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I'm afraid women won't be interested in me because I'm still a virgin

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 August 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 19 August 2011)
A male United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

What type of women hate virgins?

I'm 23 and although still fairly young I always have this fear that I'll end up still being a virgin at 30. My fears are based on the fact that if I meet a girl who i care about, she'll reject me on that basis because I inexperienced, and she'll think I must be a weirdo to not have gotten laid before 30.

My lateness up until now has been down to a) not wanting a one nighter, b) not having many opportunities at uni until now by being in the wrong type of environment for myself and c) that I lived with some women who used to bully me.

The thing is I don't see anything wrong with me and I nearly lost it with my last girlfriend (but couldn't get it up due to tiredness and alcohol after a late party) but any future girlfriend may thnk otherwise and dump me because of one thing I have little experience in that is largely important in a relationship

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A male reader, Gandi United States +, writes (19 August 2011):

wow, I feel like I'm reading my own words. I swear to God I'm in the exact same situation. Same age too. If it makes you feel better or less of a freak (that's how I feel sometimes, so I'm assuming its how you're feeling), a really good friend of mine ( a girl) really insisted on having sex with me and I just found myself automatically refusing, saying there is no such thing as friends with benefits.

But like now I'm questioning my actions. Thing was, I had a pretty low key relationship with another girl and I was really getting into her. Anyway, just want to let you know you're not alone.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

It shouldnt matter if your a virgin or not! Heck, I'd be glad to know that I wouldnt be having sex with someone whose done tons of other girls. lol.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):

Bro, don't listen to that guy who said you should basically give up and convince yourself your turning them down. That's just delusional, although I can't blame him for trying to cope, I mean he's a 30+ male virgin.

So this advice goes to both you and the 30+ male virgin. Don't tell anyone you want to have sex with that you're a virgin unless they ask. Yeah, you're above the average age that people lose their virginity and that makes you different. So what, you're a little different in that respect, just live with it. Get out there. Go on a dating website and meet people you'll like. Date different people for a while and if it works out you might have sex, and it'll relieve the pressure. You might not, so you go out with someone else, rinse and repeat. It's called dating, you gotta live life and have these experiences man. It'll happen and it'll feel natural.

Don't be afraid to meet new people, they're just like you and me... well most are anyway.

Hope I helped.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010):

Thirty plus virgin male speaking.

Just stop worrying and start living. Convince yourself that you are rejecting them, not the other way around. If a woman rejects you because you are a virgin, she is immature and/or interested only in sex. Either way, you are not missing anything and you should really reject them.

Find a marriageable woman, never a one-night stand. Period.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010):

I can understand your worries. I'm 23 too, and a virgin. Okay, I'm a female, so it may be a bit different. But I also have the concerns you have. I worry that a guy will think I am "weird" or that there is something wrong with me because I have not had sex yet. The reality is that I am not interested in having a one-night-stand, my past relationships have all been quite disastrous, and I don't really get to meet people. Like you, I have gotten close in the past, but it has not happened. So I think I can relate to your concerns, although from a female's point of view!

I think there will probably be plenty of girls who won't be put off at all. In fact, I think a lot of girls may be happy to hear you are a virgin. Some women get insecure and feel a need to compare themselves to their partners past lovers, so it may be more of a relief for them. Having little experience isn't necessarily a bad thing either. I mean, everyone likes different things. So when you are in a sexual relationship with someone, you have to learn what your partner likes and doesn't like. Even if you have previous experience, it may not be what the other person likes.

You say you think a future girlfriend might dump you because of this. Well if she did, I don't think she is much of a girlfriend anyway! If you are with someone who cares about you and likes you, I can't imagine they would dump you over this. Sex isn't everything in a relationship. Yes, it may be important, but simply having little or no experience isn't terrible. It just makes learning more fun for the both of you. And although I can't speak for all females, I think you might find that this isn't as big a deal to women as it may be to you. I hope this helps.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (29 August 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntWomen don't hate virgins..in fact they can teach you everything that they like in bed for an enjoyable experience for them and you. I can't stand guys who think they know all the spots on women and try to go to town thinking that we enjoy it. Not all women like the same things in bed. So don't be afraid of being a virgin, women can easily teach you some new tricks as long as you show you're willing to learn!

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A female reader, charliesdevil73 United States +, writes (29 August 2010):

charliesdevil73 agony auntIf a girl didn't want to be with you because you are a virgin, then she isn't worth your time. She is probably looking for a fling or very short term relationship. I know that from experience. Those have been the only times I have turned down a virgin.

If you start something with someone and you both end up really caring about each other, this should NOT be an issue.

Some girls do not want a virgin because they feel men should be more experienced than them. But, some women love virgins. They feel like it is a chance to teach them exactly what they like. You might find a girl who needs a man to please her the way she wants and a way no man has taken the time to do yet.

My last piece of advice, don't ever do a one stand to lose it. It is so not worth it. Hang in there, I am sure you will make some woman very happy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2010):

I would honestly want to have a virgin boyfriend than a boyfriend who has slept with the whole town. I think its sweet that you dont want a one night stand. Some women like men who are vigins, it shows that they're not just going to throw it away. And sex isnt the most important thing in a relationship. Dont worry. Just wait for that special someone, and when you do meet that person it wont matter to them if you're dynamite in bed or not.:]

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