A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I were together for 2.5 years. I ended the relationship about a year ago due to his immature habits (gambling and binge drinking on weekends). After the break up we tried working on things but ultimately not enough time had passed and nothing changed. Now almost a year later, he has changed. He began to contact me about 2 months ago, while he had another girlfriend. He would tell me he missed me, his best friend and the love of his life. Fast forward to today, he has corrected his bad habits, he has broke up with his GF due to a lack of love for her, and now says he wants me back. When we spend time together, it seems normal and happy. But when we are not together I feel as if he treats me like I am replaceable. Unenthusiastic and when I ask to make plans it’s “maybe”. Is he playing games with me, or is this just how taking it slow with an ex works?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2018): [EDIT]:
"It's spell-binding and neutralizes the common-sense in women."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2018): He has to disconnect with the woman he recently broke-up with; so he needed a backup-plan. You're familiar, responsible, and still holding feelings for him. So like a stray-cat, he goes to the one person who will take him in. He doesn't have to deal with his post-breakup feelings; you will dote and fuss over him to make him feel loved and special.
He's behaving for the moment; and basically just waiting until he finds someone else to replace both of you. Then he'll show his true-colors.
What you see is only what she might have temporarily fixed; but it wouldn't stick, so he had to go.
She got wise, and threw him out. He had no place to go.
Don't recycle exes. They usually don't change at the core; they just behave so you'll feel sorry for them. Meanwhile; they are still who they always were.
That "new and improved" version is all a facade; or you would have run for the hills. Must be killing him putting on that show 24/7! His new character-role and most convincing performance probably deserves an Academy Award. He's got you fooled.
He played on your ego. He came home, like a runaway-child. You feel like you rescued him from something. He told you he loved you...the L-word is always always a winner. It's spell-binding and neutralized the common-sense in women.
He feels nothing more than familiar, relieved, and comfortable. Only because you laid-out a welcome mat for the prodigal-boyfriend.
You don't/can't pickup from where you left-off. he had time to practice and rehearse for his performance.
You are now feeling regret; because you're wiser now than you were before. Your intuition and common-sense has pierced his phony simulation of a better guy. He's the same mess you kicked to the curb the first time. Just pulling the wool over your eyes. You were all broken-in, user-friendly, and you've got a big heart. He knew just who to contact when she pointed to the door.
Go put on your good boots. You've got to kick him to the curb again. Hope he's helping with the bills and the rent.
If you're covering all expenses; he must think you're a sucker.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 April 2018):
 I think you are his "go-to" girl. He knew his relationship was ending and didn't WANT to be alone so while his relationship was crumbling... he started to reach out to you.
He doesn't WANT to be alone.
And if he isn't really working though WHY his latest relationship, he just jumped from HER to you, then he might NOT be ready for a GF.
I agree that talking might be needed but I would also pull back a little. LET him do the work. LET him SHOW you in actions that he really WANTS to be back with you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 April 2018):
 It sounds like he is not sure what he wants at the moment. Spending time together is good but you both need to communicate as well. You need to tell him how you feel and ask him where he sees the future going? Tell him you need to know what he wants.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 April 2018):
 Sounds as if he is not as committed to the reconciliation as you are ...
It might be time for THE TALK. Ask him for his long term plans and where he sees you within those plans, and if you ARE front and centre get a time line.
Its possible he has cleaned up his act, probably for the other girl he was dating ... its possible she was the one that was unhappy in that relationship and, reading the writing on the wall, he reconnected with you.
Its time for the straight talking.
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