a movie, not a strip club.At least your boyfriend had the decency to mention it to you beforehand- although, if he didn't, that wouldn't be wrong of him. I'm afriad to say it sounds like you have issues, not him. Maybe you should have a think whether you're controlling him in other ways, too.Message him to say you're sorry, and that you relise you're being insensitive at a time when he may need your support. I reckon that whereever he is, he's feeling hurt by your actions and questioning a lot of things in his life, as most of us do when someone we know dies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2017): When my father died my sister and I went to see a movie, one that we knew would be a "comfort" movie for the way we were feeling. Granted, my husband didn't care whether or not he saw the movie with me, but the comparison is still in the ball park.
I think your boyfriend was feeling sad and something had changed in his life. Family or a friend's death will do that to us. He probably needed that feeling of escapism, comfort and closeness with his brother.
Stop making it about you and try to understand how he might really be feeling. Let this one go.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (19 November 2017):
It says you’re a late 20 something. But this letter reads like it was written by someone in middle school. You need to grow up before you end up pushing this guy away.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 November 2017):
 Yeah, I think you did not handle it very well.
Mean what you say and say what you mean.
If you weren't ok with him seeing that movie with another person, then why you did you tell him " Ok, enjoy the movie " ?! Just to sulk AFTER you had give him your blessing, and the movie had been already seen ?
The correct ( and most logical ) answer would have been :" No please, kindly pick another movie. Maybe you don't remember that we had plan to see this movie together , and that I care a lot about seeing it with you ".
If you say " Ok, enjoy " he thinks ; " she does not mind, she'll catch it with some friend of hers " ( which, btw , does not sound so unreasonable to me.... I get it that you had your heart set on seeing that particular movie with him, but a little flexibility every now and then does not hurt, after all you can't make a romantic memory out of every single breath you take....)
Anyway, this may not be a major deal in MY eyes, but if it was in YOUR eyes, - then why pretending that everything is fine ? Say what you really think, which is : I don't think i is a good idea, because we had already planned to see this movie together .
As for the phone calls, on one hand I understand how you can feel let down, because a phone call a day really does not sound like way too to much to expect ; it's sort of basic relationship maintenance.
OTH, it reminds me of when I used to drag my partner to the opera, and then get mad at him because occasionally he would sort of doze off. I did not just want him to accompany me, I wanted him to be very HAPPY to be there ! :)
I think that, at the end of the day,- your bf MAKES the effort and calls. Even if he does not feel the need to; just to make you happy. Maybe you think that he SHOULD feel the need to hear your voice every day, and if he does not, it means he does not care about you, at least not as much as you care about him. I really don't know, it may be a sign that he is lukewarm ( only if consistent with other signs of indifference ), or simply, you two have different needs in terms of closeness and emotional intimacy.
I think too that if he does not feel like calling, he should not. Otherwise it's like punching the clock at work, and I don't see what satisfaction can give you being called out of obligation. THEN, you have to decide about your level of compatibility, though: I.E. if you can still have a generally fulfilling relationship even if the guy is a tad aloof. ( Nobody is perfect... ) Or, if you need someone with your same desire for closeness and the same communication patterns. In other words- you choose your own dealbreakers.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (19 November 2017):
 Wow, you have some very precise expectations of your boyfriend. No wonder the poor guy is feeling hen pecked and as if contacting you is a chore. I predict a post in the not too distant future from you saying he has finished with you.
He had been at a FUNERAL. Did you ask HIM how he felt afterwards? Did he need to take his mind off what had happened and spend time with his brother?
This is just a film. If something like this leaves you determined to be disappointed and sad for days, then there really is no hope for your future together. Can you not go and see it with a friend? Or even can he not go a second time so you can see it together as planned?
You don't say how long you have been in this relationship but, if you don't stop haranguing your boyfriend about everything, I predict he will soon be your ex.
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