A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I pretty much know the anser to this but want some feedback! About three months ago I met a girl and it was an instant connection, something I have not felt in awhile. She was in a stifling relationship so we just met out a couple times nothing harmful. She broke it off with the guy and we went out on our first date and everything went well. One of the problems is she got divorced after a 16 year marriage where she put everything into it only to be cheated on. Then she dated her friend who helped her out after the divorce for two years but as stated was in a stifling relationship. Once we started dating she acted like we were serious while I wanted to date and get to know each other. She went to an athletic event with her ex boyfriend as a promise to him for one last day!! He now drives by her house and checks up on her constantly. I cannot go over to her house because she doesn't want him to see, and the relationship has faultered since the event.She says she wants some free time for herself, something she hasn't had in years. I asked if she just wanted to be friends and she claims no but tells me not to plan around her and that I should date other people. She told me I was everything she was looking for but I am beginning to think she isn't ready. All I want to do is date and get to know her.Do I give her space and let her know to call me when she is ready? She like me texting her daily but I feel I am putting to much effort out for little return.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses. Pretty much what I gathered but still hard to accept. I do not want to get into a "friend" mode as that to me is a death sentence for the future, I could be wrong. The funny thing is if I act like I have other things going on she responds more.
We shall see! I really like her!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): I agree with all the posters. Furthermore she said you should date other people. It sounds as if she does respect you abut doesn't want to hurt you. With her "ex" in the picture she probably gave you the best advice by saying date other people. I wouldn't bother wasting time getting to know her either. Its not easy but date other people and give your mind a rest from her. Allow her to get to know you better if she wants too.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 When she said she doesn't want to just be friends, she meant she likes you as a potential lover, but isn't ready for it now. That could mean she was trying to spare your feelings, but I suspect she meant it.
However, I recommend you back away and either treat her as a friend or create even more distance than that, depending entirely on what you are comfortable giving without a promise of a future with her.
She isn't ready and may not be for a long time. When she is, there may be a new man in the picture and you may be permanently in the "friend zone".
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2009):
She's said it all. She wants space and isn't ready to date at all. That doens't mean you can't say hi occassionally, or just be there if she needs a friend, but she won't date.
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