A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The problem I'm having could be easily summed up as "I want to move in together but he doesen't". I don't know, I love that guy, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I'm afraid he'll never feel ready for anything more than dating. We're together for a year, 2 hours apart so he ussually stays for a couple of days when he comes over. We were close friends for 5 years before we got together, so we know each other very well. I'm 26 and he's 23. He lives with his parents and a full-time student - getting his master's. He said it's not about me or the relationship, but he's having doubts about himself and if he'd be able to handle everything... I mean, I'd like to have kids and settle before I'm 30... and he's really the perfect man for me. But why does he have to be so young... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2015): The first things is that I never was looking for a family man. I was looking for a deeper connection than what is given by common goals. I got exactly that - a person with who I'm insanely compatible with as far as personality goes, who has very similar values, but who dosen't share my life goals at the moment.I was always honest with him about what I'm looking for, even before we started dating (family, few kids, also I'd like to be a foster parent - you need to be a married couple for that here), but also that I'm willing to give it a chance until he makes up his mind - he was telling me that while he dosen't feel ready for anything like that yet, it may change and it may change rather soon. But I'm getting worried that either that will not happen or that his "rather soon" translates as "too long" for me.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 June 2015):
 Or, why do you have to be so "old ":).
I mean, I think it makes perfect sense that moving in with a Gf , after one year of dating, and still in school full time and going for his master's degree , has no special appeal and is no priority for a 23 y.o.
I agree this does not have to reflect on his feelings for you ; you just want him to live like an husband when he is neither ready nor equipped nor eager to do that.
You want different things.
Will it always be like that ? Or will he change in time to fit with your life plan ?.
Who knows- maybe yes. 27 is not 23 , and by then he could have different priorities and aspirations than now, and he will have finished his education ,first of all, and hopefully not only started his career but be earning enough to live like a husband and father . And be eager to become one even if there's no rush for him.
But , obviously, there's not written guarantee ... he is being honest and not giving you one.
So, if you want a safe bet , he is not.
He may be a lovely Bf, but, he is not the perfect " fit " for you.
You do not look for an excellent skier if you want a guy to take along playing golf with you, right ?
So, you should not date a 23 y.o. student if what you reallu want deep down, and you want it NOW, today, is a family man .
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 June 2015):
 If you stick with him its not gonna happen before you are 30... It might never happen. Because hes telling you he doesnt want to, and he doesnt.know if he will change his mind. Maybe he needs to meet the right woman, and you are not the one for him. Often we want the things we can not have. He is NOT perfect for you, you do not want the same things. Realize this. You are in love with a dream of who he can be, and notinlove with the reality of who he is. If he was truly perfect for you, you would be glad to wait as you yourself didnt know if you could "handle" it...
Think about what you really want. And use yout head a bit as well, not just the heart. The right man for you will make sense to both head and heart.
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