A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married to my wonderful wife for 2 years now and everything has been great up until just over a week ago. My wife's cousin decided to come and visit us for a little over two weeks. When I first saw her I thought she was a moderately attractive person but that was it and nothing else because she's my wife's cousin.Fast forward a week after my wife, her cousin and I took a trip out of town to show her around and I've become very attracted to her mentally and physically. I've met plenty of my wife's friend over the years I've known her and most of them I found extremely good looking but that was all I never had any thoughts beyond them being attractive.I really love my wife and I don't won't to mess up our marriage. I will definitely not cheat on her no matter what(I'm positive even if I wanted to her cousin would not) but I keep think how much I really like her.She'll be gone in a week but it not like she'll be gone forever because she is my wife's family and I can't avoid her for the rest of my life. Do I tell my wife?Do I tell her cousin?Do I tell them both?Will the feelings go away?What if they don't go away?I keep thinking if I didn't meet my wife I would be extremely interested in this woman.I'm torn up about this one so please give me some advice!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): of course you are attracted, NORMAL. but STOP, choose wisely, decide, be in AGREEMENT with what you know you want. It 'always' starts with the feelings and there it should end.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): I've decided not to tell anyone about my attraction and see what happens after she leaves. I just kinda wish she would leave sooner.
Something I didn't post before. My wife noticed something was different with me the other night and she asked me if I was attracted to her cousin. Guess I was being a little transparent when hanging out with them. I told her no but she said she wants me to tell her when ever I have an attraction to someone. She said she would be upset but she would rather know.
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A
female
reader, Lotsalove. +, writes (21 July 2010):
 I don't think you should tell your wife or her cousin to be honest. It's only feelings, nothing has actually happened. I think you should wait until she leaves and see how you feel. If she leaves for at least 2-3 weeks and you cant stop thinking about her then you've got yourself a situation. But it's more than likely that when she leaves, your feelings for her will leave also and you'll realise how much you love your wife. Your marriage seems to be steady and you both seem to be happy, and eventhough you claim you wont mess up your marriage, you've gone as far as writing to us about your feelings, so maybe theres a bit more than just a general attraction. Take my advice and see how you feel after she's left. Make sure you give us an update too =)
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A
female
reader, almc  +, writes (21 July 2010):
So don't tell anyone, if you tell the cousin, she might think your trying to sleep with her and tell your wife, and if you tell your wife, she is going to think she needs to start looking and acting like her cousin, or you want to leave her for her cousin. All that said and done I think you need to keep it to your self, you don't think your wife has not seen a man that she thinks is sexy? Because she has but never said anything because her heart is with you. And I can tell that your in love with her and don't want to leave her for this other lady. Some people thinking about having sex with another person, say its good for the relationship, so hey if you want to think about her when your with the wife then do it but all said and don't you shouldn't tell them, and these feelings will go away, its just because your spending a lot of time with her showing her around town, and living together. But good luck. Let me know what you end up doing :)
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A
female
reader, lovehater +, writes (21 July 2010):
Do not tell your wife, her cousin or do anything!! It would be pointless and hurtful to your wife. You already stated you really love your wife and would not cheat on her - what would be the point of telling her then?? To make her upset? Then you stated that you are pretty sure that her cousin would want nothing to do with you anyways. Even if she would, you barely know this cousin and could end up throwing away everything with your wife for nothing.Basically, you've known this cousin for 2 weeks. That's it!! You hardly know her and it's easy to think everyone is great in the beginning. It's perfectly normal to be attracted to other people when you are in a relationship. Don't beat yourself up for that. You are probably just feeling a little harmless crush on the cousin. If you want to play the hypothetical game - you could end up dating her and realize she is not what you thought at all. You may be extremely interested in this woman had you not met your wife but the fact is you ARE with your wife and you ARE MARRIED. Respect that commitment you made. Also put the shoe on the other foot. If your wife was in this predicament with your cousin, would you want her to tell your or tell your cousin? Probably not. If these feelings don't go away,(which they most likely will) you should talk to a smart and trusted friend. Are you sure you aren't having an issue of wanting what you can't have and this isn't about the cousin at all?? Whatever you do, don't cheat. That's a death sentence to ending your marriage. Realize that attraction to others is normal. Just do not act on them
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A
female
reader, Jesc +, writes (21 July 2010):
 Ouchy.I could just imagine how much that would hurt me if my partner did that. But I would rather hear the truth.It's not wrong of you to be attracted to someone else even with someone. It's wrong if you do something, While with that person.I would say tell your wife. But in a way where it's not so much about "If I was not with you I'd be with her." That's going to end very badly. I would just tell her what you said here. How you find her attractive both mentally and physically. Try to explain it out best for her. You know your wife better than us and telling her the way you know it won't be so bad is the best.Telling them both might be good too, So that way they can arrange where you don't really deal with seeing her or having feelings. Also that your wife can still have her family. I just vote for being honest. Don't try to hide it. I think it will go away after some time.
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