A
male
age
26-29,
TG
writes:Hi, I am a 28 year old male from the UK.I have a major personal dilemma: I am still a virgin- at my age! This is literally driving me insane. It is affecting me psychologically. I feel that there is a part of my life that is missing. I can not talk to anyone about my problem. I have spoken to my doctor, but she treats me like some kind of sex-obsessed pervert! Nobody seems to be understanding of my problem. An 'understanding' friend of mine suggests that I see a prostitute, but I am not that kind of person. After all, where is the respect in that? I want to meet a nice girl and take things at an easy pace and see if it develops into a relationship. I want a girlfriend- not a piece of meat to satisfy my own sexual needs. Believe me, if I had no hang-ups about prostitution, I would have seen a prostitute a long time ago. I am not looking for a girl for the sake of losing my virginity- I want a meaningful sexual relationship and companionship. I feel like I am the only man in my position, though I am sure that there are others out there in my situation. But, we are in the minority! I am still at University, where most of the girls are in their very early 20's. Am I 'too old' for them as a potential girlfriend? I personally do'nt think I am 'too old'. I lack the crucial life experience that many other men of my age (late 20's) have. Whereas many other men my age are ready to settle down, I do not feel this way (I still feel young and I have no compulsion to settle down yet). After all, I have had no sexual experience whatsoever and no experience with relationships/girlfriends. I have hardly lived a life. I am a 28 year old virgin. Please help....I need a solution.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): There are lots of happy endings. My husband's college roommate was a 33 year old no-kiss virgin, too shy and proud to get set up on blind dates, always chasing after uninterested women. He decided to travel the world for a few years, did a lot of the things he'd always wanted to do in life, and when he got back he suddenly met a wonderful girl. They're married now and have a baby! We're so happy for him...Don't lose hope, guys! There are oodles of attractive single women dying to meet you (in Manhattan at least)... where have you been hiding all this time? Don't let your lack of sexual experience embarrass you-- it actually makes you more attractive (especially to women who do have some experience.) Make friends with a bunch of women, and enlist their help in finding dates-- if you're good material, your friends will not rest until they have found you a good date.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008): I'm so glad to see there are others out there. I just turned 28 and I am a "super virgin." That's right i've never been kissed. I don't really know how it happened but it's not due to religious affiliation or waiting for "mr. right." I was overweight in high school and most of college which I blame. I've only told a few friends my secret but i think people are suspicious. The worst part is I am a very happy, free spirited person and am not devestated about this. I am more embarrassed but I think i've saved myself a lot of heartache. Sometimes I think i'm happier than my friends who are in relationships or sleep around. I do avoid calling guys or getting to close to any of my guy friends because i wouldn't know how to breach the subject. How do you tell someone you're 28 and never been kiss? please help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Firstly 27, 28 you're not old!!! plenty of young girls like older men, cos they're more like men and act less like idiotic boys! 2ndly, it's not a crucial life experiance, it's just what everyone says, and plenty of people go through life without ever having sex and they're absolutely healthy and fine, sorry I know this isn't the solution you want, but it is a solution. 3rdly who knows what will happen next? stop worrying! you can waste alot of your life by worrying, besides worrying won't help you have sex, you might get erectile disfunction (this is a medical state!) Just go with the flow, you might meet someone nice and get married and all the rest of it, but you might not, what's wrong with being a bachelor all your life anyhow? the wrong girl can end up really bad so don't force it. Sorry about lecturing, hope you find useful consolation, and best of luck for the future!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Im 27 and a complete virgin in every way, never had a girlfriend, never kissed, never even been on a date, no i'm not gay, but I do belive in loving only one person and want to find the right girl only problem is you concentrate on education, then your degree and then first job, try and get sortted with the usuals house, car, starting your own business etc. before you know if you hit 27 with V-Plates in every direction, i'm not unconfident, fat, ugly, not have friends or boring for god sake I can fly a plane what a first date that could be a romantic flight and dinner in another country!! Only thing is its the age old problem where do you find a nice wife who will love you as much as you want to love them but without getting it wrong 10 or a 100 times first. I should just take a risk but i'm to much of a one girl romantic at heart, only danger is that you wait too long anyway if thier are any total virgins who fancy the ultimate movie style first date and happily ever after - hope one day we meet before we are old and crinkly
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): i am not so reliefed until I read your post and the others. I'm too a 27 year old virgin and it's really becoming an issue on me, as it's harder for me to meet the right person as i got older and I HATE casual dating either!
part of the reason is that when I was 18, i had a huge crush on some girl from my highschool and i thoguht she was "the one", and I've waited and waited for all these years by rejecting lots of other girls who showed affection to me. noentheless, until last year, i found myself being engulfed in my own fantasy and the truth is that the girl I've been waited wasn't even interested in me at all!
that's true, it's great if u can find the Mrs right, but what if such a person never show up? that's the biggest dillema i currently encournter...
i still disaprove casual sexual encoutners with someone who u don't love, and people thought that i'm a pervert even someone started to doubt my sexual orientation, heck!
I think it's pretty tough to live being an "old" virgin nowadays. people generally don't have much moral left.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (18 May 2008):
 I am wondering if it is love, rather than sex you are looking for.
Don't worry about it, we all have different life experiences.
Leave it for a nice girlfriend, not a prostitute.
It will be fine.
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A
male
reader, macmichael +, writes (18 May 2008):
when you are bad with women the longer you are bad with them the worse and harder it is to be good with women, and also the more important it is to be good with them. its a visious circle, im guessing you dont have any friends who are good with women, but if you do, just copy what they do.
just buy a prostitute i did at 27 and although i stell feel depresively loanly i still feel a lot better, the emphasis women put on men for men to be able to pull and get women is so high that your inexperience will show through and you wownt get any girs,
but if you get a prosie and start getting quite a few then you can start to get experience with women and this shows through and hey presto they think your good and experienced and you will get a nice girl.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Hey Man... I understand how it feels to be isolated by this. I'm 27, almost 28. I too am in university, having actually returned after a few years out. I am in medicine, and sometimes I look around the lecture hall and think that I'm the only one. I wonder if they know. It makes me self conscious. My classmates are younger and very promisuous. It kinda turns me off to hear the way they treat it. It seems so cheap. I have been waiting for the one... And hoping she's been waiting for me, but as it is starting to affect my consciousness more and more I am debating the wisdom there.
Is she really out there? I don't know. I just left a good girl because I couldn't deal with her not being on the same page as me, so to speak.
If she's out there and really waiting, it will be worth it for sure. But I am getting further and further out on this limb, and wondering if it's even feasible... that's what made me do this google search. How do you find a like minded woman, without actually advertising what seems to be an embarassing trait? I don't know.
Good luck man. All I can say is hang in there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): I am 29 and still a virgin. I can feel your pain. I too feel like I am very inexperienced with the opposite sex. My idea of how to approach guys feels very immature. As you get older things just get harder with work and other things in the way. Before you know it your 30 and still alone. I've been trying that whole speed dating thing. You don't have much time to feel self conscience about yourself when you have less that 5 min to date someone. Perhaps that can help you.
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female
reader, cuteblonde124  +, writes (9 April 2008):
To tell you the truth a lot of girls like the innocent cute guys, and just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you're not good. Also that means you won't be so judgemental - a number one fear girls have is a guy judging her in a bad way. They will apriciate that.
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A
male
reader, teenagewasteland  +, writes (8 April 2008):
I am 23 years old and I have never had sex.I feel it is a part of my life that is incomplete and it is only my dreams and those escapades of days untold that I truly see and feel and experience.I've been with a few girls but never quite...I don't know if what I have is a mental illness but I feel if I don't quite get rid of my problem, it will affect me in ways unknown. I know just like most things, once you do it, you think, Oh so that's it, yeah...but then white can also be a lonely colour sometimes.
If I could suggest something for people seeking companionship, I'd say the answer is to find yourself and that's not something a book would do. If asked how I truly found myself, I wouldn't know how to put it. I often lie about how I had sex a few months back and I never lie but this lie really strikes home a bad bad kick. As a result of this, I avoid pornography. I'm not alone and there is a girl for me. She is waiting. In 100 days from now, things will be different. I'm waiting too.
When I read all your columns, I thought I'd write a lot, write a lot of sense but I'm just touched and humbled. Thankyou for reading.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): I am actually really glad you posted this question. I'm 25 and still hold my V-card as my friends and I call it. But like you it isn't necessarily by choice, but it is an issue that causes me great distress.
I don't know what has caused me to hold onto my virginity for so long, I'm not religious or anything like that. I think early on it was due to my lack of self-esteem and idealistic views on love. Then as the years went on it only got worse, and more embarrassing to admit. Now I'm at a point where I try and avoid getting close to anyone for fear of having to reveal to them that I am a virgin. I can't seem to get over feeling embarrassed by my virginity instead of embracing it, and that hasn't helped my esteem issues any.
Now that I'm out of school I feel like I've also become more and more reclusive, which only makes me feel like my chances for losing my virginity are drifting further and further away. It also doesn't help that I also live in a college town and constantly hear about the promiscuity of others. If not just from my roommate, who happens to be my younger sister, who is not a virgin. That as you can imagine only makes me feel even worse about my situation and out of place.
I must admit that am happy to read your story, and those of people who have replied because they let me know that I'm not out here alone...
As for your story, I would say hold onto hope... Go out more if you can find the places. My friend who was only up until recently a virgin as well, had an amazing chain of life changing events happen to her in a short span of 2 months. So you never know. The girl for you could be right around the corner.. and no I don't necessarily mean at a corner. :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Hi. I'm 29, and decided to end my virginity by going to an escort:
Why?
1.- I'm not religious.
2.- I have ADD (attention deficit disorder), which doesn't allow me to pay attention to a lot of thing at the same time, and it is very difficult to find intimacy in myself even if I dream with it.
3.- I do look for love now, not for sex, hell I don't even care if my prospective GF is ugly, I just want to learn how to share my feelings, without getting nervous, or act as an insecure guy.
4.- But sex is always on my head and body (it is normal for everyone), so besides the anxiety for being in love, I have anxiety for not knowing what to do, so my plan is: Have enough money for 2 or 3 escort sessions with "girlfriend experience" (kissing and chatting) included. I guess I'll feel comfortable after them, or at least I won't have the same degree of fear as now.
5.- After that I'll focus in socializing and intimacy, I have to learn many things on the road so I don't plan to get a GF asap, it will take time to know me better, to like me more (I'm not ugly). But I'll force myself to do it.
6.- I know women will think I'm a loser, I don't blame them. But I'm not a bad guy, it just that my anxieties are killing me, so I have to combine my therapy with real life experience. My therapist suggested a sexual surrogate, a person that is really interested in helping you with your sexual and intimacy issues, but they are far too expensive and takes many, many sessions. I'm also very far away from them, and I have little money.
7.- So, I want to concentrate in love, friendship, intimacy, but I have mental issues just because of relationships, besides that I do sports have friends, that are constantly putting pressure on my asking me when the hell I'll find out a GF, or if I'm gay, which I'm 100% sure not.
8.- My problem was a lack of intimacy at home (both parents worked the whole day), and being in a catholic school and university for all my life. But I don't blame them, at this point I'm old enough to take charge of my life and to take the decisions that will change my life. I'm not even religious anymore. People who are religious have pro's and cons, the pro is that, god is with them and they can find happiness in god, the bad part is that they can stay like that for decades and when the moment of procreation arrives, they'll have problems with having orgasms or even with parenting, cause in order top have an healthy relation you need to know what to do and to be sure about it, they don't teach you in the school how to have sex and how to be a good partner, and you learn that by experience, at lest the vast majority of people and psychologist will tell you that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I'm from the UK too. I'm in my 40's and until last week, a virgin too. I am not particularly religious, but I suppose when I was younger I didn't want the relationship thing, because there were other things in life I wanted more. The funny thing is, all that time went by and it never affected me psychologically at all. Then, out of the blue, six months ago, bang! - it really hit home what I was. No one else knew or does know. I get along fine with everyone - except I had this terrible secret. I thought about it long and hard and read many message boards like this one. I finally decided that 'waiting for the right person' is a joke - the truth is they may never come. In this life, you either do things or you don't. It's that easy. There is no special rules or formulas. A few years ago, waiting for the right person possibly just about made sense if that's what you want. However, there comes a point when denying yourself things only does you harm - no one else. So, I went to a escort and the truth is, it was the best thing I could have done. She was great - I now have confidence where there was absolutely none before. Psychologically, I don't feel ashamed at all - it has helped me tremendously. One day soon I will find someone, and I'm not going to feel embarrassed - and to hell with all this being truthful rubbish. I'm not a virgin anymore full stop. I don't need to tell anyone how I came to not be one. Do you think everyone else is truthful to a fault? Yeah, right. If you really want rid of this horrible curse - and that is what it can become for some people, though not everyone, then see an escort, preferably not someone off the street. Losing my virginity was, for me, a lovely experience - no regrets at all. Some people are in relationships and the first time is still not great. If it is affecting you like you say - don't wait. There is no point.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): i am a 27 y/o virgin male from america. yr right it sucks and i had the opportunity to "make stains" with more friends who were girls then girlfriends. but i always thought it more along the lines of lust, a temporary escape = not true love. though i am spiritual i wouldn't exactly call myself religious. i just keep thinking on giving one woman a gift that very few men in this age can, i think on having a child and realizing that this girl/boy is some prototype for the future. i just have this gut feeling that one day i will see she and she i and thats it. being shy in college made me realize that i have past one up that i felt was it, now (at least i hope) i will realize that you have to go after what you know is true, for not taking the chance can be bigger than being denied... good luck all yr not alone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Hi, I'm also from the UK and also a virgin at the age of 29. I do have a couple of mates my age who are still virgins too, but really we don't talk about it. I have other mates my age who are certainly not virgins. Then I also have mates my age who aren't virgins, but have not had any sex for many years (since university for example).I am not an ugly guy (I have "pulled" good looking girls in clubs and bars and I know girls actually think I'm handsome). I know full well that my problem stems from my attitude and my priorities in life. I had the opportunity to lose my virginity when I was 19/20 with a pretty attractive 17/18 year old girl who I had dated and who had fancied the absolute pants off me for 3 years straight (and everybody knew it). We were in bed, we had got to the fumbling and oral sex stage, then i simply lost all desire to go any further. I felt uncomfortable as hell with the whole situation and basically just left the room. I'm sure I upset the girl a lot (though we are still friends to this day). I simply can't explain why I did that, it bugs me to this day and a big part of me regrets the decision. I really haven't had any romantic encounters with a girl since. Oh, and I am definitely NOT gay.I don't know what the answer is for me, but I don't get too hung up on it. Maybe something will just happen one day, I've always thought that maybe I'm supposed to meet somebody when I'm older rather than younger.Keep your chin up, don't stress, you aren't alone and you never will be.cheers
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Hi TG, I don't know whether you're still in the same predicament or not, but I know more or less exactly what your going through. I'm 27 soon and I'm still a virgin! and no, I'm not a religious nut! and I don't resemble Quasimodo. I've never actually had any kind of relationship with a woman, not even a kiss! I put my own problems mostly down to having a bad self-image and low self-confidence. It was particularly bad in my teenage years where I gradually withdrew into my own little world and hardly socialised at all. Consequently I find it very difficult to talk to women and it doesn't help being painfully shy. This affliction/condition whatever you call it, really has screwed up all parts of my life. Now it's easy for some people to say 'oh you shouldn't let it' but if it's the one thing you most desire(and I'm talking about a relationship with another girl not just the sex!) then it's very difficult. The best explanation I've found on the net was a term called 'Love-Shyness' look it up it may help, and remember you're definitely not alone!
If you want to e-mail me leave me your e-mail address and I'll get back to you.
Take care.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Don't worry about it, there are a lot of folks in their late 20's and so on who are virgins or just chose not to really make sex something they couldn't live without. And I do mean a lot because just by being nosey here on these sites I've come across a lot of them, but also I know some people who will screw anything with two legs and others who prefer to live life fully and not just through sexual encounters. I've come across a lot of people who were like me where they chose to wait for relations just for the sake of it, to be different and because they had other plans or responsibilities in life first(in my case too much responsibility starting from my teens until my 20's, but again I chose to wait untill whenever anyway). Another thing to realize is that a lot of people do lie about their sex lives or that they've had sex at all, I knew of a few.
In my own case trust me when I say I've had a lot of women throw themselves at me, but it was just never a big deal to me and now that I'm doing the relations thing it's just normal, since I chose it this way. The millions of compliments are cool and all, but they don't really sway me one way or the other, since I don't let compliments get to my head at all. If you have low self esteem then the thing to do is find a way to gain some confidence, just do not act over-confident, I've seen plenty of fine as hell women walk away from countless men because of that, makes me laugh. In the case of women it's difficult to say since I'm male and although I'm not one of those jerks I do know that some guys are willing to say anything to get in your pants, so be confident, just be carefull who you let into your 'space'. At the same time some women will just pay attention to you if something strikes them whether it be the looks, your being well dressed, smelling nice, being built, deep voice, being tall or some other thing, because I've had women come onto me for all of those reasons or for reasons I have no clue of, since I usually get attention regardless of what I do or whether I want it or not. Or vise versa for women if he is a good man and not a jerk. Just be confident, self-assured, stay motivated and keep in mind that you really never know what a person may end up being attracted to you for, it's just a matter of presenting yourself how you want to and the confidence thing, the rest just happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): Mate...I'm a 27yr old virgin male and Im not ugly or rancid looking so I totally get where you're coming from. The trouble with my life is that it seems to be more circumstantial that nothing's happened between me and a woman. It gets me down at times too, because I keeping thinking - how am I going to meet someone? when, where...
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reader, foxtrot +, writes (3 December 2007):
Reply to TGI'm a 66 year old man with Asperger's syndrome. I had never heard of it until I was 57, but it has wrecked my social life completely.I have only had one relationship in my life, which was when I was 30, and that only lasted three months.When I was 24 I was still a virgin. An older colleague at work sensed this and tried to help. He had been in the RAF and had a young and beautiful wife and a great personality. I saw him as an ideal role model.At first we went to a few parties and social events, but I was like a fish out of water when it came to meeting new people.Realising I was a hard case, his wife suggested that I should go to a brothel. I did the next time I was on holiday in France, and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. I have never looked back!Often there is quite an affinity between people with Asperger's syndrome and the prostitutes they visit, because the each fulfils the other's needs, and both are outside the normal dating/relationship scenario.And yes, they're both in a minority, but so what?If you write to an agony aunt, as I have, they will tell you to expand your circle of friends by joining sports clubs, language classes, pottery classes, etcetera. I've tried all that but it it was no help at all when it came to dating. An agony aunt will NEVER tell anyone to go to a brothel.So, TG, I think you're going to have to loosen up a bit and shed a few of your strict moral values unless you want to remain a virgin. Sex is supposed to be fun, not a burden! Your 'understanding' friend was like mine - right!If you decide against that, you might eventually succeed in forming the sort of full-on relationship you say you want, but I couldn't guess how old you'll be by then.
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female
reader, gettnstartd  +, writes (17 November 2007):
hey there....i too am a virgin...and at 26 i think about losing "it" to any random tom, dick or harry....before i wasnt worried bout it, but now i see other gurls from my high school year gettn married and having kids and i cant even get a boyfriend??!?! I guess im a late starter to the game, an only now am i gettin REALLY interested in guys...its not that i was gay or anything...its just that I was never that into guys during high school or thereafter....until now...Ive had guys approach me particularly in the clubbin scene...but u know they were usually after one thing....judged by how close they danced to you....but yea, after reading all the comments i'll have to agree about the 'socialize more' part...as an ex-wallflower (a work in progress)....i think i will definitely take up the opportunities given to me weneva im invited to meet other potentials or hopefuls (fingers r still crossed)...maybe you will too...:)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007): Hi i think the guy who suggested the behaviol thing is gooding, dont take notice of any woman (and some men) when they say someone will come,justn hang in there because the sad fact that i (27yr old virgin) and im sure you are well aware of is simply if you are bad with women you wownt get. Its not nice but you have to get confidence if you want a girl and being shy just wownt do if it did and being nice worked why are all those people find it so hard to get women.
Its not nice and dont expect miracles when you try talking to women (some will be very rude, especially if obviously underconfident) also try not to appear too desperate because women hate that! your gonna have to get confident.
its true most women (if honest) donbt like a guy who is late in viginity, even my poor mum had to admit this.
I think unless you are prepared to be loanly or just wait for a girl to be tired of sleepin arround (and even then you prob wownt keep her when she realizes low self esteem.
You have to get more confident lets face it look at all the confident guys who fall in love then look at all the underconfident guys like you and i who have had none EVER EVER its sad but true.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): I am a 27 year old virgin (girl) and I understand your feelings about missing out on a part of life. I am a born again christian and am a virgin by choice, believing sex is for marriage only. But sometimes I do feel the biological clock ticking, and think about what I am missing, etc. The best advice I can give is make yourself available...like go to parties, church if you are spiritual, get out a lot and that may improve your chances of meeting that special girl.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): Dude, my girlfriend lost her virginity at 27, and yes I was the one who was "granted" that opportunity. I will tell you this, she too was VERY hung up on morals, values, and "doing the right thing". But the biggest issue she is learning to work with is learing how to make up her own mind about what is right and wrong, and stop being so JUDGEMENTAL. My guess is you came from a stong religious background, and probably think that God, and others are judging your every move, which leads to how much you irrationally judge yourself. Life, more than anything, is about learning, and you learn by doing, experiencing. You have been given a great gift...life. LIVE IT! Taste the fruits here, then make your own decisions. You can have sex with someone, and still find the love of your life. Believe me, when you find her, you will be moved like never before when you two have sex/make love. I've been with many women in my time, and nothing compares to what I experience on a physical and emotional level with my current girlfriend, soon to be fiance and wife. Relax, stop judging yourself and the world. Make a few friends, have some fun, experience the natural things life has to offer. My belief is that we will be judged not by how timidly we followed what others said was right, but how brave we were in finding out for ourselves. Good luck my friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): I think you're thinking about it too much. Consequently, you're probably going to try too hard to get a girlfriend. Women don't really like this sort of behavior as it seems desperate. Just take it easy and just don't think of losing your virginity down the road when you're talking to woman. Just let things flow and just focus on interesting conversation (their is chemistry involved), and most importantly...be yourself. You'll notice that things will sort of fall into place on their own.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): Hi there I kind of understand your situation am a 29 year old virgin but girl, it seems hard to find a right guy to go out with since most people our age are expecting a more intimate relationship and that is something I can´t offer from a start, sometimes I think boys who go out with me are just curious about me beeing a virgin and I feel somekind of pressure against me to have sex and somehow I got cought in this circle and at the time am planing to brake up with my boyfriend because of this Idon´t feel so sure about him anymore he has chanded his way of beeing since he found out I was still a virgin, so I kind of understand what you are feeling, what can I say just find a real girl who really loves you and specially someoneone you can talk openly about it , if she really loves she will understand and guide you and little by little you will learn together how to satisfy each other
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reader, TG +, writes (17 September 2007):
TG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReply to xAngeliquex; Are you sure that girls would want to be with a 28 year old virgin, who has no sexual experience? According to everyone I know, girls prefer guys with experience between the sheets! How on earth can I tell a girl that I am a virgin at my age? She''ll burst out in laughter. Word will soon get around that I am still a virgin and I'll be the local laughing stock. I hope I am wrong, but the only type of girls who like male virgins are those with a strong religious background and countryside girls with a traditional outlook on life.....not modern,city girls! If I was 18 or 20 even, it would not be so bad, since many girls of the age of 18-20 have little or no sexual experience (correct me if I am wrong).
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reader, TG +, writes (17 September 2007):
TG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your replies. Any more advice would be greatly appreciated. Should I see my GP and ask her to refer me to a psychosexual therapist who could explore the reasons why I am in my situation? What can I do yo change my situation?
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female
reader, misscandy +, writes (16 September 2007):
There is sex on 3 levels..
First(BODY) when people shag: which is just for the gratification of physical pleasure. People chat, meet and shag without much love involved.
Second (MIND) when people make love with someone whom they love. Which is better than any shag.
Third (BODY, MIND & SOUL): This is love making, with someone whom your are in love with, the right person. There is an explosion when you make love. When you look into your lover's eye and it melts you. It satisfies your body, touches your heart and caresses your soul. There is no other feelings like this..it is the greatest. :)
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reader, TG +, writes (16 September 2007):
TG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy reply to 'anonymous': Yes, sex between two partners in a relationship is fun; there's nothing wrong with that. But, I find casual sex (a 'shag') distasteful, immoral and perverted. You say that sex is a deep form of communication. Between partners in a relationship, yes I'd agree.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): Sex is a deep form of communication, you don't just have to have a long philosophical conversation with someone, you can also have a quick chat. If sex is a celebration of life, then its all most wrong not to have the odd "quick shag". Sex is supposed to be fun as well.
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reader, TG +, writes (16 September 2007):
TG is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for your replies.In fact, I am not a 28 year old virgin by choice, its just that I am shy and nervous around attractive girls. I do'nt know how to speak to them or how to initiate a conversation. Im not dumb or ugly, either. In fact, I am nervous and self-conscious around groups of people- male or female. For this reason, I hardly ever go out on the town. I was wondering whether I have Asperger's syndrome, but I do'nt think so.Some time back, a group of women in the street literally asked me if I wanted to have sex (a 'shag') with them (they must have been desperate), but that's just wrong and I simply ignored them. My friends (and I have very few of them- I am not 'one of the lads', so-to-speak)can't understand why I turned them down, but I guess that their moral standards are much lower than mine. I am bewildered by the number of people these days who engage in casual sex (the UK slang term for this is 'having a shag')with complete strangers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007): Your not the only one experiencing problems coping with this, and to be honest there are so few people out there that truly understand what your going through, trust me at 31 I know how tough it is and how it effects every aspect of your life. I'm also finding out how little support there is out there for people in our situation, and it seems there are a lot more of us than you think.
The only advice I can give you that helped me is to tell your GP you would like to see a cognitive behavioral theorist, they will help you to start managing your feelings so you can get control back. Apart from that there's nothing I can say that you haven't been told a 1000 times before. Just hang in there dude, no matter what happens in life, you still never know who's waiting around the next corner.
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reader, misscandy +, writes (15 September 2007):
I think you're one hell of a jewel because you don't want to have sex for the sake of it. These days, people sleep around and 'making love' is very rare. I do understand your situation and the emotions you feel. Girls would love to be with a guy like you, since it is so rare to have anyone with such morals and values.
As a suggestion, Socialize more and meet more people to increase your chance of meeting someone you love. People loose their virginity with just anyone, you are lucky you have saved it for someone very special.
Hopefully you will find someone very special soon. Goodluck:)
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reader, xAngeliquex +, writes (15 September 2007):
 Awww hun..I understand why you must feel as if you're kinda missing out on things. Most people do lose their virginity around late teens-early 20's I'm guessing, but just because you haven't, doesn't make you weird or anything, so don't think it does. Can I ask, is there any reason that you've decided to wait this long?
There's nothing wrong with being a 28y.o virgin I'd say, as we're all individuals and a time when one feels they are ready may not be the case for the next person. Just aslong as the need for you to lose your virginity isn't being influenced by anyone else, for example, the media, friends, or anyone like that.
And plus, age is nothing but a number hun. My dad was 29 when he married my then 18 y.o mother, and they're still very much in love.
So just expand your horizons. Don't make sex your main goal in life, as losing your 'V' is over so quickly it's unreal!Just..concentrate on looking for mrs right. You want it to be memorable, so prostitutes wouldn't be the way to go, as you've already established. If you don't feel anyone is right for you at University, go out with friends on the town [how romantic], and meet girls. Make sure your confidence shines through, and be laid back aswell as that is attractive.
Don't feel that just because you haven't had sex yet, that no one will ever love you & you're gonna die alone because you know it isn't the case! You could meet her tomorrow, next week..who's to say?
Hope I helped a little.. x
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reader, Chris060690 +, writes (15 September 2007):
dude i know you are 28 dont feel old you are young still besides woman like older guys u should just try talk to some invite her on dates then if it comes out to be a ncie relationship it will be dont try TOO MUCHH!! because trying too much messes it up just act in a good way i would say and try be funny works for me not that funny and always give a sign that u like them or else theyre gonna take u as their best friend and will not be able to see you in other way same thing happened to one of my best friends he has never had a gf or never kissed before a girl and he is 18 so i am guiding him because i am all the opposite it seems hes getting it and now he is going on dates with this girl all u need its to not be scared!!
and believe me theres a girl for everyone!!
youre still young youve got time!!
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