A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 3 years goes out each thursday night with friends, this is usually fine but i am at work on a friday so do prefer him not to come in too late. He usually comes in about 1am. Weve had a number of arguments about this mainly because im usually exhausted from him coming in late and waking me up. He also gets really bad hangovers usually ruining any possible friday night and saturday activities. This happens weekly and hes always done it so i guess so as long as he doesnt come into late ive accepted it. Tonight he comes in at 2:30 with friends. We live in a small flat where the communal area is right next to our bedroom, he came straight into the bedroom knowing that this wasnt ok but when he asked if i wasnt happy and i said no he said he didnt care, slammed the door and there now drinking and being incredibly loud right next door making sleep impossible. I know from experience that this is likely to go on till 6am and i have to be up for work shortly after then. I'm appalled at his disrespect and dont know what to do about it? Generally the relationship is positive and were happy. Weve lived together for over a year. Whilst i have a standard 9 till 5 job he works from home. Is this something where i should seriously consider ending the relationship? His lack of respect has really hurt me and i dont know how to respond. Usually i'd be upset as in angry and shout at him but i dont feel that at all. Just sad and upset.
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female
reader, worriedgirl2012 +, writes (28 February 2016):
I feel like there may be more of a drinking problem than he's letting on. How old is this guy to still be getting hangovers??
You seem very reasonable and responsible. You definitely don't need some party animal disrupting your schedule and adult life. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2016): It's not acceptable. It's abusive behaviour. Find somewhere you can feel safe peaceful healthy and happy. Don't tell him just do it. Then he can carry on being selfish to his hearts content and you don't have to be degraded any more. If he won't show you some respect then it's time to show yourself some.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (27 February 2016):
 This is always a tough dilemma.
If you come down on the fact that he is going out and creating a raucous when he comes back in, he'll see you as taking away his freedom and stealing his "fun". If you ignore it, this problem continues to fester and will eventually create a wedge between you. Ultimately, you'll feel like you are sacrificing for the sake of your relationship and will cause resentment.
I think you have some thinking to do because ultimately you have a decision that only you can make. Part of the dating equation is figuring out whether your partner has basic respect and understanding to your needs. Sometimes we slip up and a healthy relationship tries to correct the problem or find work arounds.
Perhaps on nights he likes to party, he spends the night at another guy's house so as not to disturb you. Or better yet, he rents a cheap motel room. Another option is to not live together (but still date). That way you can each do what one wants and meet when it is convenient.
Another aspect to consider is his taste in fun. If going out, getting drunk, and stumbling in at the wee hours of the morning doesn't jive with you, it could be a sign that you really aren't compatible. Some folks really enjoy that scene and others do it to themselves week after week -- hangovers and DUIs and all. Another thing to look at is whether he may or be developing a drinking problem.
Again, there are no easy answers to your problem. But the whole dating process is understanding whether the person we are with respects and loves us and whether we can tolerate their lifestyle choices. In this case, you may be realizing a whole new side of your partner -- one that you dislike -- and it is giving you good reason for pause.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 February 2016):
 He is showing no respect for you at all. I wouldn't accept this kind off treatment from my other half. Boys nights are great yeah, but on a weekly basis when you are working the next morning is completely unacceptable. I think you have let it get so far that he knows he will get away with it. I think you need to tell him just how much this is effecting you. If he wants to go out then he should go back to one of his friends houses.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 February 2016):
 You've let this terrible behavoiour go on for far too long. I suggest that you part ways with this immature and inconsiderate slog, and get a real boyfriend (who is considerate)....
good luck...
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 February 2016):
 It is not an unreasonable request to expect him to keep it down on his arrival. He owes it too you to listen, he should see just how sad and upset his blatant disrespect has caused you. Up to you if you decide to stay or end things but if there is a next time, you had better be prepared to pack your things should he do it once more. Better still, if you are serious pack one while talking to him, put it under the bed and tell him-' Just in case there is a next time". Mind you, nursing a hang over would require the same as you ask of him, perhaps a loud noisy night is whats in order.
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