A
female
age
18-21,
spanna
writes:right, one for the mums i think. i know i'm young but i am talking about way way in the future, but i know my bf really wants kids. i love him very much and we see a future with each other. i, however, am not sure i can give him what he wants. i don't do pain very well, i don't know if i could deal with child birth, are all women like this before hand? i have always said i would never have kids, its only been in the last couple of years i thought it might be nice in the very distant future obviously. and the other thing that worries me is that my body would change a lot and i dont want my bf to find me unattractive after coz it'll be very different down there. please help me. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): The pain of childbirth is NOTHING compared to the pain of bringing them up for the next 20 years. I was a model with a fantastic figure, married, had three kids, husband left as figure was 'not quite same', pathetic. I have brought them up alone, now they have all left home, Im alone. I dont regret having them but the hard work has nearly killed me. Men change believe me, you cant guarantee you wont end up alone. If he is unfaithful type, he will cheat whatever your body. Think it over carefully. Having children is the hardest job in the world, But i have friends who regret not having any now they are in their 60s.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): I am going through a similar situation where my bf and I are talking about marriage and family. A good way to figure out if you want kids is to babysit! "Borrow" someone's kids for a day or even overnight. You may disover that you would love to have kids or you may chose to put the idea on the back burner for now. If you want to have kids, but are still worried about the physical aspects I've got a one would solution: ADOPTION!
...............................
A
female
reader, sxcbabiegal +, writes (19 July 2007):
 i know i'm not a mum but i'm studying child development at school and i think i might be able to give some advice. there are other ways of giving birth. it all depends if you want a natural birth or not you can have a pool birth which might not hurt as much. you can have a ceazerian or you can even ask your midwide or doctor to give u anastetic so you don't feel anything during the birth and as for the way you may look after you can get stretch mark creams and also to get rid of your bump just start walking or going to the gym you have nothing to worry about just make sure it's what you want
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): I am a 26 y/o mom of a 3 mo. old baby girl who weighed 9 lbs. at birth (big). I was in labor 40 hrs..It is painful, I asked for an epidural & then all the pain was totally gone. You will be surprised at how your "down there" snaps right back into place..It will be the same as it was before you had the baby. The doctor sews your vagina up. they numb it 1st so you won't feel it at all. I did gain weight, I am now 10 lbs. bigger than I was before I got pregnant, I have lost 20 lbs. since I had the baby & have 10 more to go. I did get the stretch marks & the "momma pooch" the loose skin on the stomach. However, my 2 sisters didn't get any of that & either did my mother. I have friends who's stomachs look horrible, and friends who look like they never even had a child. So every one is different & you won't know how your body will react until you go through it. But there is always a tummy tuck if your stomach gets really bad. Every woman has the same feelings as you, but almost every woman goes through it, and we're still walking around so don't stress/ It is a wonderful experience.
...............................
A
male
reader, Salad_Barbarian  + ♥, writes (19 July 2007):
 You should only have children if you are 100% sure. Having them because your boyfriend wants them or you believe it's just something you should do as a woman will lead to regret. If you really want children but don't want pregnancy why not adopt? Many kids are in need of a loving home and love is far superior to genetics.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Well first of all every woman is different. In my case I was thin and I still am I had two kids. I cant stand pain very well either that is why you could get an epideral if helps. Nothing really changes down there at least me for it didn't. The only thing that happened to me when I was pregnat and gave birth was I had some stretch marks but that is mostly it. Nothing really changes. If he loves you for who you are then he really wont care what you look like afterwards even though nothing will probably change and I had my first kid at 15 so if I can do it anyone can. Well before hand I didnt mind anything about when it was going to be time to have the kid that was far away the only way I got nervous was when it was like a week or two before but other then that I was happy caring my child and knowing that the baby would be coming soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, deejuliet + ♥, writes (19 July 2007):
 Right now you are very young and a bit selfish, and that is ok!! You should be at this age thinking of yourself and your needs rather than a childs. When you are ready and actually want kids you wont mind if they cut off your arm to get one. The pain is nothing to the joy of having a child. Yes, it is scary. I can remember being 9 months pregnant with my first and knowing that any day now I would have to expell a watermellon through a keyhole and I was terrified. But right now, I would do anything to do it again, to have another baby!! They offer great drugs and something called an epidural which numbs you from the waist down so that childbirth is nothing like it used to be. You will have some pain with the initial labor, but once you are at the hospital, it really wont be that bad. Childbirth affects women differantly. My sister looks almost like she did before having two kids. I however have been extremely affected. I have very large breasts (DDD) so pregnancy and nursing have taken their toll and they arent too pretty anymore. But it nothing a good bra cant handle, and it was so worth it to nurse two lovely little boys! My stomache was affected too. My first ripped my abdominal muscles so that they are about an inch apart (not painful in the least!!!) and so now I have a blob of fat hanging on my belly. I plan on having surgery in the next year or so to correct that though. The only reason I havent had the surgery so far is that I was really hoping to have another baby before I did the surgery, and it doesnt look that is ever going to happen. Sigh. Oh well. I really cant complain. I have 2 adorable, healthy children. I shouldnt ask for more. Anyway, in conclusion. Yes, there is some pain and some body changes. But when you are ready it will be worth it!
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (19 July 2007):
 Ok i'm a mum to two and it is the best experience you will ever have and yes we do all go through the same feelings as you are having.
I'm not going to lie to you child birth is painful but not as bad as some people make out, and there are many different pain reliefs out there to make it bearable.
Our bodies don't have to change that much either if you are sensible what you eat through your pregnancy and get exercise then you should not have too much of a problem.
And down there does not change that much it all retracts back into place afterwards.
Just make sure you do your pelvic floor exercises after giving birth and you should not have any worries.
Obviously after two with many years apart between them my husband still finds me very attractive and sexy andhas no moans about what childbirth has done to my body, (at least thats what he says anyway).
Take care.xx.
...............................
A
female
reader, macy +, writes (19 July 2007):
Hi, I became a mum at just 19yr old and had the same resrvations on what the pain would be like and what my body would look like after. I actually had a very easy labour and apart from a couple of stretch marks on the upper thigh (that arent really visible) i look just the same as before. I got back to my size 8 jeans without any effort and feel fantastic that i have been able to give my partner a beautiful daughter. There is plenty of pain relief optionsa and plenty of keep fit sessions for after. You will never be able to experience the joy of giving your partner the ultimate gift if you choose not to have children and that would be such a shame. Your partner's love will flourish for you when you become not only his partner but the mother of his child. Wish you well Xx
...............................
A
female
reader, brainache +, writes (19 July 2007):
I really don't do pain,but i've had 2 children,yes,it really does hurt,but i'm still alive,and i'm not sure what you've been led to believe,but you don't change beyond recognition,I was lucky and never had to exercise after mine,and i think breast feeding helped alot with that,and as for any other bits,i'm ok and still in working order,and i had stitches with both my births.Stop worrying about nothing,It's supposedly "natural"(sure a man made that one up)but we all do it time an time again,your no different to the rest of us,when the times right you'll be fine,and if not i'll pay to see you at the "freak show"!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, _kylie_ + ♥, writes (19 July 2007):
 i had my daughter 8 yrs ago, if you look after yourself during your preg and after and dont eat too much while you are pregnant your body wont change, and down there wont be any different, as far as pain, yes chidbirth is painfull but in this day and age we have lots of pain relief and id recomend taking advantage of what is available, feel free to massage me.
xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Hi - I am 35, no children, and still have similar fears that I did at your age. It is not vain to not want childbirth or pregnancy to ruin your body or its shape - it means you care about the way you look and want to remain attractive. I think all womens bods react differently to pregnancy - my sister for example is a size 8 and went back into a size 8 within literally hours of the birth. Other people will find it more of a struggle. Both are simply natural responses - and you shouldn't be harsh on yourself. With your positive attitude to recover / regain your shape after a future pregnancy means that you will do precisely that - you are in control and there is a great deal of support in your achieving that. As for the pain... well the whole thing is terrifying to me... but my friend did it 3 times so why would you if it was so bad. Each woman has a different story but someone once said to me when I asked them "So what was the pain like?" she said it took her over completely but each push was worth it because there was something wonderful at the end of it all. Enough said :-)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Anything in life worth having comes with effort. The hardest part of having children is not the childbirth, it is the rest of your life! But how much love and joy comes with it....it fills you up. I promise you that you will love your children so much it will make all your questions seem unimportant.
My figure is better now than it was before I had my son and I did not have him until I was 38. As for being different "down there" everything is fine. Most women return to a normal and satisfying sex life. Men who love them still love them. (Mine adores me.)
You are very young so why not wait a bit and enjoy your youth. I think you will find a more settled attitude towards this as the years go by. People change, they also age, get wrinkles and still love/desire each other. This may seem at odds with your standards now but it really is true.
...............................
|
