A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There seems to be an issue that's come up a lot in my life and I'm wondering if others have perhaps have experienced the same thing.Ever since I was a teenager I have been more attracted to females that are more full-figured. Its not that I don't find a more slender woman attractive as well. It just seems to be a preference, but I feel as though people will sometimes want to treat me as though I must have some type of weird fetish. They think I must be attracted to every bigger woman who walks down the street, which really isn't the case, I might be attracted to sometimes a smile, sparkle in their eye, personality, etc....I'm more average to good shape and people seem to come to the conclusion that I must be insecure or something else wrong with me....yet if a guy seemed to date mostly blondes, redheads etc.. its ok and he's perfectly normal.Right now I've been dating a woman who's bigger and I'm totally into her, I find her beautiful, funny, we have a lot of the same interests in life, she's intelligent, we can even have fun laughing while doing boring mundane things like cleaning the dishes. Yet people there's people out there who feel I need to justify why I'm with her, once we put on facebook that were in a relationship I even had a guy come up and ask me why I'm with her and that he knows a single woman in good shape that's looking for a good man.why would I feel the need to break up with someone who I'm falling for just because someone else whom I don't even know is single???Has anyone else dealt with the same type of issues? And why does is it ok to joke and/or psychoanalyze my preferences?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (23 August 2015):
 Sadly, those who are overweight/larger are one group of people who it is still socially accepted to be actively prejudiced against. (and red-headed people).
You see it every day in the media, if you are not looking like the current "accepted" standard, then somehow you are less worthy, less likable, and something to be avoided like the plague.
As a woman who is not a skinny size 6 (and genetically never will be - the women in our family have large hips!) it is something that can be really depressing and demoralising.
A LOT of men don't look further than the outside, the glossy book cover. Just because someone doesn't look like they have stepped out of the pages of a fitness magazine, does not mean that they are not loving, kind, funny, intelligent people.
It can be difficult to get people to see past the exterior, to see the real person underneath.
You sound like a gem, stick to your guns, and the woman you love. Looks fade, bodies change as you age...... but personality is what makes you, you!
A
female
reader, Flower89  +, writes (23 August 2015):
 Massive big thumbs up to you!
Reading that made me think wow there are decent men out there, one that sees what is in the inside and loves a women for the person she is!
I'm not a bigger girl myself but have the other end of the issue where men just see me as bit of meat, and not a girlfriend. It's horrible to the point I have given up.
Thanks for restoring my faith good men are out there.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (23 August 2015):
 Sizeism: prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person's size.
I don't think this kind of discrimination has been brought to the forefront like racism or homophobia. A lot of people discriminate against size. Your post really gives a great perspective on how much peer pressure you have to endure for dating a bigger girl. A lot of men are in the closet about preferring bigger women. I commend you for not giving into peer pressure.
Next time someone makes a comment, feel free to express your anger and outrage with them. They deserve it!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 August 2015):
 It's funny that most of the time peer pressure is applied, it's not towards a healthy outcome. The same pressure that that guy put on you to ditch your girlfriend for someone he felt suited you better is the same one that gets people to smoke for the very first time, try drugs, cheat on tests, bully other people, dress or act a certain way, the list is endless.
That same pressure has also, even in these enlightened times, been used to shame people who have a same sex orientation. It's stupid and pathetic at BEST, and psychologically harmful at worst.
You are who you are. You love who you love. You can have an attraction without it being labelled a "fetish" and that you must simply be using her sex or any number of things. You don't have a fetish. You have a "type" just like the others you mentioned who prefer blondes or redheads or type A personalities or women who love travel.
People question everything. They're threatened by people who will not be sheep and slaves to society. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. All you have to do is be real with the one you love. Show her as much love as she shows you. She is a princess in your eyes, and whether other people psychoanalyze or make jokes is their own failings.
Don't even let the foundation for your relationship with her be "us against the world", even though that is exciting. It's love, just like any other relationship. Society is desperate to label it unconventional, but that's simply hypocrisy. Be happy and content. Other people do not matter.
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (23 August 2015):
I bet they are just jelous of your happy relationship. Just ignore them and enjoy.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (23 August 2015):
 Hi,
you do not need to justify your preferences to anybody, where this woman you like very much, nor any women, are concerned.
Simply because of a persons size, should not be cause for alarm.
I would be much more concerned about a person with a bad attitude to others, or to life in general are concerned.
The outer package isn't as important as the inner package.
When we first meet somebody, we do look @ the physical side, because ultimately, that's one of the primary reasons, as to what draws/attracts, two people together, however, as time passes, what's truly most important is what is inside.
It's more about how we treat ourselves & others & how we conduct ourselves in our intimate & social life.
You are doing the right thing, you stay true to yourself, to your wonderful & beautiful gf & you do as YOU see fit, not as OTHERS see fit for you.
You need to learn to ignore human ignorance, as hard as it can be sometimes.
People will always judge, no matter what you do.
You are the one who is attracted to this new woman in your life, so in the end, it's YOU who ought make all decisions surrounding this relationship, which btw, is YOUR relationship & nobody elses.
Try not to worry about what this guy mentioned to you & what others say &/or do.
They are the ones with self-confidence &/or self-doubt issues, hence trying to make your relationship appear as negative as they are.
All the best & please do let me know how you get on. :-)
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (23 August 2015):
 Respect your right to make the life and relationship choices that resonate with you. Clearly this lady is special to you, and that's what really counts.
Some people have the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) of a gnat.
If you had been born in the times when Rubenesque ladies were the norm you would have been envied.
Fortunately not all people are ''sheep'' always playing ''follow the lead sheep''.
But some small minded people don't feel right unless they follow the prevailing fashion.
There are men just like you. I cannot think of the name but I do recall a celebrated opera singer who's good looking husband adored his buxom wife.
If you and your lady enjoy each other's company then so be it.
I love seeing the respect and love the actor Pierce B?? Showers on his lady who is curvy and clearly at peace with her curves.
There is not one way. We choose who we are most comfortable with. Whatever the shape. You sound very respectful towards your lady.
To all the petite ladies out there who marry very tall husbands just ignore the dagger stares from super tall girls who are unattached.
Similarly to the very tall gals who marry shorter husbands ignore the uncalled for remarks.
So too should you ignore ignorant people who have no right to try to intervene with unwelcome offers.
I just cannot imagine what is going through the minds of some to be so rude and insensitive. It seems judgemental and rude to think they can influence you with their unwelcome offers.
Though I think there are many superficial people who cannot see the true worth and value of a person unless it is presented in the right ''wrapping paper'' externally.
More fool them, that they are only capable of such a narrow focus.
You have opened up your heart to your girl and she has responded in kind. may you both have a long and happy relationship. Some things are meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame +, writes (23 August 2015):
First of all, it's not at all okay to mock you. But that's what people do.
Short and simple, you don't anyone an explanation. You keep doing what you are doing. It's people who are actually insecure who find reasons to justify someone else's act as one of insecurity. It's just normal human tendency, no matter what you do people are gonna talk. You seem like a nice guy, so don't question your likes and dislikes because of others.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (23 August 2015):
 Short answer to you question...because people can be nosey, thoughtless, insensitive, close minded and just plain stupid! Some people just like to butt their nose in where its not needed or wanted. Some people think that their way of thinking is the only RIGHT way.
I know where you are coming from, although my situation is a little more complicated because it involves a racial preference. I have always been very attracted to Asian men. My great grandmother was 100% Japanese and although I don't look Asian at all I am very interested in their culture, people, etc.
My husband is Japanese and even now I still have some people give us curious looks and pull me aside to ask me "why him"??? It used to bother me alot not to mention that I find the questions very rude.
He happens to be an incredible man, thoughtful, kind, brilliant and highly educated..and to me he is gorgeous. I dated him for 14 years before we married but some friends and family never got it and were always trying to set me up with someone they felt was more "suitable" for me.
UGH... people can just be so short sighted! Be confident in your choice and ignore people who can't agree with your choices. Its none of their business who you like to date and I'd start telling people that if they question you. Its called freedom of choice. Thank God we have it. It would be really boring if we all looked alike wouldn't it?? Enjoy your lady. I wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (23 August 2015):
 It's NOT OK for a "friend" to suggest you get a skinnier/fitter GF if you LOVE the woman you are with, regardless of size. If a "friend" told me something like that I would reply with YOU have issues, man. And not debate it.
And I would just be straight up and tell them, I love this girl because she is WHO she is. And honestly it's none of your freaking business!
Taste, preferences, humor are 3 things we all have to various degrees - but you will find many who doesn't HAVE the same taste in wine, in women, in cars, books, movies or the same preferences in whatever, Some people find fart jokes hilarious, others need more "intellectual kind of humor.
I'd just stand pretty firm that YOU have your preferences and you don't give a flying fart what THEY think.
You can't control what others think, say or feel. BUT you can control how you react to it. So don't feel like you have to defend anything. Screw it.
Love her for who she is and be happy, ignore the haters.
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