A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been having some issues after some events from a year ago and was hoping for a bit of clarity or advice. Here i go...Around the begining of last year my partner of 7 years and I decided to take a break from the relationship to get to know ourselves again, much to my mothers dispair - she seemed to think that it was a huge mistake I was making and refused to listen to anything I had to say - around this time an old friend passed away which left me feeling emotionally weak and sparked some health problems (anxiety and depression got worse and I started to loose weight from an inability to keep most foods down) I understood this to be grief and just went into myself.During this time a woman introduced to my circle of friends had began speading rumors about me, claiming i was having an affair with a married man acquainted with our group. I wasn't but he seemed to thinkm I had some feelings for him due to my being friendly, I had made myself clear to him that I wasn't interested but would like to be friends, he seemed to accept and whenever he would flirt I would just brush him off and eventually I got to know his wife (he would often tell me she was paranoid and controlling, whilst they did have problems she was very nice and polite to me) a few weeks passed and my mother had heard the rumors. She believed them. Eventualy the married man wanted a word alone to tell me his feelings and I refused them which resulted in the worst day of my life, I can't say the word and foolishly I never did because I believed no-one would believe me with all the rumors about us.I ended up becoming seriously ill, the eating issues I had had become dangerous, nothing would stay down and i started vomiting blood. A good friend had rushed me to hospital and she even contacted my mother at my request since I was barely able to speak and mother was hundreds of miles away on a trip.After all of that my mother was still convinced of an affair and refused to listen to me and since I was too weak I just relented and gave her what she wanted keeping the truth to myself. My partner however did listen and took care of me whilst I was recovering and eventually we got back together.Another friend had dies during that time also which prompted me to move away with my partner and start fresh.So heres the thing, I can't go out because everytime I do, I panic, get anxious and then get angry. I can't speak to my mother without repressing this horrible feeling of resentment since she's all nice now my partner and I are together again (she's had 2 affairs and has been a victim of domestic abuse).Just what the hell is going on with me? I'm fine at home but these feelings are there, I love my mother but I also want to slap her, I've left the rumors behind but want to claw at the face of the woman that started it, the married man is the one thing I rarely think about when it feels like it should be there constantly.I've given you all an essay and i'm sorry for that but I wanted you all to know the facts and if you did get this far, Thank You, I feel like crying but this feels like the best i could have done right now.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 May 2016):
 I think you should write your mother a letter and tell her exactly how you feel, explain to her how this has upset you and that you never did anything wrong. Then write a letter to the woman who caused this mess and tell her what she has done to you. Hopefully that will help get these feelings off your chest, it is up to you weather you send the letters or else just keep them in a closed box.
Secondly I think you should go to a doctor to get help with your anxiety and depression, if you are on medication it may need to be changed and I think you may need CBT therapy.
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