A
female
age
41-50,
*alling2peices79
writes:I’ve been married to my hisband for 5 years. I’m 38 he’s 36. I have not shared a room with him in a year I sleep on the couch he don’t seem to mind until it’s benefits him to throw it in my face. I have chronic illnesses that also exist when he wants them too. He looks at me with disgust a lot and always has crappy comments to make He goes to work early morning and home in evening he might call once a day maybe and usually it’s to talk about his day or to just piss me off. He denies he’s controlling but the fact that i have to ask to go the store and expected not to go if he says no tome that’s controlling. If I’m not home when he calls then he starts with those key words like uhh Hhh and if you say so. Everything that’s happens on our life is always my fault I have no access to banks no idea how much money we have he even stopped statements from coming here to our home. I’m givin a allowence that he gives me when he wants and he even subtracts money if he’s upset with me. We don’t have sex he stays in his room he calls it. Everything’s his cause he pays for it and l don’t have a job so I can’t question him about anything. Im so Miserable Lonley and depressed. This man doesn’t love me dose he??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2018): Yes make sure that disability goes into a account with only your name on it.When you get it you will get the settlement of thousands of dollars.My bill got over 30 thousand on his.I would also move out back to your mother's but do it when he is at work.And he only cares about your daughter?How old is she?That is just plain creepy.Leave now but get a consuler you will need to be strong because ass holes like your husband do not give up easy especially since he knows you got thousands of dollars coming your way...leave get divorced before he steals that money from you which I betcha he is waiting for or he would have been gone already.
A
female
reader, Falling2peices79 +, writes (31 January 2018):
Falling2peices79 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I agree I’ve suspected he was narcissistic my dr says I’m a codependent. I worked barley before I met him I was becoming more ill. I was staying with my mother . Currently fighting disability I suspect I’ve always been co dependent but this time it’s worse it’s like I don’t even trust my own feelings anymore guess that’s why I’m on here getting yalls valadations to a question I already know the answer too. Physically I can get up get in my car and leave but I don’t understand why I stay. I use to love him very much but day by day I’ve become someone I don’t even know anymore I hardly ever leave my house and I swear he’s messing with my head I suspect he’s never loved me he just didn’t want to be alone so he got him a family me and 3 kids. But he only cares about my daughter my boys are 19 and 22 and he literally told me he feels nothing for them that if they ever got hurt or died he wouldn’t feel anything except he would feel sad for me. I was like what? I’m not sure if I still have any inner strength left but I sure hope to god I find enough to leave cause this is slowly killing me
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A
female
reader, Falling2peices79 +, writes (31 January 2018):
Falling2peices79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree I’ve suspected he was narcissistic my dr says I’m a codependent. I worked barley before I met him I was becoming more ill. I was staying with my mother . Currently fighting disability I suspect I’ve always been co dependent but this time it’s worse it’s like I don’t even trust my own feelings anymore guess that’s why I’m on here getting yalls valadations to a question I already know the answer too. Physically I can get up get in my car and leave but I don’t understand why I stay. I use to love him very much but day by day I’ve become someone I don’t even know anymore I hardly ever leave my house and I swear he’s messing with my head I suspect he’s never loved me he just didn’t want to be alone so he got him a family me and 3 kids. But he only cares about my daughter my boys are 19 and 22 and he literally told me he feels nothing for them that if they ever got hurt or died he wouldn’t feel anything except he would feel sad for me. I was like what? I’m not sure if I still have any inner strength left but I sure hope to god I find enough to leave cause this is slowly killing me
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2018): So it now all comes down to what you're going to do about all this. You've come for advice; but I think a mature lady in her late 30's is experienced enough to know that when love is absent in a marriage there is no reason to stay in it.
You've asked if he loves you? Do you love him? Why? You give no reason that you should. I can only assume financial-dependency is why you've stayed.
If you work, your husband can't control your money. You can have your check directly deposited into your own account.
If you are unable to work due to disability; you should get a full medical-evaluation from your doctor to determine your fitness to maintain part-time to full-time employment. If he or she determines you are physically-disabled and incapable of working; then you must seek disability compensation. It will be a fixed and limited income; but you will not be 100% financially-dependent on your husband.
By your description, your husband might be a narcissist; but for all practical purposes, there is no love shared between either of you. So you have the option to leave and seek alimony, if he is your sole income and financial-support. Take what is yours. The house, and half the assets. What's his is yours too! You're asking for advice, and this is going to be consistently what everyone will suggest.
You will have to gain the drive and determination to take care of yourself. Unless you are a bedridden invalid; I don't see any reason to remain in a marriage being walked all over by your husband.
You don't need advice. You need the courage to leave him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 January 2018):
 Doesn't sound like love at all, more like you are his hostage. Doesn't sound like YOU love him either.
So why do you stay? Because you can't work due to the chronic illness?
Is the only income you two have from HIS paycheck?
Maybe you need to either look into disability (and if you get it that goes into a bank account with YOUR name on it) so you can save up and GET out. Or if you can handle a job, TRY and find one you can handle WITH the illness.
I think you BOTH have to accept that this isn't working.
Before you married how did you get by?
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