A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Dear Cupid, I'm at a crossroads at this point in my life. I need some advice on how to deal with this situation I'm in where I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 7-8 months. We are in love with each other and have invested so much emotionally, financially, etc. in order to be together. We are perfect for each other and are happy! He recently came to visit me in Atlanta for the first time this month and my friends/family adored him. I went to spend time with him in January for a week and we had the time of our lives despite the blistering cold weather this past winter. Before I continue on with my story, I want to give you a recap of how I met this guy. Last September during a planned vacation to NYC, a friend and I attended a speed dating event and he was there. We gravitated toward each other instantly; the connection between us from the start was organic. We exchanged numbers. Upon returning from Atlanta, I didn't think random talks on the phone would lead into an intense connection. He asked me out almost a month after we met. I hesitated because I had my reservations about entering into a long distance relationship since I had been in one six years prior, and I expressed that to this guy. But after two weeks of deliberation and conversation, I decided that I would give it a try as long as we were 100 percent involved. I flew to NYC in Jan to spend time with him and the times we've shared since then either in person, via Skype, on the phone, etc. have been amazing. He told me that he wanted me to visit him for Thanksgiving this year to meet his mom who regularly visits every holiday season from Africa. I felt special because no woman he's dated has ever been introduced to his mother. Since his last visit earlier this month, I see this relationship becoming more serious. With that being said, before meeting this guy I had always wanted to try NYC and to experience the hustle and bustle of working in the big city. My intentions of visiting last September was to get a feel for NYC with the potential of relocating there. After meeting my boyfriend, I told him I was serious about moving and to be with him. Over the course of our relationship, career-wise, I'm at a good place. In the past year alone, I've been promoted twice in my firm in Atlanta and I'm content with the salary that I earn. I purchased a brand new vehicle which I've always wanted. With a successful career, I find myself becoming more cemented in Atlanta and I feel as though I'm falling back on my word about relocating to NYC. I asked my boyfriend last week if he'd be open to moving for me and he wasn't entirely happy about it. The biggest issue is my car which I just purchased; how can I relocate to NYC when I have a car note? I feel like its all on me to be able to keep the relationship intact and its causing me to be stressed. Should I just abandon this relationship and a move to NYC if he's unwilling to move for me? What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2014): what llifton said.You probably don't know each other well enough for this move.Here are questions you should probably ask yourself to help you figure it out.Do you have a job lined up in NYC if you move? How likely are you to get the equivalent lifestyle (profession and salary) after the move? Where are you going to stay when you move? With him? Bad idea after only spending a few weeks together in person. You barely know each other.Have you ever lived away from your family and friendship circle before? If not, do you think you can cope without them? Will you not get lonely?What if the relationship falls apart within a matter of months? How will you cope without your social support?FWIW I moved countries to be with my boyfriend and things are going great. However, we'd been dating for three years prior and he is happy to move to my country if things don't work out for me here. That's a partnership where we know each other and we're both committed enough to the relationship to compromise and be flexible if need be. I also found my job before the move and was in a situation where if things went pear shaped I would not have moved and lost everything for nothing.In your shoes, I wouldn't move in your circumstances. You risk everything with little confidence that it will work out.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 April 2014):
 No I don't think you should leave your job and relocate like that. You don't truly know him yet. talking on the phone and interacting for a few weeks in person is completely different than having a relationship where you are with each other all the time and really get a feel for how compatible you two really are. For all you know, you could move up there and discover two months later that you'd made the biggest mistake of your life, realizing you two don't get along in person, and regret it. You may not, but seeing as how you don't really know this guy yet, you don't have a foundation to fall back on. You don't know what day to day life with him consists of.
I'm NOT a gambler, so I wouldn't do it. You're clearly pretty well established where you are and relocating just doesn't seem in the cards. if he is unwilling to relocate for you eventually, I might venture to say the relationship has run it's course. good luck.
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