A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 43 year old woman considering a divorce. Overall, I've been told that I have a great personality, I'm easy to get along with, intelligent, and fun.I also look and dress younger. I have a career and make decent money.My main problem, however, is low self-esteem and after many years with a narcissistic and cold man I feel like a complete failure. He has told me many times that nobody will ever want me so I'm scared that if I do leave him, I will be forever alone.What can I do to start believing in myself?And finally, is it possible to find someone caring and affectionate at my age?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 April 2016):
 I can imagine the scare-factor here. It IS a huge transition to go from a marital home to being single. But isn't it more scary to think you HAVE to live with someone who systematically tear you down.
Maybe start out small? Like find a room-mate situation? It will mean lower bills than living alone, but still have some privacy. Maybe ask family and friend if they know someone, so it's not a total stranger you move in with.
If you are not working now, then start as soon as you can get one. And put money aside during the process of the divorce.
You might also be "entitled" to some spousal maintenance during and up to a year after the divorce (depending on the state)
I think your husband is the one who should be "scared" - because he thinks he's got you RIGHT where he wants you, too scared to leave.
And lastly, don't BEAT yourself up for having stayed so far, it doesn't help you to do that. Look FORWARD not to the past.
When you do leave make SURE you do it safely if you have any doubt about what he might do. YOUR safety comes first.
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (26 April 2016):
 Hi
Something Dr Phil says that is true is that when it comes to bad relationships, there's only one thing worse than being married to the wrong one for ten years, and that is being married for ten years and one day.
Don't be scared, be excited!!
You will be so proud of yourself if you kick him to the kerb
Read everything on self empowerment you can and change your mind set to a positive one, even on every day things not just love.
Expect good things to happen and people to be helpful and cooperative in every day life
Be helpful and kind to others and this will come back to you and make you stronger day by day until you can stand in your own power
Good luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the positive and uplifting comments.
I'm so mad at myself for staying with him for so long.
Now he's saying that I won't be able to manage financially.
I just need to do it but i"m scared, to be honest
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 April 2016):
I would rather be alone than with a man who treated me the way your husband is treating you. I wouldn't find being alone scary, I think I would find it freeing.
As for his statement nobody would want you, HOW would he know? He doesn't. I think it's more likely that no one would want HIM, definitely NOT long term.
Do the divorce, FOR you. And then TAKE some time to find yourself again, to feel happy JUST being you. When you can DO that... YOU can date and find a man who would be LUCKY to have you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2016): Wow, he seems to be a real charming guy! Do you have any young children to worry about? If not, then I would say yes leave him. You don't need an asshole like that to pull you down all the time. You live only once and there is absolutely no reason you should live it miserably . But don't worry about finding a replacement immediately.Think positive and enjoy your freedom being single till someone really suitable and decent comes along . No 43 is not too old at all.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (26 April 2016):
A woman told me once..."You will never find someone as good as me !" I said "You are correct. I will find someone better than you" :)
So I guess your husband is correct. He is a nobody. He did say nobody would want you...and he married you...which makes him...
So...if nobody wants you, then somebody will want you :))) Have you tried a somebody?
I am not one to promote divorce...but sometimes one person's garbage is another person's treasure.
Honestly... I think you need to stand your ground and let him have your deep down voice with both barrels blasting.
Leaving when you are this weak will put you back in the same position, unless you stand up for yourself now, and TAKE BACK YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. It is yours, and you let him walk all over it. Once you have taken it back, and built up your confidence again...then you can move on... But leave in confidence, not weakness.
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