A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear readersI’m a 26 years old male professional and successful and I’m virgin. I want to live my life as many people do, find a girl, get married and have kids. I love girls and they are sexy and attractive but when I think about sex I feel that I’m going to fail because I always thinking about men and I had this feeling since I was seven even though I think having sex with men is weird. I’m really confused and I don’t know what to do?! My family pursue and ask me to get married and I want to, but I’m afraid from the future on the other hand if I come out to my family about the gay feelings, I will lose everything as we live in a conservative society and my parents will try hard to cure me! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Your over 26... you can do whatever you want, your a big boy now, you don't have to tell your parents everything. Get on a train, get on a bus, go on dates where they can't come. Parents don't come on dates and they won't be in your bedroom.. Didn't you see the Frankie Howard thing on BBC4. He managed to live with his lover long before homosexuality was legal.
What have your parents and their conservative views got to do with your love life. Go out and have fun just don't feel you have to come back and tell anyone.
Recently a minister in the government lost his job for similar reasons. Something to do with paying his lover money out of taxpayer funds. Yes, people were angry and yes they made fun out off him. Not because he was gay, that was alright. But he was gay and ashamed and trying to hide. People in Britain don't like that. Your gay so you should be proud. Just don't tell your parents.
Sigh, Northern Ireland is the only place in Britain that I can think off that still has such conservative views....
Even conservative areas have a thriving community.. Sorry for all the stereotypes, but have you seen Dead Ringers, the comedy show with the "Only gay in the Village"... lol...
Don't live your life to please everyone else... Life is too short. Your parents have lived their lives, they made their choices and their mistakes, they don't deserve to live your life as well..
If worst comes to worst. Save money and come visit us in London for fun and laughs with people who won't care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): They are your parents! They should love you for who you are. You cant just make a vow of celibacy to yourself for the rest of your life! Is there anyone you can talk to? You shouldnt have to hide your sexuality. There are many closoted gays that feel they cant tell anybody and they get really depressed and if you come out you can help a lot of people that are struggling with the same situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all or your help and advices
I’m 70 percent gay and because I know my family won’t accept it, I’ve avoided sex and I made my life busy by studying, working and travelling and maybe one day I’ll forget thinking about men but I was wrong, my problem is my family particularly my parents, they love me too much and I don’t want to break their hearts :(
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (21 August 2010):
Brilliant advice from Hugo95.. in Britian we have no problem with homosexuality, even in conservative societies they understand. They may take it badly at first, but they will get used to it, and since gay people can get married and adopt, they will understand it will not affect your life negatively... Even people in government are gay now..
The problem is, your not sure what you are or who you fancy. You need to get that straight in your head first before you go and declare anything. You think girls are sexy, don't want to have sex with a man, your still a virgin..... sigh.. it's hard to say what gender you prefer..
First you need to start dating, or at least find out what arrouses you and turns you on.. when you masterbate or have sexy thoughts, who do you think about, boy or girl? To tell the truth, you don't even have to put yourself in a box, you could like boys and girls and be bi-sexual... But untill you start working on dating, attraction and arrousal, at the moment you are celibate and confused.
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A
male
reader, hugo95 +, writes (21 August 2010):
Hi, I'm 15 years old, I'm gay and I'm also from the UK. Firstly, I don't think our soceity is particularly conservative, it's 2010 and MOST people would have absolutely no problem with you being gay. You might get the odd homophobe but you wouldn't exactly want to be friends with those people anyway would you? Over the past few years I've denied the fact that I'm gay to myself, I didn't want to believe it. But eventually the evidence got too much and I had to accept I am gay. I told my brother, sister, and some close friends and honestly feel SO much better now I have. I completely accept myself as a gay person now and it's so much better than denying it.I don't think sexual attractions actually tell you all that much about your sexuality, alot of straight people might like to try it with a man. The question is do you fancy men EMOTIONALLY. Do you find youself staring at particular males and thinking about them all the time? If yes, then you are probably gay. If not, then you might just be someone who prefers vanilla but wouldn't mind chocolate every now and again
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (21 August 2010):
try a relationship with a man first and maybe if it clicks then you will know what to do! remember they love you and they will except you the way you are!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): To me it sounds like you dont really know what you are yet, or maybe you're bi-sexual. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Just because many people dont approve of it doesnt mean that you have to hide who you really are. There are going to be many people who will dissaprove of your sexuality, but there will be others who will support you for who you are, and some of those people should be your be your family.
Since you might be bi-sexual maybe you should try having a relationship with a man. Its better to find out now than end up getting married to a woman and having kids and then finding out that you're gay.
I did some searching and found this website that I hope will help you.
http://www.ehow.com/how_4561058_youre-bi.html
I dont know if the website highlighted so you can click on it and go straight to the website so you might have to type it in [sorry]
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Not everyone can handle finding out that their son is gay. It's tough on any parent; their worldview for you includes the future with wife and kids.
You can never guarantee that coming out to them will work out well. The best you can do is hold your head high, and explain it in a calm, reasonable manner. Don't accuse them of anything, don't apologize for anything. You are adults exchanging information, not children with bitter recriminations. Be prepared to give them some time to accept it.
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