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I'm afraid he's cheating

Tagged as: Cheating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2014) 7 Answers - (Newest, 23 September 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Everything was fine 6 months ago he said he was.going somewhere and went off to where he said he was.going to see someone i asked him when he returned how it went but said they never turned up although he was missing few hours nw hes on phone constantly and makes up excuses to go out alone we live in same house yet we are just like friends ive spoke to him about this and he says he loves me and would never hurt me and if IM out and need picking up hes there straight away we were struggling for money and he went and gt job to help our situation but nw we hardlys see each other and when we are together it feels uncomftable its that bad i feel i cant even ask him a question without him feeling like im grilling him i love him and have been cheated on in every relationship ive been in and think im going mad plz help everything screams to me hes cheating but there's no proof ??

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (23 September 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntWAKE UP!!!!!..... STOP BEING "CONFUSED".... He doesn't give a crap about you... and YOU need to watch out, ONLY, for yourself. How egregious..... how outlandish, does this "relationship" have to become before you WAKE UP and see it for what it is???????

Sorry... but you're setting yourself up for still more disappointment, every day that you don't get away from this creep....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

But i have left he begs me to come back pleading with me he loves me in confused ! And i have a job aswell so in nt relying on him at all x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014):

You pick the wrong men because you're not being selective.

Maybe you're taking any man who comes your way and accepts you. Perhaps you've done little to build your own confidence; and all your validation and value is based on what men place on you.

You depend on men for strength and to compensate for your weaknesses; instead of working on them. You can't get beyond the old-school of thought, that you have to have a man to feel desirable. That men are the reason you don't like things about yourself. That you are powerless and they decide what you can have and can't have. He does whatever he likes; while you twist in the wind.

Women of a certain age begin to feel that their options are limited. They fear being alone and some even have the audacity to feel any man is better than no man at all.

They have a few bad experiences, make bad choices; then all men are no good. So they stop being selective. They give up the hope they'll find the right guy. Biggest mistake is, they don't see their own faults and don't bother changing anything. It's always HIS fault!!!

Your happiness is in your hands. YOU SHAPE YOUR DESTINY!!!

For some folks, the blame is on everything and everybody around them, never themselves!!! If you never own responsibility for anything and never see your own faults, you'll never change a damned thing. My body, my looks, my self-esteem, my age...blah blah blah. We all got problems. So we have to work to fix them. There are doctors, lawyers, therapists, social programs, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers; a plethora of choices and resources to choose, over having a piece of sh*t for a man to turn to!

We can't always depend on somebody else to fix things for us. Hiding behind relationships for safety and security.

Somebody to lean on. It's supposed to go both ways. He should be able to lean on you too! If you're not strong enough, then there's work to do.

Well, sometimes we have to be our own best friend. We have to fend for ourselves. We have to depend on our own resources for survival. Why suffer being with a dirtball of a human being, when you can do bad all by yourself? What good is a relationship that you suffer through every minute? How the hell is that better than being alone?

Most people are alone through self-isolation. They have some issue about mingling with others. The world is over-populated! Peace and quiet is a luxury these days!

Appreciate it when you have it!

If no one gives you a compliment, look in the mirror and compliment yourself all day long! Praise yourself in your mind, drown-out thoughts telling you're worthless without a guy! We should only invite people into our lives that make it better. Then we should return the favor.

If you put yourself in a position that you depend on a man, he pays your bills, buys your clothes, and puts the food on your table? That's not love, that is dependency. You should be sharing the living-expenses. Contributing to the household fund, and if you have to; be prepared to live on your own if his income ceases. If he is the source of your sustenance, then you wont leave; because you can't afford to. Therefore; you are at his mercy, and he will treat his pet dog better. Good men will never do this to you.

However; a good man deserves a strong woman who can carry her own weight, and his too during a crisis. Men are not always strong! Weak women drain them of their strength.

If you have no place to go, find yourself a women's shelter and get your life in order. If you don't have a job, it is time to find one. If you are at odds with all your siblings and family members, it is time that you rebuild bridges and reconnect with your kin; and grow yourself a support system.

If they're all dysfunctional and damaged; there's got to be at least one out of an entire family who's salvageable.

You always find the wrong men, because you look for men to take care of you. When they see that your very survival depends on them, they will rule you and mistreat you. It is also the type you like. If you consistently find cruel and nasty men, it's the kind you're attracted to. Your low self-esteem tells you take whatever you can get. Women have their own brains. They are not controlled by men unless they want to be, or they live in a culture that condones it. You can accept or reject the things about us you don't like. Don't blame love for hanging on; admit that it's fear that will not allow you to let go. You've got to be honest with yourself first.

Women can cry foul and blame men for all their woes and miseries. When it comes down to it. Each and every one of us has choices, and we can redesign and alter our own destiny. Success is having control of your own life, having the tools to survive, having friends and a support system; and having a spiritual belief system to fall back on, during the times when you have no place else to turn.

When life seems hopeless and you've exhausted all your options, then go to a church, synagogue, mosque, or a temple; and seek spiritual guidance and hope will be revived. Rebuild your strength from the inside out. Lift and boost your spirit and your soul will soar! There is a power greater than ourselves somewhere. If you don't believe that, then where will you find hope?

Pack your things and call a family member to give you a place to rest your head. Say a little prayer and start your life over from scratch. Don't worry about your age, or if you don't have a man. He might own the house, but he doesn't own you!

It's about you and living. Let him go.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014):

I would just end it, this sounds like a miserable relationship. It is better to be by yourself than stress yourself out this way all the time. Just get a dog!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yeah he suppossed to be a boyfriend and has explanation for where hes been his family say hes nt like that but his faamily are gona say that arnt they its making me ill he says he loves me everyday but ive never felt less loved and he blames me for being paranoid and the relationship is a joke i feel its his house and i have nowhere else to go so i think he just pitys me but why do i keep picking wrong men ??x

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (22 September 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntWhy bother "waiting" for "proof".... when the real "question" is that this is no "relationship"... at all.... just YOU walking on eggshells.... and HIM doing whatever he darn well pleases..... regardless how much it tears you up, inside.....

Wake up!!!! .... and go somewhere else and start (continue) a life without this guy.... or any other guy who doesn't treat you like a Princess....

WHY, oh, WHY do you girls do this to yourselves?????

Good luck...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2014):

Is this guy your boyfriend? Don't be so naive. If he's constantly on the phone and goes out without accounting for his time, he's seeing someone. He needs a place to live, so he's not going to admit he's seeing anyone.

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