A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 28 year old female who's been in a relationship with another female for a year and a half. She's 25. I've been out for years. My friends and family all know. I've had many female relationships and am very at one with my sexuality. My girlfriend, on the other hand, has never been in a relationship with a woman before me. She seems very comfortable with it in a lot of ways. We discuss marrying each other and having kids one day. She even came out to her friends, dad and brother as soon as we started dating (her parents are separated). However, the problem is her mom. She's living at home with her until she finishes school. Her mother is extremely conservative and would most likely disown her if she knew of our relationship. It's a cultural thing. So she hides it. I'm respectful of that, as I don't want to be pushy. However, I'm afraid that one day, she will break up with me over this rather than stand up for our relationship. Any time her mom has asked questions alluding to being suspicious about us, it seems my gf backs away from me for a bit, and then comes back. She grows distant and calls me less often and doesn't see me for about a week. Then she goes back to normal and we fall back into place. I'm scared that one day, she's going to wake up and decide that she is going to leave me over it, as she doesn't want to be disowned over being with me. I have asked her if she plans to tell her mom about us eventually - I don't want to invest my heart into something so drastically much if she believes she will be too scared to stand up to her mom for us at some point, and will opt to leave instead. She says she plans to tell her down the road. That as long as we are happy and still together, she will do it. She's just scared of losing her entire mother's side of the family, which will likely happen. I don't blame her for being scared. Coming out to your parents is a very scary thing, especially when you know the reaction you will get will be bad. And I completely understand that she doesn't want to lose her whole mothers side of the family, as they are close to her. I guess I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to stay and wind up getting hurt. But I don't want to walk away and never known if she will fight for me. Anyone have any advice? I'm afraid of being left. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2014): I think you need to have a serious talk about it, but to the point where she cant just say she will further down the road. That it not fair to you or to her, you need to know were you stand. If telling her mother is going to completely ruin your relationship and she will leave why would you want to wait around for that to happen nobody would! And if she did leave she is not worth your love anyway. If she truly loves and wants to get married and have kids she will stay with despite what her mother will say or do. Its her life and yours! end of the day that his mother and she would come around eventually and i think your girlfriend needs to know that. Unless her mother is abit evil which i hope shes not. Its difficult situation, but i think the best this is communication even if you dont want the conversation, you need to know! Be honest!! Get the bottom of it
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