A
female
age
41-50,
*eartbroken31
writes:Me and my ex started our relationship both extremely crushed by our ex's before. We were a support group for each other where we could express ourselves freely and get support from each other and advice. That grew into a relationship and I fell deeply in love with her. She is not a looker at all... I fell for the inner person. However her ex immediately before me died. She went to her funeral in November and then when we went to Las Vegas in December she was not into me at all. We didn't even have sex... we fought and she said horrible things to me and I caught a shuttle to the airport and went home. She begged and begged me back but things were different. Now six months later and almost 2 years into our relationship she starts crying to me about her ex she was married to for 16 years again!! I was livid and from there started sabotaging the relationship. I called her the day my closest friend died for support and I suspect she was out on a date with some chick, which she later confirmed and then denied, and was so mad I told her I was going to be with two bad chicks that were going to do what she hadn't been doing. Then when she didn't text back told her I was sorry and I thought about it and so on and so on. Basically tried to take it back but she said she had been with someone because of what i texted to her. Initially she was calling me all the time and I wasn't answering because I was hurt. And now that I want to talk she's doing the same and sent me a pic of her in her boxers that someone else sent to me. She called me and was talking to me then all of a sudden she hung up. However she called back and it was a voicemail, of her with some other woman. My heart just fell to pieces. I sent her a text wishing her and the new woman in her life well. When I did talk to her she said that she wasn't living with the woman or having sex with anyone!!! She said she loves her ex of 16 years but that she is in love with me. What does that mean?? I haven't contacted her since and she hasn't contacted me either. What should I make of this?? Please someone explain this to me because I am deeply hurt and so confused as to what to do!!
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female
reader, heartbroken31 +, writes (16 May 2012):
heartbroken31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile I'm at it let me add that I did lie to her. I told her from the beginning that I am a very private person and that I don't like when people tell my business. I even added that once you tell someone my business I will never tell you anything else. She got mad one day and let everyone at her job read my facebook messages and from there I stopped telling her things I didn't want the whole world to know. Can you blame me? Maybe we should've broken up then... it's definitely a deal breaker and also a breach of trust for me!!
A
female
reader, heartbroken31 +, writes (16 May 2012):
heartbroken31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat's worse is that I don't think that she is going to read this and see the fact that each time I needed her she kicked me and then got mad that I responded to her in an emotional manner. Typical Narcissistic behavior!! (Examples 1. In December my grandmother had just passed two weeks prior. 2. The incident with the text message was during the time I was trying to bury a friend of mine.) She's going to read this and start victimizing herself, as usual, and harp on the fact that I wrote this even though it doesn't contain her name. Not realizing for a second, that everything I did was a reaction to her actions!! Not saying that it was right but that her actions caused this reaction!!
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A
female
reader, heartbroken31 +, writes (16 May 2012):
heartbroken31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wrote this on the 8th. She told me that she was in love with me but that she loves her ex on the 3rd. Today she tells me that she loves her new friend. Can you believe that she hadn't even gotten over her ex in 3 years and now after a year and a half of us being together and breaking up she loves someone else within a week and a half. I think she never loved me at all. I would be broken into pieces right now but instead I'm thinking she is mentally unstable. The chick she was with before me left her because she realized what I did that she is still in love with her ex and sadly enough this new girl will too. Well if she has any respect for herself and isn't blinded by all the gifts she gives in the beginning. My ex falls in love with every chick she meets (provided they meet her sexual needs). I feel like nothing we had was special at all. I'm disgusted that I wasn't smart enough to realize all the signs of a narcissistic personality. I'm so relieved I never have to deal with her again. I will be emailing her links to this page and another page on narcissism (www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/narcissism-understood.htm with the hope that it will help her to understand herself so that she seeks psycological help!!! She actually asked me that after a month and A text message I sent while burying a friend, "What did I expect to happen?" I quickly thanked her for the big slap of closure and advised her that at least I wouldn't wonder what could have been because she made it painfully clear that it was nothing a month and a text message couldn't undo. COMPLETELY ASTOUNDED!!
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (8 May 2012):
 Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, heartbroken31 +, writes (8 May 2012):
heartbroken31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know Deagan I think you are right. After reading that passage I can't see any actions that show any love for me or any regard for my feelings. I think that shows that she is not only emotionally unavailable but also selfish and self-centered. You never know how what you do affects others but I want to let you know how much just your response means to me. Thanks for helping me to move on and see this situation for what it truly was. OVER BEFORE IT STARTED!!
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (8 May 2012):
The two of you being together is not healthy. She is going to need a long time to heal from this, and she is obviously not ready to be with someone else. She needs to continue with group, family and friend support, but not any sort of romantic support.
It's hard to say if she truly loves you or not, quite honestly. She doesn't sound ready to love again, that's my take on it.
It's best that you two go your separate ways. If you don't feel right ending it with out speaking to her, then fine, speak to her by simply wishing her the best of luck.
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