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I'm a shy, quiet person and wonder what volunteer or other opportunities I should explore?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 April 2014) 12 Answers - (Newest, 30 April 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am on Jobseeker's Allowance, which are benefits that we have here in the UK. I get these benefits from the jobcentre. I have been told my advisor at the jobcentre that I have to do some voluntary work soon. She said that I can choose where to work. I'm not sure what to do. I have a friend who volunteers in a hospice and a charity shop. I thought it would be a good idea to work with him. I haven't worked for a long time, so I am very nervous. I think it might help my confidence if I am working with a friend, and also, the people there might be able to give me a good reference. The only thing is, I would need to get a bus to the train station (which is a 15 minute ride ), and then get the train (which is also a 15 minute ride ). The shop is near the train station, but I'm not sure where the hospice is. I might only need to volunteer one day a week, so it shouldn't cost too much.

I'm a very shy , quiet person, so I don't want to work somewhere where I would feel uncomfortable. I'm finding it difficult to decide whether to work more locally. I had thought of being a Befriender too, which is where I would go on outings with people with learning disabilities, such as to the cinema, bowling, shopping, but I'm not sure if you need to be more confident to do that?. Does anyone have any suggestions?.

View related questions: confidence, shy

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntMy reply has come out mixed up so probably reads wrong!

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A male reader, Mark1978 United Kingdom +, writes (30 April 2014):

Mark1978 agony auntAs someone who lives in the UK, works as a volunteer and used to work at a Jobcentre I can clarify a few points for those unfamiliar with Job Seekers Allowance...

Job Seekers Allowance (JSA) is a financial benefit paid to people who are unemployed. The government has implemented various initiatives to A: prevent people claiming money and not actively seeking work and B: to help people back into jobs. One of the conditions of claiming JSA is that long term unemployed people must undertake voluntary work in return for the financial benefit.

I don't think working with people with learning difficulties is something that's right for you. As a volunteer you have certain responsibilities and various checks have to be carried out before you can work with vulnerable people. Think about the work you did before and what you are applying for now. That should give you an idea of what you should be volunteering for. The purpose is to get you back into work. So if you spent 6 years as an administrator then Admin work is where you should ideally be aiming for.

Look for voluntary work that will enhance your CV, your skills and your confidence. Taking people to the cinema or bowling is less likely to look good on a CV than spending two days a week doing, say, admin or book keeping or answering a telephone.

Best of luck to you!

OP undertaking voluntary work is ideal for you as you cant keep using shyness and lack of confidence as an excuse not to have a job. You need to bite the bullet and get yourself out there. I work as a volunteer 2 days a week doing admin for a charity organisation. At weekends I also volunteer as a photographer photographing gigs. (obviously photography skills are required for this type of work) I feel two days per week is a good compromise between making an effort and not wanting to do too much as im not paid to do it.

Volunteer are expected to be professional, courteous, polite, respectful and work reasonably hard. Of course you should not be stressed or overloaded as you are not paid BUT some people make the mistake of thinking that because they are not paid they can come and go to please themselves or just spend the time dossing.

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A female reader, Love_is_all_youu_need United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2014):

Love_is_all_youu_need agony auntI do Befriending and I'm a fairly quiet person too. I really enjoy it and feel that i'm really making a difference to my friend's life.

Likewise with any new job opportunity, it is going to be anxiety-provoking to begin with. But sometimes in life we have to face up to our anxieties and step into the 'unknown'. It isn't always as bad as you think it will be, and if it's something you're interested in then you're probably going to enjoy it. Also, trying out new things can do wonders for our confidence!

Have faith and don't let fear hold you back from anything you wish to achieve :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014):

When you say "I might only have to volunteer one day a week" - this really reads as if you are doing the absolute minimum that you can in order to keep receiving benefits and, even then, are only doing this because someone is effectively forcing you to.

If your shyness is so bad that it is the tip of an iceberg - ie. mental health problems, then that's one thing and you need to go to the doctor about it.

But the other reader is right, I think - I know all to well that the job market out there is awful and it's not easy for anyone to get a new job. BUT your attitude does seem a little 'suspect' in the sense that you seem to really not have any sense that other people are paying for your benefits and are quite prepared to take things as easily as you can. Maybe it is just the way your post is written - I'm sure that, given the choice, you'd rather be working and earning more money than receiving the pittance that you are getting on the dole. But I do think it's worth you figuring out how much your shyness is bad attitude on your part and/or how much of it could be part of a larger mental health disorder - either way, it's holding you back and what's odd - or at least reads as odd - is that you don't seem all that bothered about it and just want the easiest ride possible - maybe you have other reasons like long-term illness, but if so then it would help if you'd stated this in your original post, so that we can take this into account when trying to help

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (24 April 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt I am not an UK citizen or resident, so maybe I am saying something incorrect or stupid, but, just by the sound of it, JobSeeker allowance aren't some sort of unemployement benefits , that the State gives you in order to carry you through until you find gainful employement ?.

Then, pardon me, but wouldn't you be supposed to seek GAINFUL employement, so that you can support yourself and THEN, if you want, do volunteer work on your own dime and not the taxpayers' ?

It sounds like you are supposed to volunteer in order to keep receiving the benefits , which is of course still better than paying you for sitting at home idly. But, is it fair to your connationals, and is it productive and empowering for yourself, to postpone indefinitely, "working the system ", the moment to join agan the workforce for real ?..

I am saying this because ( maybe I am wrong ) it sounds like you plan to keep toying with once a week volunteer work , until the blessed day you turn from shy and insecure to self confident and self assured, and too bad if it should take a year or two or who knows how much.

Pardon me, but as a citizen of a country with social and welfare structures similar to yours, and where , lo and behold, we pay about 45% of our income also to support these structures, the idea makes me CRINGE. I am very happy to contribute so that MY money goes to underprivileged categories and people in need ( sick, disabled, mentally incapacitated, etc. )... but for giving SHY people a makeover personality, heck no, that's not fair.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014):

If you're receiving job seekers allowance then you should be actively looking for a job? There's plenty of jobs with adults with disabilities you could be paid to do, rather than a few hours of volunteering in irder to receive benefits. Look at local care agencies or charities that employ support workers.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2014):

I used to be in your position, like most others and ended up doing voluntary work in a charity shop. I also used to be quite socially anxious (although better than what I had been before) and ya know I found the people so kind, welcoming, I mean it is a charity. I ended up still volunteering even a year later on the odd day, because I loved my managers! Lol... It was somewhere I would go when I was having a bit of an episode, felt good to be somewhere I liked where I didn't have so much time to sit n think!!

That's a problem with unemeployment, it's a big cause of the blues cos you get into bad habits n become demotivated...

A befriender sounds wonderful! You don't have to be social wizard lol, just very kind, patient n open minded... I can imagine that being a job you would end up being excited to go to every day... Maybe I'll try it!

What career have you/ are you/ do you want to pursue? It's proven that an excellent way to gain employment is to volunteer with a company in a sector you want I.e. If you want to be an accountant, write to an accountancy firm and volunteer your services. Some companies can take advantage, but remember you're not obliged to do anything you don't want to...

If you want to work with children, try writing to a children's charity maybe... They do all sorts of kids daytime things, n always need help.

A useful link is doit.org. Also there's a volunteering link on direct gov.uk

What I found easy to get into, after being unemployed for a long time? Pub work... Start off part time, so you don't overwhelm yourself ( it can be a stressful Job), I didn't even have any experience... It's probably not a career but can be a good stop gap to save some money for a course or something... You're still young and there's time to follow whatever path you want.

Don't be hard on yourself. It's a depressing time and you're one of millions. You can def improve your social skills volunteering, as you meet a lot of like minded people, of different ages and from diff backgrounds.

Take care and good luck :) x

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (22 April 2014):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntOP, I'm glad you're making plans re voluntary work even though it's not in your comfort zone. I say this for two reasons 1) your life is being restricted by your shyness and anxiety, and getting out there should really help you, and 2) the government is getting more strict about JSA - you might face significant cuts to your benefits or lose them all together if you are not serious about finding paid employment.

I know it must seem daunting but you're doing well in taking the first steps. If you do ever find it too overwhelming in terms of anxiety levels, do go and see your GP who might be able to refer you for some short term, goal based therapy (CBT) to help you with coping.

All the best!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014):

That's a good idea, thanks!. I think it would help my confidence if I work with my friend first. I think I am allowed to change the voluntary work I am doing if I want to, so even if I change my mind about working with my friend, I could do something else. I might even be able to do one day a week each at two different places.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014):

OP, are you on benefits because of disability or are you struggling to find a job?

If you are on benefits because you are struggling to find a job then you need to do something- anything - to keep your skills current so that you'll be able to use your volunteering experiences to demonstrate your achievements and skills when you get job interviews.

Your priority therefore should be to do as much volunteering as possible.

Millions of people wake up every morning and go to work despite being shy or not being very confident. OP, you don't have the luxury to choose. You are recieving a lot of help to help you find your feet, but you need to pull your weight here OP.

Are you really worried about a half an hour journey each way? OP, I spend 2 hours of my day on a train each day to get to work and back. This is the reality of many people because you simply do everything in your power to support yourself. Your journey to supporting yourself starts from this volunteering; if not in the charity shop, then as a Befriender, if not that then something else.

Your approach to the volunteering is that of someone being inconvenienced OP. Own your future and recognise that you have to leave your comfort zone in order to flourish. When you stay in your comfort zone and don't look after yourself, someone else picks up the tab. And that's just not fair.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014):

Hi

Like honeypie said, why not try the shop with your friend first?

If you decide that's not for you, there are so many other opportunities out there!

I myself was on job seekers allowance and had to do voluntary work, I chose a dog groomers, dsimply because I love dogs! 7 years later I have my own mobile grooming business!

Think of things you like to do and find out if you can get a placement for voluntary work somewhere that you REALLY want to be!

Hope this helps. And good luck :)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 April 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI would try the shop with your friend first. Get your "feet wet" so to speak. See how it goes. Who knows you might discover that you LOVE being around people.

Once you feel comfortable with that job, then why not try something new?

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