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I'm becoming close with my best friend's hubby's best friend! Is there something there or is this wrecking a friendship?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2017)
A female Canada age 36-40, *1chelle82 writes:

I've becomever very close with my best friends hubbys bestfriend. We hang out all the time and he stays at my house most nights or I'm at his.(unfortunate event car accident and he's got to vehicle)people think we are dating but we are "just friends" when he's drunk he's flirty and we even made out heavily once when he was wasted.when we are sober he seems to just be friends. Is there something good more there? Is wrecking a friendship a valid excuse?

View related questions: best friend, drunk, flirt

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (5 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntWhy don't you talk to him? If you like him then tell him how you feel. You don't really have much to loose.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (3 April 2017):

Denizen agony auntWell M1chelle82, let's get down to brass tacks. What do you want out of this? If you wanted to reel him in I don't think it would be too difficult. If you don't think he is interested enough in you to justify having him as a boyfriend then throw him back.

If you don't move one way or the other this could drag on for years. You will then have lost the chance either to develop a life together or with someone else.

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A female reader, M1chelle82 Canada +, writes (3 April 2017):

M1chelle82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the advise. In response to some questions or comments and clarification. We do everything together it's like a relationship missing the sexual parts. Hes alwsys doing nice things like carrying my bags, pays for my dinner almost always I'm always.it's assumed I'm going to his family events and such which is why I thought there might be more.also I keep saying I'm moving back home (across the counrty) so not sure if that plays into his not wanting anything. When i bring up moving home he does say we'll come up with a plan so i dont have to move back.but i do think I've given him enough signals that he knows he wouldn't be rejected if he tried to make a move. He sleeps at my house so we can car pool as he lives in the town in work and vise versa. Since the accident_that wasnt his fault or alcohol related. I live with mutual friends so he stays in my bed. But maybe it is just a friendship,I've always had walls to avoid this stuff but this time I think I cracked them for him. I've also always been a door Mat for people to take advantage of. Perhaps I've just made things too convienent for him so he takes advantage of it all. The time we did make out he started it and I wasn't drunk although he was. (And I was the one benefitting ??) he's very flirty when drunk and when we sleep drunk we tangle ourselves but sober sleeping we aren't so much. Im always touching and snuggling with him and he never pushes away but he also dosent usually respond. Weve had other conversations before and hes had relationships that started as friends only but grew into more. Im just not sure if this is one of those or not. Is the friend zone really is a thing. Is it that he would be interested if i was a size 2? How come I'm good enough to be a best friend but not a girlfriend? boys....they say girls play games but sometimes I think men are just as guilty. It could be in my head too considering its been a long time since I was in a relationship (mostly cuz I have bad ones) and it was nice being close to someone again.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2017):

No, he was just getting his rocks off. And he was drunk. Which makes it worse.

I would not read further into it.

He just wanted a good time.

He is not interested in a relationship.

If you offered sex again, he would probably take it and then go back to being friends.

Don't get emotionally attached more than you already are.

If you really want to know his intentions, ask HIM.

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A female reader, M1chelle82 Canada +, writes (30 March 2017):

M1chelle82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the advise. In response to some questions or comments and clarification. We do everything together it's like a relationship missing the sexual parts. He pays for my dinner almost always I'm always invited to his family events and such which is why I thought there might be more.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntStick to being friends. IF he ONLY flirts and wants to make out when drunk he isn't really wanting more with you than friendship.

Just keep sex and romantic notions out it (for you own sake).

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (29 March 2017):

There's no good to being some guy's f-buddy when he's drunk; and just a friend when he's sober. Why would you even consider allowing this to go on? You're obviously starting to catch feelings, or reading more into it than he wants you to.

Drunken-behavior is irrational and irresponsible. Feelings are distorted by the influence of alcohol. People do all sorts of wild and crazy things when they're drunk; and nothing good ever comes from being with a drunk. If it was all good, they wouldn't use it as an excuse; or as a defense when they get into legal trouble.

Was the car-accident due to driving under the influence?

If you intend to play by the rules of friends with benefits, which I highly doubt you will; I suggest you end this and just be friends in the platonic-sense.

According to the by-laws of FWB, there is to be no emotional-attachment to sex. You date whomever you wish.

Your options are completely open, and real feelings are a complication. So be forewarned!

What you neglected to include is that you are probably tipsy when he's intoxicated; and he's taking advantage of your lowered inhibitions.

That's no way to start a romance or friendship, my dear!

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2017):

Denizen agony auntI think it's friends. And if I were you I would stop these sleep overs. You have a reputation to protect don't you. To be honest I don't understand your line about wrecking a friendship. How do you see that happening?

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