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I'm a sophomore in college, and I've been having some trouble with my roommate this year

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Question - (4 November 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 5 November 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm a sophomore in college, and I've been having some trouble with my roommate this year in terms of having guys stay over. Unfortunately, this has also begun to cross some moral boundaries as well.

Upon several occasions this semester, I have entered my room only to find my roommate in bed with a guy - and by "in bed", I don't just mean "sleeping". As you can imagine, this makes it virtually impossible to get the books and such that I need for class (yes, sometimes this happens in the morning - I'll leave for a morning class and come back a short while later in between classes, only to stumble upon such a scenario). Other times, I'll come back into the room after a late night at the library, only to have to leave immediately and call a friend to ask if I can sleep over at their dorm instead. On some occasions, I have been warned by friends on my floor not to enter my room, but most of the time, I'm not so lucky. The first time it happened, she wrote me a note and apologized, but it's continued to happen since.

Later on, I learned that she in fact has a boyfriend who goes to school in another state. This is where the moral part comes in. It is hard enough to deal with being locked out of my own dorm on completely random nights, but it is even harder knowing that she is freely cheating on her boyfriend - with multiple guys, no less - and getting away with it. It's none of my business to get involved - and thus, I've kept quiet - but her selfishness and utter immaturity bothers me immensely on a personal level.

I don't want to interfere with her and her boyfriend's personal lives, but I hate watching helplessly as she completely betrays him. I've met him and I've heard their conversations, and it's clear that he knows nothing about it.

What can I do to deal with this? I understand that I'll probably have to cope with the moral part of it, but is there any way I can get her to stop bringing the random guys in, at least? Talking to her about it on multiple occasions hasn't done a thing, and I'm getting really frustrated.

View related questions: has a boyfriend, roommate

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (5 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntThis why I never lived in the dorms..because you get stuck with roommates like that. I find it better living with roommates I can hand pick.

Anyways, I'm assuming this dorm is coed..however, is there like a head person you can tell about this girl bringing over boys to bang all day long? You can talk to her, and set some rules..tell her you really can't study and you don't prefer to walk in and see her riding some guy. She needs to understand the basic roommate etiquette, and fuck these guys at their places. However, you don't seem like the confrontational type, otherwise you would have already done this. Or you have and she is more concerned about getting it on with a different guy every week. It's too late in the semester to switch roommates, so I'd stick out, go to the library to study, or crash at your friend's place. till Fall Break then apply for a different roommate if that's possible, I wouldn't hesitate to tell them your reasons either. As for her boyfriend, you know that's not your place to get involved, he'll soon find out. However, he maybe one of those naive guys who think you can still maintain a LDR when you're away at a different school.

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