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I'm dating my friend's ex wife and don't know how to tell him but if I don't she will!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2016)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Greg [age:40] was my [age:27] roommate for 5 months and we have been friends ever since. He would tell me about how he was madly in love with his wife Crystal [Age:30], but they fought too much, that's why they were trying separation for a couple months (that's why I was his roommate) . He told me that he didn't feel loved by her, and she didn't feel loved by him, and eventually they called it quits

. After an intense breakup like theirs people feel lost, and they're not in their right minds, the emotions are too strong and people do whatever they can to escape their empty feelings and sadness. So over the next 3 months of us living together, he started bringing home hookers, I seen about 4 different ones over those months, and I never said anything because I knew he was hurt. In the last 3 weeks of us living together, he realized that these ladies wasn't his wife, so he started making strides to get her back, and it was working, but he just couldn't let go of the love he was getting from the ladies I guess because i continued to see hookers in my house, just less frequently.

Well, eventually word got around to his wife about his actions, and the day he asked her to give him another chance, not only did she reject him, she also went on to describe how he is the reason for them having no chance now and how she has lost all respect for him now. To make a long story short because I'm not proud of my actions, they divorced, she won a buttload of money from him (he has a couple businesses), he moved out, told me he needed to get away for a minute, stop returning my calls for almost a year. I ran into his ex-wife at the supermarket (she looks great) , we talked for like an hour, she tells me that we should grab dinner sometime, which was confusing because she really hated me when I was living with her ex- husband, but I wanted to know how my friend was doing.

Our first date was extremely emasculating for me, she picked ME up, we went to dinner, she wouldn't let me pay, and walked ME to my door, and kissed ME. I did find out that my buddy went to rehab, and would be home soon. After that, we went out on a couple more dates, I paid this time, and eventually we got into a sexual relationship. I really like her, but the fact that she throws her money around, and she's my friend's ex-wife, I back off more than I want to .

Let's fast forward to last week, where my buddy returns to town, he texts me out of the blue, and wants to hang out again, I love his new personality, he really seems like a new guy, but I couldn't even enjoy myself knowing what I did. I eventually tell her about my night, and her response is "you're being silly, just tell him we are dating" (dating!??) I tell her no, and she says "if you don't tell him, I will", so I tell her that I will casually sneak it in, she says "you have a week". That's NOT ENOUGH TIME!!

I don't even know how to say it, what if he wants to fight me, I'm a pretty big guy but I'm not going to fight my friend?? What if he cuts me off AGAIN!!!?? This is the most scared I have been in my life (I am literally typing this as I'm laying in her bed) . What if I love her,she introduced me to her family yesterday, what if she loves me? I can't marry a friend's ex-wife, that's like some kind of bro law. I just don't know what to do, no one to turn to, no hope, no light, need help!!!

View related questions: divorce, escort, ex-wife, her ex, his ex, money, moved out, roommate, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (29 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIf you where concerned about bro laws you would never have went on that first date with her, doesn't matter what excuses you have, you choose to begin dating her knowing who she was.

You should tell him, he has a right to know, you should also expect that your friendship will be over. Am pretty sure he will never forgive you. Am also pretty sure that he cannot be that great of a friend or you would not have done this when you knew he was in a bad way.

I think you need to accept you ave broke the friendship, so tell him the truth and carry on with your life.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (29 October 2016):

Youcannotbeserious agony aunt#1: There is no such thing as "bro law". That is just rubbish. The fact that someone once had a relationship with someone else does not give them any rights over that person going forward. Their relationship is over. Your girlfriend is a free agent.

#2: Who means more to you: your friend or your girlfriend? Do you see a future with her? Is she worth losing his friendship over? If he still loves her, he is not going to take this news well.

#3: The longer you leave it to tell him, the harder it will be. You need to tell him but DON'T apologise for it. You have nothing to be sorry for. He does not own her. He screwed up his relationship with her.

#4: If you really think he may try to fight you, you need to tell him in a public place and have a means to get away if things turn nasty.

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