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I'm a real life 28 year old virgin... and have hardly lived a life. I need a solution!

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 September 2007) 125 Answers - (Newest, 24 March 2013)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *G writes:

Hi, I am a 28 year old male from the UK.

I have a major personal dilemma: I am still a virgin- at my age! This is literally driving me insane. It is affecting me psychologically. I feel that there is a part of my life that is missing. I can not talk to anyone about my problem. I have spoken to my doctor, but she treats me like some kind of sex-obsessed pervert! Nobody seems to be understanding of my problem. An 'understanding' friend of mine suggests that I see a prostitute, but I am not that kind of person. After all, where is the respect in that? I want to meet a nice girl and take things at an easy pace and see if it develops into a relationship. I want a girlfriend- not a piece of meat to satisfy my own sexual needs. Believe me, if I had no hang-ups about prostitution, I would have seen a prostitute a long time ago. I am not looking for a girl for the sake of losing my virginity- I want a meaningful sexual relationship and companionship. I feel like I am the only man in my position, though I am sure that there are others out there in my situation. But, we are in the minority! I am still at University, where most of the girls are in their very early 20's. Am I 'too old' for them as a potential girlfriend? I personally do'nt think I am 'too old'. I lack the crucial life experience that many other men of my age (late 20's) have. Whereas many other men my age are ready to settle down, I do not feel this way (I still feel young and I have no compulsion to settle down yet). After all, I have had no sexual experience whatsoever and no experience with relationships/girlfriends. I have hardly lived a life. I am a 28 year old virgin. Please help....I need a solution.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013):

Dude I am in the same position. I've dating several woman but when it came to sex I felt guilty bcos I knew I wasn't going to marry them, so I bailed. LOL - this is the fricken story of my life, I feel like the biggest flippen loser when I count all the opportunities I missed. I dont like prostitutes I feel disgusted at the thought of sexing them. I feel I shud sex at least a couple of girls before I marry but I dont want to break any hearts. I'm so confused, its not even funny.

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A male reader, VinJackie India +, writes (22 March 2013):

Hi all.. I read through most of the answers here.. I'm quite delighted to know that there are good people out there who've their self - control and give importance to feelings rather than meaningless sex. I'm a 28year old male from India. A graduate holder. With an athletic build. But still girls don find me attractive as i'm quite smooth kinda person and I know that girls often find rough men attractive on bed. Even the best of my pals make fun of me telling that I would be single for the rest of my life..

when in college days I did try to get love, but I was left emptyhanded as I was ignored by the girl to whom I confessed. That did hurt me deeply. And the only two-way relationship I had was a two-month friendship with some stupid girl who also eventually turned out to be a big fat lying bi@tch. I was a kind of guy who used to respect women a lot. But with time, i've learnt that women of this gen don deserve d same. So why bother? Now i'm in a position where I give psychological advice to guys who're meaninglessly running behind girls. I hav developed a kind of "yuk" taste towards females. Best advice to you all friends, better stay the way you are. No love ends happily. Every movie showcases a boy n girl until marriage.. No movie has ever shown d problematic life that comes thereafter... So better stay single, stay strong, stay healthy.. Todays Girls don deserve us.. If @ all I end up in a relationship it must and should be with a virgin girl, not with anyone else. I expect the same kinda commitment from other side as well.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012):

I'm a 27 year old virgin. I'm sort of a weird situation. I did recieve oral sex from a prostitute during a time when I was in my "party" days, but I actually didn't even complete the deed, you could say, and quite frankly I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I had no emotional attachment to the girl. That was about 6 years ago. So I was 21. Kind of forgot the day!

Otherwise I have not had much luck in the sex department with women. I'm pretty sure I'm fairly attractive because I've had attractive girls who were friends (I was trying to make them my girlfriends too). I always had good grades and did good on standardized tests...I ended up turning to substances in part because I just didnt understand how getting girls worked.

I did read a book about dating several years ago and that gave me some hints, but I must have missed something and I felt like some of this "game playing" nonsense was phony. I was against reading it again and tried to be myself...

So here I am, 27. Sort of got close with one girl, but she wasnt exactly what I wanted and I screwed things up before even meeting her. I've been going on a few dating sites and thats where I met her.

Here are some other fun facts: a girl who I kind of had a fetish for treated me like a complete stalker and messed with my head, although to most guys I wouldnt imagine theyd think she was too hot. Meanwhile I was able to become friends (potential boyfriend?) with many attractive girls.

This is the quandary I have found myself in. It all seems backwards, girls I like ignore me, ones Im not into - even hot ones that I just am not into - they seem to like me!

Just when I was at my wits end and thought I might have even picked up on some things I was doing wrong, along came a chance Amazon.com Kindle book search. You know they have free kindle books on there? Good stuff. Search "dating". Ya.

"Moi!" should have been reading this stuff since the day I hit puberty! All reading for dating should be helpful Im thinking. Just keep an open mind and give it a shot.

See, I'm very confident, but then I sort of punk out on things. Need to be more assertive about asking for dates and stuff. Theres all kinds of things that can be learned about sex too, which you might want to brush up on before going in there.

Now all that being said, I still dont have a solid girlfriend or have had sex. However, the book I read confirmed what I had been thinking and clarified the whole thing for me.

So I went on the dating site to test it out and boom! Got a response from just about the prettiest girl on there! Now I just have to keep it up! Lol.

Ok, the book is called "Sex for F***ing Dummies". This is the real name. It explains that all of this stuff about STDs is unfounded. Especially w condoms theyre very hard to get. I actually came across some meds that my sister was taking for such a thing...that scared me off a little too when I was younger! She was dating a guy who turned out to be a criminal tho...so not a good example.

The real kicker is that some of us who might have good looks may actually be better than the majority of people. Sounds stuck up, but its explained in the book. We've all heard of the numbering system. Maybe we dont even think like that, but other people do. Or at least these other people are more scared of us than we are of them type of thing.

And for those of you who dont feel attractive. I feel for you...I used to be overwieght and stuff. You can still learn the game and you wont get a 10 if youre actually a 5, but youll do ok.

Thing is not many people want to talk about this stuff. Forget the psychotherapist. What do they know? Or we misinterpret stuff.

I dont think that book is the be all end all either. Numbering and scripted moves is kind of lame.

I say be you, but be cool.

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A male reader, anton51 Australia +, writes (6 October 2012):

I'm a 51 year old male virgin.

I stopped looking at this as a curse and started thinking I am a special person.

There's nothing more frightening than going to bed with an experienced woman that could take control of my body giving me pleasure beyond anything I've ever experienced. I met ladies over the years but never told them I was a virgin before going to bed only to end up a nervous wreck, failing to perform.

From now on if I ever get the chance to meet another woman I'll explain my lack of sexual experience before asking if she could teach and guide me in a fantasy that i have no idea of at all. It's a kind of feeling of vulnerability and weakness as this experienced woman takes charge of me.

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A male reader, Richard.S United Kingdom +, writes (7 August 2012):

Try being a virgin at 44!! I have attended evening classes in the past, have various interests including keep fit, country pubs, driving, sports etc but physically i am unattractive and always have been. No woman has ever shown any interest in me or wanted to go on a date with me. You have time on your side to make things happen, my time is over. When you are 44 and a virgin you are considered a joke and a failure, i was told the only way i would ever have sex is to pay an escort, i tried that but because i had gone for so long without sex it was a failure.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012):

27 years and counting. Women don't like me because I am ugly. That's it, basically. Women tell me this quite often. At the end of the day, no-one wants to have sex with an ugly person, and I can understand that. It's human nature to want to have sex with normal-looking people. It's not fair but you just have to find ways of coming to terms with it. I collect things, that's just my way of dealing with it. It's not sex but it's something. Also, drugs can help you forget about things sometimes. Again, that's just my way of dealing with it and I don't really recommend it. Collecting things is good though - you give yourself an achievable target (I will collect five hundred whatevers in the next five years, or something like that) and then you work towards that goal, and no woman can take that away from you, though they may try to. One thing that I have been doing lately is going up to good-looking women and telling them that they are ugly! I know it's immature but I do get some comfort out of it - and really they deserve it anyway for always telling me how ugly I am.

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A male reader, Dalorian Canada +, writes (30 July 2012):

Hi all, Im a 30 year old virgin male. You cant believe how much i needed to find this site. reading all your messages has latterly brought me back from the edge. I don't feel so alone anymore and completely lost. Since a very young age, I was confused about sexuality. I didn't get much attention if any, and growing up, i started to compensate for this with the mix of my hormones starting out, with thinking that perhaps i was meant to be a girl because they get a lot of attention, and that seems to be what i need. But my whole life Ive felt completely ashamed of this and it has only driven me to become even more Int-reverted. Im not sure what to do, because my situation is really messed up. but at least I don't feel completely alone. Thank you.

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A female reader, silvery707 United States +, writes (29 May 2012):

silvery707 agony auntSorry TG...I pressed the enter button before looking.

I was also going to add that it's good that you're not like the other guys who are okay with giving up something sacred like their virginity to a prostitute. That means you have integrity.

As a woman in your same predicament, I can only wish i meet a guy like you who understands where I'm coming from. There are women who will respect what you have going on. If you meet a woman who loves and accepts you for what you are...your virginity won't matter. And your whole dilemma will be a distant and perhaps comical memory. Plus, you're never too old to find love or start having sex. I wish you the best of luck as I'm in the same boat with you. Best of luck :D

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A female reader, silvery707 United States +, writes (28 May 2012):

silvery707 agony auntDear TG,

I'm a 28 about to be 29 year old virgin and It's bothering me myself too especially with my 30s creeping up. I use to want to wait till marriage till I found the right guy but have been very unsuccessful in that department. It's hard because I am smart, educated and attractive but every time I tell a guy I'm a virgin, I never hear from them again, and it really hurts my feelings (even though I know all they wanted was sex and not me).

Anyway, something that helps me is seeing things in a different perspective. What if you had sex with a random girl and got her pregnant or got an STD. No one wants that. You have to remember that you are a healthy and you're someone who wants something meaningful so good for you. Your sex organs aren't going to fall off anytime soon because YOU'RE STILL YOUNG :)

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A female reader, zis Kenya +, writes (4 May 2012):

hi , may i start by admitting to you that nothing is wrong with you, you are very okay. believe me i Understand what you mean when you say that " This is literally driving me insane."

am a lady single almost age 28 and i was a virgin till last month when i decided to loss my virginity, being a virgin really disturb my mind wondering if i was really normal, until i could not hold any more. if today was then i could not such a stupid action, i could still hold until the day God would bless with my husband . i urge u to hold until the day you will get your love life.

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A male reader, QuietThinker United States +, writes (7 June 2011):

QuietThinker agony auntI'm a 52-year-old male virgin. In my case it's because I'm rather asexual; I've never been interested in sex with anyone, including when I lived with a girlfriend and shared a bed with her. I've lived a life in terms of the things I am interested in; I have a well-paid job, a nice apartment, and have done a lot of traveling. A girlfriend might be nice, without the sex; someone to watch TV together, cuddle, share trips and museums, etc., but finding someone like that is difficult.

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A male reader, PoohDenTheatre United States +, writes (25 May 2011):

PoohDenTheatre agony auntI was a virgin till I was 26. Before that Ive made out a few times but didn't go all the way. At times when I confessed to my virginity I would get questions like "Do you masturbate" or "Do you jerk off alot?" or just the down right remark " You must play with yourself an awful lot!" As embarrasing as it was I confessed to my masturbation but in those time there was no indication that they were going to help Me get laid I guess if you're pegged there always that mysterious possiblility of your princess being around the corner or it may be a long stroking road. There's just no telling if not for thae fall of 2002 I'd probably still be a virgin today.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011):

Hi everyone...it is really amazing to discover that there are many people out there who are still virgins. it is amazing because in today's world, where there is a lot of sex going around in our environment and our media, many people are still able to hold on to their virtue. I am a 27yr old virgin (female and single) and I thought I was the only 'outcast' alive. I have a pear shaped body and from what I gather; I have a pretty face too. LOL! all my friends who know about my status think I am weird and a freak and sometimes I really do think I will die a virgin. I have an analytical mind so I often give my friends very valuable relationship advices and they find it difficult to believe that I am single and more so a virgin. I love men but I have not met the special person who deserves to be my first. I just want to say that I feel consoled by your comments and although you are all virtual; I HAVE FINALLY FOUND A GROUP WHERE I FEEL WELCOME!!! Thanx

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A female reader, Kaylabell United States +, writes (18 April 2011):

Hello everyone,

I am 20 and my boyfriend is 28. He was a virgin when we started dating and I was not. He's an incredibly handsome guy and on the outside, no one would have ever known him to be a virgin. We dated for about a year before having sex (he had moved to another state early on in our relationship, but we both continued with our relationship as we were both smitten with each other from the start). At the beginning of our relationship, he had told me that he had been with a couple of women. We fell in love with each other over the course of a year and then he shamefully admitted to me what he had kept a secret for so long. I was shocked (he should not have lied) but I told him that I would never be angry about the lie because I can completely understand how humiliating it can feel to still be a virgin after so long. But that shouldn't be the case!!! I know that I am a really understanding person, but you guys ( and ladies) can definitely find that special person who will understand your situation.

There is really nothing truly wrong with my boyfriend. He is smart, funny, HIGHLY sensitive and HIGHLY introverted. When he was a teen, he attempted to have sex but nerves got the best of him and the girl went on to humiliate him. After the incident, which devastated my boyfriend, he couldn't get the courage to try again.

I've come along and I try to make him see the amazing things that I see in him. He definitely needs to believe in himself more and I have a feeling that you guys empathize.

We had sex after a year into our relationship. We've moved in together and are both really happy. I was not lucky enough to lose my virginity to someone that I loved, but my boyfriend got that chance. And I think it has been the best thing because we both can feel comfortable enough with each other to let go and enjoy each other.

There IS the special someone for everyone. Don't be so discouraged that you don't want to continue on with your lives. There are people out there who UNDERSTAND. Everyone deserves to be loved, so don't give up!

You guys are STILL YOUNG!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011):

Hi!

I agree with almost everthing everyone has said on this post. I'm a 26 year old (female) virgin. I think the most admirable thing a person can do is to hold and stand firmly on one's ground. Especially when mettars about life are concerned. Being in love is a major part of life. It can make or break you. Just like most here, I consider myself attractive (At least judging from what men say about me. I get countless compliments on my figure, soft personality, demeanor, confidence, exotic beauty and many other attributes fromm men). However, I do believe in true love, which goes beyond physical attraction. I have yet to find that special man. They hard to come by nowadays. Beauty fades as we age. But true love doesn't. I need to find the person who understands that, among other things. I thought I was freak too!. Good to know I'm not alone

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011):

Hi, I am 28 and i am a virgin too!!! i think my case is slightly different, i am not the one who is looking for someone or something special... My case is about my sexuality and the confusion i have with it, and the religion mixes in that pretty well too... I donnow whether any of you would believe me, but I am probably the only one in this world saying that sexuality is a choice... I can't make my mind whether i am a bisexual, homosexual or heterosexual... to be more specific i feel like i am more attracted to guys, but at times i can't take my eyes off beatiful women's bodies with sexual fantasies about them in my mind... then came in my beliefs about homosexuality, the religious ones, and i opted to belief that it is "wrong"... so now my brain just can't work it out... who am i, sexually? I physiologically feel like i can be attracted to both sexes, but i feel more attracted to men... i think, i am not being clear here... but, god, that's how it is... and I feel like my life is slowly but surely going in the wrong direction, i haven't had any kind of relationship in my life so far, when i became an "adult", let's say 22-24, i realized I don't have close friends, that's because i somehow managed to push them away from myself.... I guess, instinctively, i tried to compensate all that confusion with school A's and career pursuit, which i realize is also somehow related to being sexually "normal"... well i am a confused 28 yo virgin!! but i also feel like that i can solve it... it seems to me so minor and easy to do... well it's turning into a novel now, better stop here...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2011):

Not sure I can answer your question, but I am somewhat relieved to see I'm not the only person in my shoes. I am a 28 year old virgin and I sometimes feel that every person I meet is able to see that. Which in turn made me feel like an outcast. I am not looking for just sex just like you said but to find someone to actually have a relationship with. So far It seems I haven't had that luck but I think this is partly due to not putting myself out there. I've had my heart broken once and I guess I kind of gave up after that. I feel that is not the way to go. So these posts have inspired me to feel ok with who I am and where I am in my life. Cause I know it will happen when the time is right.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011):

i am a 28 year old (female) virgin. lately i've become worried that i've waited too long and there are no "good ones" left. i am relieved to know that there are still guys out there who are virgins! i strongly believe in waiting until marriage, and i'd love to meet a guy who has done the same. however, i am very shy and have almost no confidence around men. dating (what little of it i have done) has been a nightmare for the most part. and i'm not unattractive or anything. i have gotten a lot of compliments mostly on my figure (face is average). i am just so nervous/awkward all the time! what to do??

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011):

I am a 28 year old female who has never had a boyfriend or had sex. I'd just like to say though that I think it's a travesty that people like ourselves are made to feel like we are freaks, whereas youngsters who have sex at age 15, sometimes even younger (and sometimes get pregnant) are barely frowned upon in comparision. We should be proud that we have been sensible and not just slept "with anybody" yet. Even if you happen to mention it to, say, a doctor, they look at you like you are mad or lying. Surely it is better to be an older virgin who has morals than someone who just sleeps around just to fit in with what the media often portrays as "the norm". Just becaues we have a problem with a high rise in teenagers having sex does not make it right or normal. I think it is a sad case of affairs when individuals like myself are made to feel like lesser beings because we simply haven't found the right person yet, and hence, haven't yet had sex either.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011):

OMG!!!! I am a 27 year old virgin female. I have never had a boyfriend or any close male friends. It gets so hard sometimes and very lonely *tear*. Its always hard for anybody to believe that I am a virgin. They all seem to always think that I'm lieing or gay!! I have always been a quiet and have always stayed to myself. It was honestly about to drive me crazy, until I saw this post today. I'm not alone after all........ :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

Hi, i was a 27 year old virgin, thought i was going to be one for the rest of my days. But I am now in a stable relationship and am getting married in 9months time. All with in 18 monhs of being with the person. Love is just around the corner and it usually creaps up on you when you least expect it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010):

hey man...you're not a loser...if i could say more i would but honor is something you live with...and you'll live with it the rest of your life...be proud of it...

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A male reader, casey4385 Antigua and Barbuda +, writes (17 December 2010):

It's rather shocking to find so many people who are going through the same thing that I am. I'm a 24 year old virgin and it would surprise most people to know that, just like so many people on this forum, I'm not an ugly toad, I don't weigh 500 pounds, and I'm not lacking self confidence either. And I haven't stepped foot into a church for almost two decades either.

The real problem is that I'm a one woman kind of guy and I'm willing to wait till the right woman comes along to share my heart and soul with. People have lost the idea of what sex really is about because they see and hear about people doing it all the time, never realizing that all it results in is self gratification of human body parts as though they're animals, like they're dogs on the street.

Though it honestly hurts me sometimes that I can real lonely, I'm willing to wait as long a possible to wait for an unselfish, elegant woman who doesn't portray of the dog (bitch) roaming the street in search of a dozen dogs to have sex with her. For this reason, as much as I think about loving someone and having sex with someone special, I'm willing to die a virgin if it means preserving the last ounce of humanity within me. And that's the truth!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010):

I'm 27 year old virgin female. I work out, i get asked out, interested, get comments etc. But I've never felt someone was genuine enough to wanting me, just sex. Last guy I was seeing, turned out he only wanted sex from me. So considering what's happening, I'm beginning to doubt what I am looking for, a stable long term relationship and sexual life with someone who's caring and looking for more than just physical connection... In recent light of what happened with the last guy, I'm really really beginning to lose all hope.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010):

28 yr. old female virgin here...

I would totally date a male virgin. It's hot that sex means something to you. I, too, want a caring relationship, not just a guy to nail me. but I'm getting desperate and may start looking a friend with benefits.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

Hi, sorry no virgin here but I'm in the club of the long term adult male virgins, I was 26 going on 27 not have had my penis-ina-vagina-yet blues. I have to say I had to develop an unhealthy apethtic attitude. Before that there were instances when I've confessed to being a virgin and I have been exposed for being a virgin. I've been asked or even told about playing with myself alot which was even more embarrasing because I was shy and it was the truth. Of course any long term male virgin is going to 'Bate alot it's a frustrating mystery and scary because we live in the Friends With Benefits time, you don't know how discerning a woman is now a days. All I can say is to find a girl who makes you feel comfortable about being a virgin instead of asking if you play with yourself and hopefully she'll accomodate you.

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A female reader, star2010 United States +, writes (30 August 2010):

Wow many of you people are pathetic. Especially the one who would commit suicide over being a virgin? Virginity is a beautiful thing and it shows that the person has self respect. I am 23yrs old and I am nothing but PROUD to be a virgin. Why does it matter what people think? God created sex for marriage. You people need some intense and I mean INTENSE therapy.

Toodles!

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A female reader, A note from Holly United States +, writes (21 July 2010):

P.S. when i said a bunch of diva men in my post below, I meant the ones who feel entitled to be with a girl who puts out, not you guys. I think male virgins are totally hot, and I would love to date one provided he was attractive.

Good luck fellas.

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A female reader, A note from Holly United States +, writes (21 July 2010):

Helloooo Virgins!!

I am a 27 year old virgin and I can't believe it. I'm a good looking woman with a good personality. I've found it hard to open up to guys though and have had 2 boyfriends in my life - one lasting 1 week and the other 3 weeks. (I broke up with both of them.)

Finally, FINALLY, I found a man I really liked. We've been dating 2 months and he was sleeping at my house the first time. Then I told him i was a virgin and HE LEFT!!!!!!!!

He has not spoken to me since. Always I have been okay with my V-card but now I'm totally bitter about the whole thing. Bitter about love, bitter about jerks who won't date a girl because he wants to have sex and she wants to be in love first, etc. The sad thing is I still like him and I almost wish I hadn't told him and just been more free in the sack.

Guys, you are not alone. Women too get thought of as prudes or freaks. Maybe because the rest of the women are making it so easy for a guy to get sex. I think I'm doing the right thing here but I wish the rest of women were too so guys wouldn't feel so dang entitled. Bunch of diva men lol.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010):

I am 27 almost 28 and still a virgin, but not cuz I wanna be one tho. I'm not looking for the right one or anything. I just wanna get freaky with somebody. I think the reason why I'm a virgin today has to do with low self esteem issues. In junior high and high school I had very bad severe ACNE and none of the girls were interested in me. Most girls thought I was ugly. They would look at me like UGH. I would try to talk to girls, but I always got rejected and everytime I'd get rejected my self confidence would get lower and lower and it eventually got low to the point I quit talking to females. I started isolating myself, I became withdrawn from people, I quit going out, and I stayed at home alot. This was how my junior high and high school years were. I did not have any fun at all because my self esteem was so low. I developed social anxiety. It was just a mess. If I hadn't had ACNE in those days I know I would have had alot of girlfriends, been on alot of dates. I probably would have children by now. I hope anyone who has suffered with severe ACNE reads this post because I want people to understand how ACNE can affect your life. It really does damage you on a psycological level as well as physical. I did go to the dermantologists and that did not help me at all. Now I'm all about going that natural alternative route. I didn't mean to turn this into an ACNE debate post, but I just wanted people to understand why I am a virgin today. I had one girlfriend in the ninth grade, but she wasn't my type. I only went with her because her friends wanted me to and I was desperate. The girls I wanted to talk to didn't like me. I also had a blind date and that girl didn't like me basically because of the ACNE. That was all the girls reason for not going with me. All because I had acne. Severe ACNE at that. Before I had acne I was a very handsome boy. I always used to get compliments on how cute I was or how handsome I was, but when I became a teenager plagued with ACNE, those compliments seemed to stop. I know this was kind of long, but I had alot I needed to say.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010):

Hi 28 year old virgin.

I think you should do whatever it takes to solve your problem as you will never be truly happy until this weight is lifted from your mind. It is difficult if you have never been with anyone before but you need to do everything you can to increase your chances. Things to think of are:

1) You will find it easier to get a girlfriend if you are in good shape. If you don't already have a great body and a six pack work out in the gym ALL THE TIME until you do.

2) Join some clubs / societies where you will have a chance to speak to single women on a regular basis. The more you talk to and mix with women the more confident you will get.

3) Make sure you go out on the town regularly with your buddies. Its not romantic but a quick fumble with a girl whe you're both drunk will do you the world of good.

4) If your "social status" e.g. no car etc. affects you - then get a car! Work towards getting a good job to build your self esteem.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

I'm a 25 y/o girl and I have absolutely no experience with men. I've never even been kissed. I am good looking, educated and a good, nice person. It is good to know there are so many people my age out there with a similar problem. I don't want a boyfriend just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I would only date a guy I really liked and found attractive. Unfortunately, I've never met anybody I liked in a situation that could possibly lead to a date.

Guys who don't have experience shouldn't stress about it. I'm sure there are many other girls out there who, like me, would choose an inexperienced guy who wanted a serious relationship over a playboy anytime.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010):

I hate the pity of others. I am a virgin too but I know why and what is my psychological problem. As a teen my selfsteem was shattered many times... I felt the ulgly duck in the class.... had the pimples,fortunately I got to live with my my mom and she took action and I was on Acutane, just a few scars remain but I am so clean now. I use moisturizer and keep my face impecabble. As I entered college I kind of fixed my looks and the view of myself. I felt confident and intelligent, I had always been and A student. But it all went down the drain the first time I tried to connect to say a woman I had a crush on. She was 10 years older than me, from another ethnic group, but she friended me for a few months and made me feel so fucking special, gave me food and rides... she was so sexy (she seemed nerdy, she was almost 30 and had no kids... but I just assume that), I never knew the real her. I got so frustrated and vindictive with her , I later so regretted all the damage I did to myself. She had embarrased me because I let her do that, but I was quick to do some damage control. But I was hurt and empty and still there are just some small things I hate about women. Yet, only with time and the attention on few other girls made me forget her. Some women came over to me! But my social status and my real problem still affected my selfsteem... I had no car, no girlfriend, and the few good friends that I had were leaving. The real problem in this is my desire to be a woman. Now I know this is not what applies to you, but looks like all virgins have personality weakness. No matter how smart, looks or what you have materially...it is your mentality what defeats you. A problem, my fear is women, the way they act, they ignore thing us men are obsessed about and what I did at 21 I can never forget. At 21 I became a transvestite, the pics, the videos, men were crazy over me...a pervert myself. So at this point I have resentment towards everyone...men want women and women want your money, the love they seem to get it from other women nowdays...men in general, boys face societal degradation with less education, less support from our fathers etc... I just feel had I grown up with my Dad I would be more confident regardsless of the natural weakeness/femininity of my being....sorry if I misspelled but that was my 2Cents

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010):

That's one of the saddest things I've been readed so far. Loneliness, isolation, lack of love & sex. Living like a zombie.

I sympathize with you all. Don't fool yourself. Go, visit brothels, have sex with male or female prostitutes, just let your hair down.

If you're ugly, socially awkaward, an aspie or you're just "over 30" virgin - you'll probably die like a virgin.

Life is a hard mistress. Just be over with that "rite of passage".

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010):

Hi A ten tone wight has just been lifted from my shoulders now that i knew im not the only virgin out there i am 27 years old i have been in 5 short tearm relationships and i still have this problem and it realy gets me down i have confided in my most trusted friends but i still fell that im alone but i dont just wanna have sex for the sake of having sex i wanna find that special someone. sorry not realy a Answer

thank you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010):

You are not alone. I am a female 25 year old virgin. Even my younger brother is getting married and has lost his virginity. I have had a sheltered life (working so hard in school and uni that I only ever had one serious boyfriend who left me) It has now meant that I feel like i am never going to meet anyone. Im not the sort of person that enjoys going out so that is my big problem. But to just be recognised a little would be nice. It feels like im gonna be stuck like this forever

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010):

I am a male almost 29. Yes I noticed that this is a 3 year old question, but I hope you and others can still apply this to your life. You should not be ashamed by any means that you are a virgin. I personally, because I have never had intercourse, I guess am still a virgin and it has always been my choice. I have been in 3 relationships, and dated about 7 other women. From what others tell me, I am a good looking guy, I stay in shape, and get along with anyone. I am a Christian, I have morals, and that is the way it is going to be. I have guidelines I live my life by and having random sex with women is not a risk I care to take. As far as the other guys giving you advice like, "Go ahead there's nothing to it, ehh it's just a deep form of communication, you should practice and get better," it's just a bunch of mislead people. I could talk you into jumping off a roof onto a trampoline and make it sound really good, but you still should not do it. Women that prefer to be with a man that has experience probably get around anyways, and they are not who you should be looking for. Guys that get around don't respect women and will give you every excuse why what they are doing is ok. Date around (notice I said date and not sleep around), meet girls, get involved with the community, go to church, stay in shape, be attractable to women, and stay clean cut. When you meet the right girl for you, and you fall in love she will not care what you do, or what you know, or how you do it. That is the way it should be. A man and a woman are supposed to get married and have experiences with each other, get better at sex with each other, live life, and be happy!

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A male reader, cdn7 United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2010):

This is a three year old question (nearly) so it may no longer apply but nonetheless it's very interesting to come across it, interesting as it strikes a very much personal chord with me.

I am 33, male and still a virgin. Yes, I've never been in a relationship, ever, and have never, ever had sex either. Not something I want to continue, particlarly, but that's how it is. At least it gives me some sort of idea that I'm less alone in this than I think I am. Society places a lot of pressure on people to have lots of sex and quickly and it's something that's taken as a given in other words it will happen. The less mature in society would think that anyone who is still a virgin after a particular age is a freak but you'll be surprised at some of the answers you get on message boards if you post about this. Most people are less judgemental than you think, at least that's the idea I get.

Place yourself in situation where you can meet people and don't forget the idea of meeting women through other people. I think there's something to be said about that. There are single women out there, hopefully.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010):

I'm only 18 I'm a quiet brunette and a virgin. I have no problem admitting I'm an attractive person, people (mostly friends and family and random girls) tell me I am. To this day I have had very little male attention in my life. For a long time I didn't understand it. I mean I work out and stay in good shape, I dress alright, I'm morally sound, and I'm cynical but I'm still a nice person. I down right refused to date anyone from my school because I didn't like anyone. But, now that I'm in college and still a virgin its driving my crazy. I'm told by everyone that I should just enjoy life because a relationship isn't really worth it this early in life, while I sort of agree with that the still a virgin thing plays over in the back of my mind. I should add that I'm a Christian and I just can't go to some random guy and screw him. I tell you what saving yourself for marriage can be a pain because I know I don't want to be married for like another 10-12 years so of course I stress about it from time to time. You're not alone man, believe me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

Hello,

I'm not sure if your still in the 'virgin' bracket, but here's the thing. Why should it bother us? I'm turning 27 this year and admit it somtimes bothers me that I'm on my own and have never even had what I consider to be a nice kiss. But I know so many people who've mucked up their lives by having sex with someone inappropriate, whether it be an 'idiot' boyfriend; or someone whose supposedly with somebody else, what's the point? Wait until you meet someone you care about, you could be well into your 30'S but I guarantee it'll mean more to you. Whether you want sex for pleasure, which I admit sounds good, do you want all the hassle that comes with it? Ask your friends if they could set you up with someone nice, if they can't wait for you to feel comfortable with being with them they aren't worth it. Take your time, try not to worry about it. And look more carefully at the relationships around you, are they happy? Are they fed up? Be comfortable with it when it happens, just because a friend may have lost their vigintiy at 15, doesn't mean you have to. Take your time and good luck with everything.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

Hi, I have been in the same situation as you all, completely obsessed and depressed about it. Until I actually had sex. Well it was a complete failure, awkward and I didn't get an erection but we did some things and i realize now sex is completely overrated and i don't care about it anymore. maybe i will once meet a girl and have a relationship. but i'm still a virgin since there was no real intercourse and i wouldn't care much if i were a virgin for the rest of my life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010):

Well, first things first, there is a step in front of having sex which is having such a 'good' relationship with someone. I think actualy nobody had his/her first time with someone they truely love. This lust might sound superficial but it is crucial to explore, what this sexual thing is all about. This will also help you selecting a good partner/true love/durable relationship. I think it is important for you not to focus too much on 'the perfect picture'. I shouldn't try someone 'rented' because this cancels the whole sensing of sexuality. and it will be reduced to simply a paid throphy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010):

I'm a 25-year-old virgin who has also struggled with feeling like an outsider due to my complete lack of sexual experience.

My best piece of advice is to talk with a therapist who you feel is open-mined and trustworthy. Our "issue" is not something the average person can deal with and you just get tons of shitty advice. Haha. That sounds so cynical but really, it's true.

Since starting therapy a few months ago, I have gotten a little clarity for myself and am now seeing how the anxiety and low self-esteem is merely the tip of the iceberg. My lack of sexual experience and intimacy with men has been about me protecting myself and taking care of myself the best way I know how. I now know that I wouldn't be doing myself any favors by just getting drunk and fucking some guy at a bar or by pressuring myself into a MUST HAVE SEX BY DATE.

For some people the "suck it up and just do it" method may work but I really think this may lead to a traumatizing experience. There are opportunities around us everyday that we are passing by but there are also perfectly good reasons why we are letting them pass us by. It is soooo difficult going through this process though - especially when so many of us seem to want and need intimacy NOW.

As for women not being attracted to men with "no sexual skills," I really don't believe this to be the case unless you are entering into a purely sexual exchange.

xo

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A female reader, daisypot United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2010):

I am 28 and a virgin. I am not sure how this happened to me as I certainly never thought my life would turn out like this.

It is something that bothers me immensly, I think about it constantly and it affects every aspect of my life.

Apart from this one aspect of my life I am a well adjusted functioning part of the world, but the older I become the more I think my virginity is impinging on this and I feel like a big old weirdo.

I guard this secret closely and only my family know about it. I hate lying to people but I have to make up ex boyfriends so people don't realise, although I'm sure people are suspicious.

Anyway I have decided that the solution for all of us is simply to practise with each other. Does anyone else think this is a good idea?

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A female reader, Blandish United States +, writes (9 April 2010):

I'm going to be 28 soon. I've never kissed anyone. I've never dated anyone. And I've never really fallen in love with anyone. I haven't let myself, because I don't trust people, and my self-preservation has been more important to me than sex. (Not that I don't know quite a bit about my own... um, self-pleasure?)

When I was young, I was a romantic. As I got older, I became more cynical. Looking at everyone going through the craziness of their relationships, and all the lying, cheating, abusing, breaking up, fighting, STD riddled mess... completely put me off of, well, everything.

I still want to find a person who is a best friend that I have sex with and love deeply. But I haven't made any effort to get out there and EXPERIENCE people. I stay at home, mostly, and only sometimes feel lonely. Other people who are fatter than me, and I'm a chubby 185 lbs., or uglier than me, and I'm a plain brunette with glasses, or meaner than me, or dumber than me, although I can be pretty dumb... They find people to live with. To love. To have sex with. Because of that, I know that the answer to my dilemma, and the solution to my perpetual virginity, is inside myself.

I have felt, since I was a kid, that the world has rejected me. The truth is, I have rejected the world. I've given up on finding a person who can accept me, and I no longer make the effort to get to know people. If I do eventually have sex with someone, I won't mention that I'm a virgin at all. There's no point. The lack of sex isn't the problem, it's just a symptom. And if I want to find a solution to my emotional cowardice, to get out there and experience people even if I don't trust them, then sex will probably be a very minor part of it.

As comforting as it is to know that other people are having the same problem I am, I don't want messages from the others like me. I want the solutions people who have gotten out of this predicament can share.

Tomorrow, I'm going to take one step of many to get rid of this personal fear. I'm going to try and at least go out on a g-damn date. I'm terrified, and afraid I'll be rejected. But, the alternative is to regret never even trying.

And I'm tired of that regret.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010):

dude you're NOT alone i understand and it helps me feel better about myself that I'm not the only one out there! I truly know how you feel, and I sympathize with you man. Its not easy but hang in there buddy I think that if I can make it without completly losing my mind, that anyone can!!! You'll be just fine and you're not alone!!!Peace and love bro we're in this together.

Highnoon

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

Despite all of my friends, when I was a teenager I wasn't thinking about girls that much, I always thought that one day I would have found one. I never thought I’d still be a virgin after my twenties. Now, after more than 10 years, I'm conscious of the fact that I'll be a virgin forever, and I regret all the opportunities that I missed when I was young. However, I usually don't care about it: if that's my destiny, I just say "ok, whatever".

Unfortunately I have to deal with people around me. Parents, relatives, friends, they all know that I’m a virgin, even though I never told them explicitly (I guess it’s not that difficult to figure out). They simply can’t stop asking me what’s wrong with me and why I don’t have a girlfriend, sometimes even making jokes out of it. They have no idea how painful it is. My brother is in the same situation, a grown-up virgin. I consider him as my only real friend. I’m still here mainly because of him.

I temporary left my country and went back to school in order to find a new purpose in my life, but this is turning out to be a bad idea: now all my “friends” really expect me to find a girlfriend out here, now ‘I have no excuses’ (they must believe that I’m doing it on purpose or something). I remember that the first message that I got here from one of them was 'so, did you have sex?' I wish I haven’t been born at all every time they ask me that question. So far I’ve been strong, but I’m scared…

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010):

Hi. I am a 26 year old virgin from the US. I am kind of relieved that I am not the only one dealing with this (even though it feels like it). I do not have any experience with men at all and I always feel that there is something wrong with me. I mean; everyone else I know have had sexual relationships. I am afraid of telling people that I know because I would probably get made fun of or pity.

What I worry about the most is that if I end up in a senario in which I can have sex; the guy will have the experience and I will not. Moreover; I am afraid that I would not be able to please a man.

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A male reader, thisisit India +, writes (21 February 2010):

me too..28...kissed girls a few times....

its not happened yet.....its slowly driving me crazy....

i want to be that gentle nice guy...but the frustration is making me want to become a dog...my niceness has only brought me trouble in so many areas of my life....but i still believe in it...i do not want to become a dog.....

i am worried.....years are going by...and each year that goes by..i become more awkward....i know that when the time comes...i will not worry...because i believe that it is in our nature to have sex....and it will come naturally...nothing to be learned....just like kissing came naturally...i will be honest with the girl....but now i cannot wait much longer...i know it has to happen this year..i have 11 months left.....if it does not...then i must go to a prostitute...as much as i hate that idea.....but its messing with my sanity....and could very well drive me to suicide.....life is pretty hard as it is....got lots of stuff to deal with....television and society dont make it any easier...

i am trying different appraoches now....i'm willing to do whatever it takes...so far i was not...but now i am ready to go out more and talk to girls more...even flirt more.....suck up my insecurities..accept rejection if that is the route ...need to be stronger and not feel bad about being rejection..i realize its a numbers game.....1 in 10 will work... the other 9 are practice....this is the only way forward.....

good luck people..if u want it...then go get it.....do it different.....if u keep doing what u have always done..u will keep getting what u have always got...so try something different....take chances....afterall....its a wonderful experience to be with another beautiful human being.....nothing to be afraid of...and even if u are afraid...its ok...be afraid......live with the fear...it will fade away.....its ok if the first few experiences are awkward.....it will improve.....

this is it.....this year.......set a deadline...and make it happenn.......or else...shoot yourself...this is my plan.....no two ways about it......i'm done waiting.....28.....thats it....its not like i have waited so that i can give it to the special one or anything like thhat...the ugly truth is..it just has not happened for me..inspite of me wanting it........

its time now......gonna make it happen.....thats it...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2010):

Hey,

I understand your situation like no other, man.

I am 28, male, been bullied at school, gained more weight, got chubby, been insulted and rejected everywhere I go. I am now so full with negative feelings because of my past.

Never had any attention from girls ofcourse. Never held hands, kissed, let alone have a sexual relationship.

My virginity was no problem that much when I was 16, 17, 18. After that it starts to hurt. People who say sex is not important are probably those who have a wonderful sexlife themself. Sex IS important, as we all are sexual human beings. It is a need, just like eating and sleeping. It is a key element in how we shape our personality and psyche. The lack of a sexlife affects us tremendously. It is as you say, not complete.

When I was 23, I felt so miserable I was about to kill myself over it. I had to do something to ease the pain, so I grabbed 150 bucks and visited a sexclub where I went upstairs into a private bedroom with this girl "Natasha".

That was my first and also only time I ever had sex with a girl. It felt great, it was fun, it wasn't like you think just cold and pure penis in vagina. I know she loves me for 30 mins for the money, but you are still working with humans here. She said I was a kind guy and gentle, unlike many men who are too rough and aggressive.

I don't regret I ever went to that place. If you really feel deeply unhappy with your virginity, I strongly recommend you save some cash, pick out a good clean professional club and pay for some attention. It may seem pathetic to you guys who are in a fantastic relation with a hot woman, but I rather pay than to become so depressed I'd rather be dead.

Now don't be fooled. You won't be a different person after visiting a prostitute. I felt happy, glad I did it, but it didnt change the way I am with girls. I still don't have a girlfriend, I still didn't find a girl for a one night stand, so the underlaying problem is far more difficult to solve than by just paying some cash for a quick shag.

Personally my situation is even more complex since I feel a strong larger female side inside of me. When I was 16, maybe partly because of the lack of girls and relations, I started to wear girl clothes. Exploring myself as that was all I could do. Now 12 years later I still like to wear girl clothes at home. I am not into men if thats what you think. I just sometimes wish I was a girl. Maybe that too is because of my lack of relations. I believe its way easier to be a girl. Even if you arent looking very good, theres plenty of guys who'd want you. As a guy it's insane hard if you dont have the looks or the money. Simply being yourself isn't enough.

At 28, I have permanently given up all hope to ever find a girl. A family, kids, all that is not relevant to me anymore. I wonder if I'll be able to keep on living this life. But one thing is for sure, this situation is depressing and if I wasn't stronger, I would have suicided long before.

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A male reader, $izZle India +, writes (17 February 2010):

$izZle agony auntHi, 27 years old virgin from india soon ill be 28, never had a girlfriend let alone a relationship(never been kissed either). Here I'm at an age where i cant get a girl because I'm too old (that's how the ladies here define old) "I'm off the ladies menu" so to speak and the fact that I'm still a virgin is affecting me psychologically .... and i cant do anything about it. A friend i met online told me to just get it over with and go to a prostitute but i don't want that ... I'm in a situation where in i have to face the fact that I'm going to have to live this way ... my be I'm not much of a help ... but i do feel that you guys should feel lucky that you still have a chance to find that someone special.

I'm happy that I'm not alone, but I'm sad at the same time because there are more people like me who have not yet had what they deserve... :(

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A male reader, onechance United States +, writes (6 February 2010):

onechance agony auntIt's hard for me to say this to you all but I definitely understand the scenario you've painted. I've only been kissed once and at the time I was 18 I believe. Also interestingly enough I've only ever liked 3 girls in my life! Carmen, Andrea, and Jessica lul I did like one named Tyler but never really asked her out.

I see this matter from two viewpoints, the religious and the non religious. Strictly speaking would I have had sex early on before 28 years of age if I could've? Probably so. Do I feel it's actually a good thing? Well at this time yes I do think it would certainly have helped me in a big way. I admit this issue was very depressing and still holds that aura of sadness around it, however I've learned a few things too.

If you're a virgin by 28 then you probably will stay one the rest of your life.

Don't force yourself into anything it won't help you in the end.

Sex is meaningless, it's just done for fun.

So where's that leave me? Well........ I heard it said once somewhere online that when a man or woman is a virgin by 28 or so its become so much apart of their psyche (how they identify themselves) that it's almost impossible to change it. And if by chance someone does come around that will screw you they can expect some rocky challenges ahead because your personality is largerly based on that virginity model, when it comes crashing down then you are basically going to be a whole new person.

So really it's rather interesting this concept, and while it definitely causes anguish and sorrows for those who experience it I can only say good luck and when you reach the point I have of accepting it not as a weakness or strength but merely as what you are then you'll be free to move on. I see things more clearly now, people are mostly blind and unable to truly know what they want sex included.

Cherrio!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2010):

it is so reassuring to hear about other people in the same situation. I am going to be 27 this year and I am still a virgin. I was freaking out a little as I am the only one of my friends who is. I just want to be in love (or a least think I am in love) when it happens and most guys want to sleep with you on the first day so I never end up in a long time relationship. I can't imagine sleeping with someone on the first night- how do you know you can trust them? That is the issue for me- I don't want to be laughed at because I don't know anything. It is strange as my friends' boyfriends don't understand- just get it over with is their advice which disturbs me. I asked my brother and he said guys look at me and think it will take some work before I will go out with them so don't bother. Nice, I know. The thing is that I am not high maintenance- I just want a guy I can chat with, who I feel comfortable with. The only guys who ever approach me are drunk so of course you are not interested then. Where can I meet similar people?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010):

i believe its ok, you dont need to be miserable just because youre still a virgin... im 28 and still a virgin and living so well with much time for other activities..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010):

20 year old male virgin here, never kissed a girl closest i ever got was a "hug" a few years ago mainly due to being painfully shy oh well, just wanted to let that out there, nice knowing i'm not alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010):

Funny thing, I don't think you're too 'old' for the college girls. I'm 20, and my boyfriend is 28. I'm in my 3rd year of college and he's already finished his PhD, now doing research. Oh and may I also add, he's a virgin too. :) I don't find it anything wrong, but rather cute, heh.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010):

I'm 32 years old (Brazilian) and I'm still a virgin. I had some opportunities to meet girls but somehow I could not go beyond. Most people of my living are already married or has a vast sexual experience.

Also I do not like prostitutes but I tried twice (with a condom and a lot of caution of course) without a complete result. I do not know ... the skin of these sex workers as everything else seemed to be cold and distant.

I have no illusions about soulmates but I would like to find a girl my age to share my flesh and soul.

Either way you're not alone. Nor is a pervert. We are those who walk in silence with our agonies. I hope that you overcome. I intend to overcome this year.

A big hug and lots of luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2010):

I am a twenty-four year old male virgin from the United States. I have been in some relationships, but none of them moved to that point and I have no regrets about saving myself for the right person. I have encountered those sexually aggressive girls who were just as sex-obsessed and pathetic as some other men I know. I want someone who can engage both my mind and my body and I am not going to have either one compromised beforehand.

I have many problems with modern society and the virginity mythos is just one of them. You cannot value a person based on how many people he or she has screwed around with. You need to avoid worrying about what an ignorant society might think and have some confidence in yourself. Search for someone who can give you pleasure of both mind and body.

Believe me, there have been people in worse positions than you who have found someone for them.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010):

when you find someone who truly loves you your lack of experience won't matter. it will actually mean the girl doesn't have a whole lot of ex-girlfriends of yours to be concerned you might go back to or that she won't be as good as that you could possibly compare her to. also some females would really cherish that they will be your first. Maybe you could be her first too and even save it for marriage :) All the best and I hope you find true love and live happily ever after. You deserve to.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

I'm a 28 year old virgin too, and almost everything you said in your post describes me. Things just never escalated to that point for me. In fact I've hardly ever kissed a girl. I think part of my problem is "nice guy syndrome" where one always feels more like a brother or a cousin than as a sexually attractive being. I also have some issues with my sexuality. As time has gone by, I am more and more interested in having an experience with another guy instead of a female. In some ways I almost see that as a step toward building the confidence to be with a female. I've managed to avoid talking about my virginity with friends, and have certainly lied a few times to avoid telling the truth. There is a huge stigma attached to it unfortunately. I've actually, without realising it, have become very good at casually changing the subject when intimacy stories start being told and I feel it's going to shift toward me. When I'm out with friends and they try pushing me into chatting up a female, I find a way to not do it. It's almost as if my subconscious is trying to protect me from getting laid, strange as that sounds.

I must say it does feel good to hear others share this same frustration. My bet is there far more of us out there than you might think. It is not at all an uncommon thing. I'm just going to keep putting myself in situations where things may just happen on their own. I think the key is just be relaxed about it, rather than dwelling on it. Just think, after 28 or 29 years, when it does happen, it is going to be a great milestone to reach.

Keep on keeping on. And as you Brits say, "Keep your pecker up."

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009):

hey everyone.

i am 23 and also a virgin. I had a few drunken kisses in my early teens, that's about it.

Iv had very low self esteem almost as long as I can remember, mostly from having messed up parents that were never close to me and couldn't show affection properly. so like allot of you have said; my problem is more with a fear of intimacy. This over time has turned into loneliness, regret and embarrassment.

I just find it impossible to open up to anyone about anything even remotely as personal as this (even with best friends). Even a couple of girls that I REALLY liked have made passes at me and I just gently pushed them away until I felt safe in isolation and they felt... well, the warmth of someone els.

I haven't been close to anyone since I was about 8 years old and because its been this long, it seems impossible to break free from this cage that has protected me for so long and from so much.

I hope many of you get through this and I hope most of you already have. I can only dream of being myself and sharing the white gift I once was.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009):

27 year old virgin here. I can get dates no problem when using the internet, but the girls I have dated through the internet always have some major problems. One girl couldn't stay out of jail for more than 6 months. Another girl had addictions. Another had 3 kids by 3 different men. You get the picture. When I ask girls out in person (which I am not afraid to do), they almost always say no.

I think my situation is most disturbing because I'm good looking, in excellent shape, good confidence, and I have money...yet I can't get a girlfriend if my life depended on it. My situation was most painful in my mid twenties, but it's becoming easier lately.

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A male reader, nick80 United States +, writes (11 December 2009):

To the Kim Kardashian look-a-like:

This is actually quite different when you are a guy. I doubt that those 5 responses would have been as indearing in that case.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009):

I am a 27 yr old virgin as well. I know it is a burden on me and it has messed me up psychologically and emotionally. I look similar to Kim Kardashian, I have her body frame as well and I am a beautiful girl. I def. do not look like a virgin at all. I just haven't found the right man, and every other man I dated, just wanted to use me for sex and I just couldn't do it. It didn't feel right at that moment and I feel like I was being used, kind of like a used rag. Anyways, I have told people I was a virgin and every single one of them responded with this:

1) You must be very strong minded... girls that give it up are weak minded

2) You are really! ( they smile) I am sooo proud of you! I have even more respect for you!

3) Wow that awesome! You should be very proud of yourself!

4) If you need help in that department I would be more than happy to help you.

5) I highly respect you...

See, these are the responses I got. It wasn't from only five people it was more like twenty responses, but most of them were reduntant. You shouldn't be ashamed of it! You should be very proud thst you are strong-minded to hold on something like this for a very long time! You shouldn't be afraid to share this with others. It shouldn't be something to be embarrased about, but something you are proud of, something that is cherished and sacred. Being a virgin is purity, wholesomeness, wise.... You are clean and free of any diseases or unwanted pregnancies!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2009):

I just turned 29 and I'm still a virgin. I've had very limited experience in that area. Some days I obsess, some days I feel stronger about my decision to wait for someone I have feelings for, who has feelings for me. I'm actually quite terrified of how much it will hurt, and have contemplated being passed out the first time at least. But that my be weird for the guy, who does the deed. And I don't think i'd want to be with a guy who would want to devirginise a girl who was passed out. I've had many opportunities but none that would've left me with no regrets. Waiting for love sucks, but I really want that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009):

sex is over rated im 18 and a virgin theres no problem with it women guys dont care if you dont have experience if in a way goo because then you listen when the guy says he like something more.guys we all know its hard to be exspected to be the one to start flirting but travel and keep in mind when you shy from flirting if you make a bad impression oh well you will most likely not meet them again.just knowing their are others in your situation should give you hope sex in the teenage years is to rushed and for what just for show? it should not matter.just find the one you love and treat them good that what the real pain inside is the longing for the close feeling of a woman i have a girlfriend and shes religious and im not so much we ant the same religion but i respect her so much i will wait im in no hurry to lose mine though it like a honor,a sign of trust that they picked you to take theirs .just dont think about killing your self because they the one you might have loved my never and you will put them in the situation you felt you were in. i hope this helped in some odd way

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009):

Hi there,

I am a 29 year old UK male and also a virgin. I've been out on dates before (although not for a couple of years now), but I only ever got to the point of having sex three times, and on each occassion then I was so visibly nervous that it didn't happen. However to save face among my friends I pretend that I have been with lots of women, and the facade seems believable to them. I know it's been 2 years since your original post so hopefully now you've met someone and are happier, but your situation mirrors mine so much it's scary.

Nowadays I know that the next time I meet someone and it gets to the stage of having sex, I will definitely tell them I am a virgin, as I have never ever told anyone that face to face and I think that's a big part of the problem. The other problem I have is that I am so shy I hardly ever go out and have no friends or social life, I know the only way to meet someone is to get out there and it's something I am working on, infact right now I am travelling and have been for the last 11 months, although I don't meet many people it's still better than being stuck at home.

So my advice is just get out there, meet as many women as you can, and eventually you will be able to meet someone you can be open with and have a great relationship with. All the best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009):

Hi there , it is amazing I do not share this pain alone.

I am like you my friend I am 28 and a virgin to be honest it is so painful! So much so it gives me sucucidal thoughts. I think to my self

"why would someone as beautiful as her take a chance of loser like me!" when you know they have dated wankers in the past.

I am in this forums and relate to everyone on here. This weekend I went out with the few friends I have left on the town. I met this attractive woman and we were hitting it off and then I make up some stuipuid excuse and left. It hurts even more becuase my best friend has sex so much and in essence is a dog! Shagging more then 2 woman a week. I always make excuses to a point the woman feels like the unattractive one. It gets me so down its unreal. I think to myself do I belong in this world? And I know its hard. Trust me I know. I went a few years back to shrink and it took me 1 year and a bit to tell her (my shrink) that I was one! I even went to Amsterdam try and get a hooker. Do you know what mate I was so scared I stayed in my Hotel room for the both days and made up some lame excuse.

I know its hard to find a connection, all I can say, life is too short, there is no use to waiting for the perfect one. YOu are not perfect as well. Just be be honest. I hope you do not lose the passion for life as I have. Just think all the male virgins in the world had the tell the first sex partner the truth. And if the situation was reversed I believe you would wait and be sensitive to the womans needs. Good luck and apoologies for going on a bit ITS GREAT NOT TO BE ALONE!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009):

Do not think because your a virgin, you can't get a girl friend. I am a 29 year old virgin and i have lots of guys who want to be in a relationship with me, but that also want sex, so when i say i am waiting until marriage, they are understanding, but i no longer call me, but i am not giving up on love or men. Try to talk to some one you trust, like a family or a bast friend. You know what, if i knew you i date you, so don't feel down, trust me, you are not alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009):

For all the 'nice guys' out there, don't worry, girls may flirt with the bad boys, but they never marry them. I won't deny that they have an appeal initially, but that fades away. I think most women would prefer a 'good man', someone decent, polite, and considerate.

I'm a 22 year old virgin. I'm fairly attractive, smart, and funny, and I'm certain my personality turns guys off. I guess I'm pretty sarcastic and few people get my humour. My friends say I talk intelligently, which generally is a compliment, but now that I think about it, it may be another reason why I don't get asked out a lot.

I'm a little afraid that if/when I meet the right person to lose my virginity to, he'll be turned off by my incredible lack of experience. I'm really surprised that there are guys out there in the 20s who are still virgins. I wouldn't be turned off by a guy who was a virgin. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Someone, somewhere out there is your catch!

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A female reader, duckfetishgirl United States +, writes (27 August 2009):

I am 29 and a virgin. I want to wait for true love. I always get guys who want to rush me and get into my pants. I have Asperger's Syndrome which is probably part of thereason I am still a virgin. I am also a Christian and try to do the right thing. I have a strong sense of right and wrong and I want my firstkiss to be with my husband. I wonder if I should reconsider since I may be unmarried for a very long time. I thinkitis great you are waiting for someone. She is out there. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.

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A male reader, adultmale Sweden +, writes (14 August 2009):

Yep, that is exactly how I feel. This is pretty much always on my mind nowadays. I am currently on the other side of the world away from home sitting in a hotel room on a Friday night

reading the posts on the forum.

How the great have fallen!

"I have decided if I get to 30 and am still a virgin, I give up...it is just to embarrassing and too much of a burden. I will just be single and a virgin forever"

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009):

I'm a 27 year old female virgin. Apparently I look like model, but I can't get a guy. My one and only boyfriend was last year for a few months. He broke up with me cause it was "too much effort". (he had to move for work so we were 2 hours apart). But it still plays on your mind: what if I couldn't kiss properly, what if I wasn't affectionate enough, what if, what if...maybe that's why he broke up with me. We would sleep in the same bed together when we visited each other at weekends, but never have sex. I think maybe he was a virgin too. I was too scared to bring it up, I didn't know how to talk about it...

I have decided if I get to 30 and am still a virgin, I give up...it is just to embarrassing and too much of a burden. I will just be single and a virgin forever

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A male reader, adultmale Sweden +, writes (14 August 2009):

To "A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009)"

I keep checking this every now and then to see if there are new people adding to the list of shame.

My perception was that this "nice guy" syndrome or what ever we choose to classify it as is more common for guys.

Do not get me wrong I am not trying to single you out it's just a little peace of mind that there are women like this also.

This will probably come as no consolation but I wouldn't judge you about the lack of experience (wouldn't be fair, as I have none either) but I would judge you on how you are as a person.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

I've never even been kissed and I used to constantly think about it and then worry I was going to stay a virgin all my life. These days, I've decided to stay focused on university and just make friends. I was so focused on finding a partner at one stage that every single man I met- young or old, nice or, well, douchy- I would look at seriously as potential sexual partners and analyse everything they did (I'm probably crazy, yes). I got fed up with it all and feeling so desperate- it made me feel a bit like a predator and that didn't go down well for my self-esteem. It just consumed me all the time. But I slowed down and now my outlook (most of the time) is that things happen eventually- a watched pot never boils and all that. And I know the only guy I'd even consider sleeping with would have to be a friend first. The thing is, like a previous post said, I'm loveshy. I suppose I'm the equivalent of the 'nice guy'. I don't ask people out because I'm afraid they will be turned off by my interest. I guess that ties in with my self esteem but it may also tie in with my perceptions of guys, which have been influenced by some not so great experiences. For exampe, I've been asked out a few times, but I turned them down. The reason being was because I could tell all they wanted was sex. And I'm not talking about 'vibes'. One of them actually asked me if I was going to a thing called 'sexpo', a sex convention held here in Australia, as an opening line.

Of course never being kissed and never having had sex still worries me at times because I do long for a person to talk to about intimate things- everything from sex to stupid jokes. And I'm worried that if I do meet someone who I want to sleep with, he'll be turned off by a completely inexperienced little girl. I know it turned off a young guy when I was eighteen and he wanted to kiss me...am I just having bad experiences? I wouldn't get turned off by an inexperienced guy. I guess I'm kinda angry about all of our collective self doubt on this page for this reason as well.

What confuses me is that people constantly assume I have a boyfriend, and even weirder, they are always asking me advice about sex. What confuses me more is that people take advice from me (advice such as 'do what you feel is right, Mike.') It just makes me embarrassed to tell them the truth. It goes to show that none of us actually have a great big sign stapled to our heads saying 'VIRGIN- JUDGE ME'. I suppose that my fear of people knowing I am so inexperienced in something that so many people deem vital to our social growth is what get me angry as I said before. I have friends, I'm a normal person, fairly successful and not bad looking. And I think most of us on this page are pretty similar to one another. We turned out ok so is sex a big deal? I hate to say it, but deep down, I think it is, but I (obviously) don't know it yet.

Solution? I'm still working on one, but I think we all just have to be a little more brave and a little more carefree.

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A male reader, adultmale Sweden +, writes (1 August 2009):

Old post, I am bringing some life into it.

28 year old no-kiss no-date virgin.

I get horribly depressed because of it.

It's painful at times.

It's not having sex for just having sex it's more I have not developed socially and have missed out on things I personally think I should have experienced as a teenager.

I have all the other "symptoms" as may other posters here, some love shyness, social anxiety, maybe higher principles and I come from a christian background. Do not consider myself religious and whether I believe in God or not is another story, however this is the way I was raised.

All this has made me cynical and bitter and I do not like the person I have become.

There have been two women in my life and well I guess I blew it both times. I was not "man" enough they got fed up and moved on. The second time hurt a lot. I was both angry at myself and her.

Well, that is my story...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009):

I know the feeling. I am 28 years old and a virgin myself. During high school I wasn't accepted on a single date. In fact, I still have never been on one.

It burns and pains me beyond belief when I ask some female out and she declines me, but the next week she's going out with some tatted up woman-beating felon.

I myself may be intelligent, but I'm also 300 pounds (although that wasn't always the case). Regardless of what anyone says, women do indeed look at the outside and judge just as much as men do. I should know; I get it all the time, and only some fool would say that I'm making it all up.

I know the feeling of "wasted time" that comes with being someone my age and never done the deed. I know it well. It's not so much about the sex -- it's about being "caught up" with everyone else. It's about not missing out on being close with other people.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009):

It's eye-opening to read this forum. I, too, am a virgin, in my mid-30s. I knew there were a fair number of female virgins in their late 20s and 30s, but I did not expect to find so many men.

In all honesty, I don't quite know this happened to me. I'm a shy type, but I've been on plenty of dates. I had a boyfriend, briefly, in high school; we kissed and engaged in "heavy petting" but kept our clothes on. In adult life, I've experienced the sort of physical contact that is suitable for first and second dates but I've never gone beyond that. My one long-term relationship (10 months) was eerily chaste-- his choice, not mine. (We were in our early-mid 20s, and he was also a virgin.) In all these years, I've only met a few men that I wanted to go out with more than twice, and the ones I really liked just didn't seem to perceive me as a sexual being-- though all of them were fond of me.

Over the years, I have come to feel more and more that virginity is a burden. I don't think it's ruining my health or any of the other nonsense that one reads on the Web, but I do think it undermines my ability to cope with the ups and downs of life. I need the oxytocin rush that comes from being touched. I need the physiological comforts of sexual release. The crux of my problem, though, is celibacy, not virginity-- one night, or one brief fling, wouldn't fix these problems.

To all of the male virgins lamenting on this forum, I would say: let go of your insecurity about your virginity. Men vastly overestimate how attractive sexual experience is to women. What IS attractive is a man who gives you his complete attention-- someone who listens well, someone who can carry on a good conversation, someone who is responsive. These qualities evoke the promise of being good in bed. Good manners, also, very attractive-- something as simple as holding a door open for a woman or picking up something she dropped indicate that you're caring and solicitous, which is a lot more tantalizing than being a sex machine. Really.

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A male reader, GregMc Canada +, writes (16 May 2009):

I am a 28 year old virgin male. I'm funny, smart, good personality, good looking (if I do say so myself), hetero and all that but something has always stopped me from getting a girlfriend or even intimate and has put me into a relapse of depression because other people are having sex and relationships completely normally except for me. I have been searching for answers the same as you have and only now have figured out what my problem is. I read about something that put into words what is wrong with me, something I've been trying to figure out for years. This may or may not be an answer for you or anyone but here's hoping. It started with one responder on this website suggesting looking up a term called "Loveshyness". I did a google search and it came up on wikipedia which led to me looking up "Nice guy". What I discovered has floored me as to describing what I have been doing all my life. Now not all of the loveshyness article applies to me but 5 of the 6 definitions say I'm a loveshy person. I talk to women very often and flirt with them but I can't solidify a date or anything beyond friend status, and because of this my self-confidence takes a frequent hit. Now I'm going to quote someone who writes exactly what I have been doing wrong as a nice guy. (copy...paste..)

"It's not because women like jerks. Women prefer polite over rude, and attentive over distracted. The problem is the way nice guys present these positive characteristics. In order to appear friendly and romantic, these 'nice guys' think they have to turn off their sexuality. They hide their desires in order not to offend, presenting an androgynous, asexual persona. The first impression they give is one of emasculation, weakness, and lack of desire. At best, they confuse the woman as to whether they even find her attractive. That's what jerks offer women that nice guys don't: they're not afraid to be sexual." So what I discovered is I'm too much of a nice guy to a fault and never getting anywhere. I've been suppressing my desire to be with a woman, telling myself I'm going to push her away by showing interest. I'm not saying don't be a nice guy. I'm saying you need be more confident and don't hide your desires if there's a woman that you like, and to be more socially active to meet new people. Be funny, be smart, be charming, but be confident in yourself and who you are and that you can seal the deal, that you can be with that person. Have confidence in yourself and things will work out. I've been applying this to myself and I feel like I have a new outlook on life. I believe it's not too late for us and know things will happen. I hope this helps you in some way.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2009):

i am a male age 28 and i am still a virgin and it really bothers me.but i am a christian and really waiting for GOD to bring someone into my life and i feel low inside because of myself as a virgin of 28 yrs but your not alone and i didn't have much of a social life growing up myself maybe that is our problem we don't socialize enough.

GOD BLESS.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009):

Hi there. I guess my first comment is, this situation is very common. I am a fit, healthy male, 6ft 5ins tall, heterosexual, adore women, have travelled worldwide (62 countries so far) and I am still a virgin aged 50 years.

I don't know whether you will believe this, but it's true. I am not an atheist but it's not like my religious beliefs are that strong, so religion is not a barrier. I truthfully don't know if I will ever lose my virginity.

Older virgins are legion. My Auntie, who died about three years ago aged 80 or 81 (not sure which) was as far as I know a virgin when she died. Of course, I am not certain of this. However, I do know that it is a common situation. About 10% of people never have full sex in their entire lives. I have researched this.

I did an internet poll on this subject. If you go to Google and search on "Older Virgins and the Celibate Lifestyle" it will come up, and you can take the poll.

I also think that older virgins (over 40) are mostly male. This is because 95% of women get married eventually, but only 90% of men do (at least, that's true here in England). As for being a virgin in your late 20s, that's nothing! Late 50s/60s is perhaps a bit less common, but not anything to be amazed about. IT IS NOT UNUSUAL.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009):

I lost my virginity at 21. It was something I wanted to lose. He kind of thought it was a big deal to take it. It isn't. He was my first love that is why it was a big deal. The first time isn't the best sex you will ever have (probably). I think it is better to have experience before you settle down. You don't have to be in love for sex to be fun. Just be honest with people. Is it better with someone you love, yes but there is also kinky sex.I think if you wait to long it will definately make you a little crazy. My former boss was 29, religious and never been kissed. She was beautiful and mean.Think about it biologically you peak in your 20's. There are many places on-line now too to meet people. Do not just wait for her to show up. We are not in the movies. The more dates you go on the better. You don't have to even tell you are a virgin.

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A male reader, UglyFatPig  +, writes (12 February 2009):

I understand how you feel, because I'm a 27 years old male and I'm virgin too. I've never dated, never kissed and never had sex.

I fell in love 3 times in my whole life, at 12, 17 and 19. But I had my heart broken each time because of my shyness and my poor social skills. I've never got over it the last time it happened. It was so much pain that I gave up on girls and now consider myself asexual. The idea of having sex with someone disgusts me.

Actually, until recently I was still secretly dreaming of the girl of my life: a cute blonde girl who would look like an angel and would pop up in my life, she'd be asexual too and would understand me like she was my twin. We would hug each other and talk a lot. But it's just a dream, she most probably doesn't exist and I'll never meet her... And now I'm not ready even for a relationship like this.

Actually I could be considered "autosexual" as I enjoy playing with myself. I have a fat fetish and I've become fat, so I'm aroused by my own fat body. Sometimes I feel addicted to that kind of useless sexuality and I wish I would be a eunuch.

I was a cute kid, but not a handsome teenager, and now I've become ugly and fat and I'm more unattractive than ever. But I don't care. I completely gave up on love relationships. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm happy being fat and ugly. It's like a shield that protects me from further heartbreaks I wouldn't be able to stand anymore. I'm free and I don't need a partner. I don't care what people think! I don't care staying a virgin for life!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008):

Hi,

I am a 27 male virgin. Certainly this issue does affects me at times, but in reality, being a virgin or not being one, does not have any effect on my overall happiness. I have managed to engage in many things. I have a good job, a great social circle, I have studied most part of my life, I am pretty well-off financially, I'm 6,3 and considered attractive by some of my female friends. I am a leader, a very pro-active person, and many people look to me for advices.

I am not gay, not religious (I'm atheist), I'm not the "nice guy" who finishes last with girls, but I have some ethical standards that doesn't allow me to have sex with a prostitute. Personally, having sex with a prostitute is putting into action my lowest evolutionary baggage; just having sex for the sake of instant satisfaction.

Certainly, we can't have all of the things we wish in life. I see some of my friends and they engage in sex very often. This obviously gets me into thinking if I am not normal, but who is normal in this world? My issue is my lack of sexual life, other people's issues could be their lack of motivation, or their lack of social skills, etc etc.

You just need to enjoy your life with the attributes you have been given by genetics/luck. Never do to other people what you don't want other people to do to you.

I am going to be honest with my advice. You may never find the true love; in fact, soul mates doesn't exist. You just need to search for a woman who makes you feel good and has some physical attributes you consider to be handsome (because, let's face it, personality is important, but looks also). You need to search for that women who can have an interesting conversation with you.

I am in the same boat as you. I feel uncertainty about my sexual life, but I am not the kind of person who prefers the easy way out (prostitute). So I'll will just have to wait for a woman who makes me feel good, and if it doesn't happen, then I'll die as I am, with no regrets because I enjoyed my only life.

Enjoy life friend. This is the only chance we got. Sex, for the sake of it, would not make you happier. Sex with a person you care, maybe.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008):

m 27 years old virgin, i guess i am 'handsome' (my girl-friends said it, not me), and i had got enough chances to have sex but I just could not do it. the reason: i felt that sex is overrated thing if its just a sex. i never got a girlfriend. infact, i even approched a girls and became good friend of them, but when time came to lose my V card, i stepped back and one more thing, i have never even kissed any girl in my whole f*** life.

I am just waiting for a girl, who will make me feel like 18 years old kid even if i will be 50 years old...

another thing i feel is that the harder it takes to get a girl, harder its to tear apart. easily achieved is easier to lose....just wait for the right one and when u will feel 'love' (most exploited word nowdays) for someone, tell her what u feel...at max she will say no...but if she feels atleast something, she will definately not say no. important thing is to let her know what u think, give her chance to know ur feelings, girls are not psychic to read ur mind....but ya they can read ur eyes to some extent.

best of luck !

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008):

It's nice to wait for the right person to do it, but sometimes that person just does not come along. If i were still waiting for that person, I'd be a virgin at 32!. I waited for the right person for years but she and I never got together for one reason or another. I cut my losses at 25. Since I was raised in a country where prostitution is legal, I walked a couple of blocks from my house and I got my self a stripper/prostitute on my 25th birthday. I've since had sex with other women (not prostitutes) and none of them has been the right person (and i knew that right from the beginning). If I knew that I was gonna meet the right person at 30, for instance, I'd wait but...God only knows...what if it happens at 50!? So, set yourself an age limit and if it doesn't happen, you know what to do. Good Luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008):

Hi, I'm 28, and I'm still holding my V-card too. I'm not ugly or religious, but I'm totally afraid of sex, at least I'm afraid of the implications, and I'm afraid people will judge me for my lack of experience. But at the same time, I want to experience it because I feel I'm missing out on something big. Everyone else is doing it, and everyone I went to High School with already has kids, and I skipped my reunion because I didn't want it known that I am still a motherless, unmarried single. I'm not really waiting until marriage, but I need to make sure the guy I end up with doesn't treat me as a toy. Do I care if I had sex with a male virgin, NO! That's cool. Could I just get a male prostitute? Yes, but I don't want my first experience to be with a stranger, and it's not a very classy way I pictured losing my virginity. I want to experience sex, but at the same time, I'm not obsessed with losing my v-card either. I don't stalk guys. I'm living my life the way I want too. Acting desperate will only creep the guys out, or even worse, have them take advantage of me. One day the right guy will come along, and hopefully one day I will be married and have kids, but right now, I'm not letting anyone cow me into having sex if the guy isn't right. Just think positive, and don't let anyone make you feel ashamed. She'll come along.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008):

Hi there. Interesting to see so many responses to such a common problem. It is sad to see that today's society puts so much emphasis on pre-marital sex. Kids today grow up with MTV playing 24/7, sexually based advertisements all around us in print form and porn available for free online. Morals have gone down the drain for many people, including some posters here who have advocated hiring a prostitute to cure their "dilemma". Guys, WTF are you thinking???

Believe it or not there are more adult Virgin's out there than one might believe. A quick search in historical books reveals that some of the most famous people in history (Elizabeth I, Sir Isaac Newton, Nikolai Tesla, Hans Christian Anderson, Lewis Carroll, and so on.) were Virgins. Be it for religious reasons, cultural, or psychological Virgins do exist. While I am not proud to be a 29-year old Virgin I am not ashamed either. I honestly believe that I'm one due to psychological reasons. While I have never been to a shrink I have managed to live a stable, successful life filled with good friends and a loving family. I believe that for me virginity has been caused by a combination of things: low self-confidence/esteem, good morals (influenced to a great degree by Roman Catholicism), high standards (unlike some of my friends I wouldn't go for someone who didn't take care of themselves physically) and lack of trying that I have remained this way. I did go to parties, play varsity sports and try to hang out with the cool kids while in high school and college. Alas, the few times girls asked me out I was too immature to realise what they did and thought that they were being just "nice". I even remember a beautiful girl in high school on whom many of my friends & acquintances had a crush on asking me out of the blue to go out and play tennis with her right before senior prom. Mind you she did not have a date at that time and although I did meet up with her my straight answers and lack of wit turned her off so much that she suggested that the military could be good for me. I didn't understand her comment until many years later when I realised that females were somewhat different from my male friends and that creative and funny speaking skills are a must to catch one.

Looking back I was not an ugly duckling however I was not a jock or party animal either. I remember in college in social settings such as frat parties I would always come up with excuses even before the party started as to why girls would reject me. A common one was my assumption that most of them either a) already had boyfriends and were not interested or b) they were "stuck up".

Of course it didn't help that my university was 62% male due to a strong engineering program thus competition was intense. I still remember thinking that I was too skinny, pale, or self-conscious about my foreign accent so when a party was in full swing I would usually get drunk and hang out with the guys playing beer pong or billiards all night long. Even with "liquod courage" built up I would stumble with girls and was afraid of getting rejected. Heck, I was a total amateur in reading body language and still am. When girls would dance with me I assumed it was because the music was nice or they were under the influencea and soon after the song ended I would either run back to my group of buddies bragging on how hot the girl was or how she was grinding my d%$k or stand there like a geek and stare. Today I still face the same dilemma as I did 10 years ago. I go out a lot and socialize however I am not too comfortable away from my social sircle. Approaching a female takes a lot of preparation usually involving a buddy asking me to talk to one of his female friends (thus doing 50% of the work already for me) or drinkin' so much that I loose my inhibitions. During rare occasions when I do ask girls out I usually either get a neutral response or "succeed" with a phone number/e-mail which often times ends up being unanswered. Due to this I have started looking at a lot of females as being stuck up which ain't helping things in the dating department. To be honest at this point in my life I don't even care about virginity much since I've never had sex and have no idea how it would feel thus I assume I am not missing much. What I do miss is having a relationship and having someone to lean on during hard times. One's parents/family can only help so much especially when one's problems are of an embarrassing nature. To be honest I do not have a solution for your problem other than perhaps to recommend playing the game A(going out more, seeking like minded individuals on sites like meetup, online dating, etc) or seeing a psychologist. I have been doing the former but not the latter. Perhaps its time for me to change. If anyone has suggestions please help out. Regards, G.

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A female reader, Estifany United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2008):

I know this posting is really late but I just wanted to say that I too am a 27yr old virgin and at Uni. I had never been ashamed of my virginity until I met my friends in London (I am originally from Georgia, USA). They thought it was so weird that I was still a virgin and to this day are trying to get me to sleep with any guy, even though I keep refusing. At times I really wish that I wasn't a virgin just so they could leave me alone. Even my sisters wanted to get me a male prostitute for my 21st birthday. My older brother thinks its great that I am a virgin he tells me that he wishes that he had waited because it really wasn't worth it. But I just think he says that just so I won't feel bad. I don't like being a virgin but I just can't bring myself to "doing the deed" with just anyone. I'm not waiting for marriage but I do want love. Any kind of feeling for that matter besides Lust.

There were a few guys that wanted to sleep with me but I just couldn't bring myself to doing it. I grew up surrounded by siblings and friends that had sex at a very young age and ended up pregnant.(My sister at 16 and my adopted sister at 17, both around the same time. And my best friend at 18.) I was always afraid that I would end up like them, raising a child alone. Then later on I just became very wary of men, I still am. I don't like to get too close to a man although I do want a relationship. I'm just one big contradition. And I definitely don't want to get a male prostitute. I've always wanted a family eventually and now that I'm getting older (not that 27 is old) I am beginning to feel like I'm missing out on something. I've kissed a guy before (kissed the shit out of him) but I just couldn't bring myself to sleep with him. I went to a therapist and told her. She thought I was crazy (she had this incredulous look on her face, (like I had just told her a tall tale.) Then she told me that she thought that I might be afraid of SEX, of intimacy. Weird huh? Probably not. But I definitely feel better to know that there are a lot other people like me that are in my situation. I haven't lost hope. I've lived a life that some people can only dream of (without sex) and seen and done so many wonderful things (except for sex) but this is the only place in my life were I feel empty. I keep my head up and know that one day things will change when I least expect it or when I am ready.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008):

There are lots of happy endings. My husband's college roommate was a 33 year old no-kiss virgin, too shy and proud to get set up on blind dates, always chasing after uninterested women. He decided to travel the world for a few years, did a lot of the things he'd always wanted to do in life, and when he got back he suddenly met a wonderful girl. They're married now and have a baby! We're so happy for him...

Don't lose hope, guys! There are oodles of attractive single women dying to meet you (in Manhattan at least)... where have you been hiding all this time? Don't let your lack of sexual experience embarrass you-- it actually makes you more attractive (especially to women who do have some experience.)

Make friends with a bunch of women, and enlist their help in finding dates-- if you're good material, your friends will not rest until they have found you a good date.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2008):

I'm so glad to see there are others out there. I just turned 28 and I am a "super virgin." That's right i've never been kissed. I don't really know how it happened but it's not due to religious affiliation or waiting for "mr. right." I was overweight in high school and most of college which I blame. I've only told a few friends my secret but i think people are suspicious. The worst part is I am a very happy, free spirited person and am not devestated about this. I am more embarrassed but I think i've saved myself a lot of heartache. Sometimes I think i'm happier than my friends who are in relationships or sleep around. I do avoid calling guys or getting to close to any of my guy friends because i wouldn't know how to breach the subject. How do you tell someone you're 28 and never been kiss? please help.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

Firstly 27, 28 you're not old!!! plenty of young girls like older men, cos they're more like men and act less like idiotic boys! 2ndly, it's not a crucial life experiance, it's just what everyone says, and plenty of people go through life without ever having sex and they're absolutely healthy and fine, sorry I know this isn't the solution you want, but it is a solution. 3rdly who knows what will happen next? stop worrying! you can waste alot of your life by worrying, besides worrying won't help you have sex, you might get erectile disfunction (this is a medical state!) Just go with the flow, you might meet someone nice and get married and all the rest of it, but you might not, what's wrong with being a bachelor all your life anyhow? the wrong girl can end up really bad so don't force it.

Sorry about lecturing, hope you find useful consolation, and best of luck for the future!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008):

Im 27 and a complete virgin in every way, never had a girlfriend, never kissed, never even been on a date, no i'm not gay, but I do belive in loving only one person and want to find the right girl only problem is you concentrate on education, then your degree and then first job, try and get sortted with the usuals house, car, starting your own business etc. before you know if you hit 27 with V-Plates in every direction, i'm not unconfident, fat, ugly, not have friends or boring for god sake I can fly a plane what a first date that could be a romantic flight and dinner in another country!! Only thing is its the age old problem where do you find a nice wife who will love you as much as you want to love them but without getting it wrong 10 or a 100 times first. I should just take a risk but i'm to much of a one girl romantic at heart, only danger is that you wait too long anyway if thier are any total virgins who fancy the ultimate movie style first date and happily ever after - hope one day we meet before we are old and crinkly

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008):

i am not so reliefed until I read your post and the others. I'm too a 27 year old virgin and it's really becoming an issue on me, as it's harder for me to meet the right person as i got older and I HATE casual dating either!

part of the reason is that when I was 18, i had a huge crush on some girl from my highschool and i thoguht she was "the one", and I've waited and waited for all these years by rejecting lots of other girls who showed affection to me. noentheless, until last year, i found myself being engulfed in my own fantasy and the truth is that the girl I've been waited wasn't even interested in me at all!

that's true, it's great if u can find the Mrs right, but what if such a person never show up? that's the biggest dillema i currently encournter...

i still disaprove casual sexual encoutners with someone who u don't love, and people thought that i'm a pervert even someone started to doubt my sexual orientation, heck!

I think it's pretty tough to live being an "old" virgin nowadays. people generally don't have much moral left.

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A female reader, Fiona xxx United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2008):

Fiona xxx agony auntI am wondering if it is love, rather than sex you are looking for.

Don't worry about it, we all have different life experiences.

Leave it for a nice girlfriend, not a prostitute.

It will be fine.

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A male reader, macmichael United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2008):

when you are bad with women the longer you are bad with them the worse and harder it is to be good with women, and also the more important it is to be good with them. its a visious circle, im guessing you dont have any friends who are good with women, but if you do, just copy what they do.

just buy a prostitute i did at 27 and although i stell feel depresively loanly i still feel a lot better, the emphasis women put on men for men to be able to pull and get women is so high that your inexperience will show through and you wownt get any girs,

but if you get a prosie and start getting quite a few then you can start to get experience with women and this shows through and hey presto they think your good and experienced and you will get a nice girl.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

Hey Man... I understand how it feels to be isolated by this. I'm 27, almost 28. I too am in university, having actually returned after a few years out. I am in medicine, and sometimes I look around the lecture hall and think that I'm the only one. I wonder if they know. It makes me self conscious. My classmates are younger and very promisuous. It kinda turns me off to hear the way they treat it. It seems so cheap. I have been waiting for the one... And hoping she's been waiting for me, but as it is starting to affect my consciousness more and more I am debating the wisdom there.

Is she really out there? I don't know. I just left a good girl because I couldn't deal with her not being on the same page as me, so to speak.

If she's out there and really waiting, it will be worth it for sure. But I am getting further and further out on this limb, and wondering if it's even feasible... that's what made me do this google search. How do you find a like minded woman, without actually advertising what seems to be an embarassing trait? I don't know.

Good luck man. All I can say is hang in there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008):

I am 29 and still a virgin. I can feel your pain. I too feel like I am very inexperienced with the opposite sex. My idea of how to approach guys feels very immature. As you get older things just get harder with work and other things in the way. Before you know it your 30 and still alone. I've been trying that whole speed dating thing. You don't have much time to feel self conscience about yourself when you have less that 5 min to date someone. Perhaps that can help you.

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A female reader, cuteblonde124 United States +, writes (9 April 2008):

cuteblonde124 agony auntTo tell you the truth a lot of girls like the innocent cute guys, and just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you're not good. Also that means you won't be so judgemental - a number one fear girls have is a guy judging her in a bad way. They will apriciate that.

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A male reader, teenagewasteland India +, writes (8 April 2008):

I am 23 years old and I have never had sex.I feel it is a part of my life that is incomplete and it is only my dreams and those escapades of days untold that I truly see and feel and experience.I've been with a few girls but never quite...I don't know if what I have is a mental illness but I feel if I don't quite get rid of my problem, it will affect me in ways unknown. I know just like most things, once you do it, you think, Oh so that's it, yeah...but then white can also be a lonely colour sometimes.

If I could suggest something for people seeking companionship, I'd say the answer is to find yourself and that's not something a book would do. If asked how I truly found myself, I wouldn't know how to put it. I often lie about how I had sex a few months back and I never lie but this lie really strikes home a bad bad kick. As a result of this, I avoid pornography. I'm not alone and there is a girl for me. She is waiting. In 100 days from now, things will be different. I'm waiting too.

When I read all your columns, I thought I'd write a lot, write a lot of sense but I'm just touched and humbled. Thankyou for reading.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008):

I am actually really glad you posted this question. I'm 25 and still hold my V-card as my friends and I call it. But like you it isn't necessarily by choice, but it is an issue that causes me great distress.

I don't know what has caused me to hold onto my virginity for so long, I'm not religious or anything like that. I think early on it was due to my lack of self-esteem and idealistic views on love. Then as the years went on it only got worse, and more embarrassing to admit. Now I'm at a point where I try and avoid getting close to anyone for fear of having to reveal to them that I am a virgin. I can't seem to get over feeling embarrassed by my virginity instead of embracing it, and that hasn't helped my esteem issues any.

Now that I'm out of school I feel like I've also become more and more reclusive, which only makes me feel like my chances for losing my virginity are drifting further and further away. It also doesn't help that I also live in a college town and constantly hear about the promiscuity of others. If not just from my roommate, who happens to be my younger sister, who is not a virgin. That as you can imagine only makes me feel even worse about my situation and out of place.

I must admit that am happy to read your story, and those of people who have replied because they let me know that I'm not out here alone...

As for your story, I would say hold onto hope... Go out more if you can find the places. My friend who was only up until recently a virgin as well, had an amazing chain of life changing events happen to her in a short span of 2 months. So you never know. The girl for you could be right around the corner.. and no I don't necessarily mean at a corner. :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008):

Hi. I'm 29, and decided to end my virginity by going to an escort:

Why?

1.- I'm not religious.

2.- I have ADD (attention deficit disorder), which doesn't allow me to pay attention to a lot of thing at the same time, and it is very difficult to find intimacy in myself even if I dream with it.

3.- I do look for love now, not for sex, hell I don't even care if my prospective GF is ugly, I just want to learn how to share my feelings, without getting nervous, or act as an insecure guy.

4.- But sex is always on my head and body (it is normal for everyone), so besides the anxiety for being in love, I have anxiety for not knowing what to do, so my plan is: Have enough money for 2 or 3 escort sessions with "girlfriend experience" (kissing and chatting) included. I guess I'll feel comfortable after them, or at least I won't have the same degree of fear as now.

5.- After that I'll focus in socializing and intimacy, I have to learn many things on the road so I don't plan to get a GF asap, it will take time to know me better, to like me more (I'm not ugly). But I'll force myself to do it.

6.- I know women will think I'm a loser, I don't blame them. But I'm not a bad guy, it just that my anxieties are killing me, so I have to combine my therapy with real life experience. My therapist suggested a sexual surrogate, a person that is really interested in helping you with your sexual and intimacy issues, but they are far too expensive and takes many, many sessions. I'm also very far away from them, and I have little money.

7.- So, I want to concentrate in love, friendship, intimacy, but I have mental issues just because of relationships, besides that I do sports have friends, that are constantly putting pressure on my asking me when the hell I'll find out a GF, or if I'm gay, which I'm 100% sure not.

8.- My problem was a lack of intimacy at home (both parents worked the whole day), and being in a catholic school and university for all my life. But I don't blame them, at this point I'm old enough to take charge of my life and to take the decisions that will change my life. I'm not even religious anymore. People who are religious have pro's and cons, the pro is that, god is with them and they can find happiness in god, the bad part is that they can stay like that for decades and when the moment of procreation arrives, they'll have problems with having orgasms or even with parenting, cause in order top have an healthy relation you need to know what to do and to be sure about it, they don't teach you in the school how to have sex and how to be a good partner, and you learn that by experience, at lest the vast majority of people and psychologist will tell you that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

I'm from the UK too. I'm in my 40's and until last week, a virgin too. I am not particularly religious, but I suppose when I was younger I didn't want the relationship thing, because there were other things in life I wanted more. The funny thing is, all that time went by and it never affected me psychologically at all. Then, out of the blue, six months ago, bang! - it really hit home what I was. No one else knew or does know. I get along fine with everyone - except I had this terrible secret. I thought about it long and hard and read many message boards like this one.

I finally decided that 'waiting for the right person' is a joke - the truth is they may never come. In this life, you either do things or you don't. It's that easy. There is no special rules or formulas. A few years ago, waiting for the right person possibly just about made sense if that's what you want. However, there comes a point when denying yourself

things only does you harm - no one else. So, I went to a escort and the truth is, it was the best thing I could have done. She was great - I now have confidence where there was absolutely none before.

Psychologically, I don't feel ashamed at all - it has helped me tremendously. One day soon I will find someone, and I'm not going to feel embarrassed - and to hell with all this being truthful rubbish. I'm not a virgin anymore full stop. I don't need to tell anyone how I came to not be one. Do you think everyone else is truthful to a fault? Yeah, right. If you really want rid of this horrible curse - and that is what it can become for some people, though not everyone, then see an escort, preferably not someone off the street.

Losing my virginity was, for me, a lovely experience - no regrets at all. Some people are in relationships and the first time is still not great. If it is affecting you like you say - don't wait. There is no point.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008):

i am a 27 y/o virgin male from america. yr right it sucks and i had the opportunity to "make stains" with more friends who were girls then girlfriends. but i always thought it more along the lines of lust, a temporary escape = not true love. though i am spiritual i wouldn't exactly call myself religious. i just keep thinking on giving one woman a gift that very few men in this age can, i think on having a child and realizing that this girl/boy is some prototype for the future. i just have this gut feeling that one day i will see she and she i and thats it. being shy in college made me realize that i have past one up that i felt was it, now (at least i hope) i will realize that you have to go after what you know is true, for not taking the chance can be bigger than being denied... good luck all yr not alone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008):

Hi, I'm also from the UK and also a virgin at the age of 29. I do have a couple of mates my age who are still virgins too, but really we don't talk about it. I have other mates my age who are certainly not virgins. Then I also have mates my age who aren't virgins, but have not had any sex for many years (since university for example).

I am not an ugly guy (I have "pulled" good looking girls in clubs and bars and I know girls actually think I'm handsome). I know full well that my problem stems from my attitude and my priorities in life. I had the opportunity to lose my virginity when I was 19/20 with a pretty attractive 17/18 year old girl who I had dated and who had fancied the absolute pants off me for 3 years straight (and everybody knew it). We were in bed, we had got to the fumbling and oral sex stage, then i simply lost all desire to go any further. I felt uncomfortable as hell with the whole situation and basically just left the room. I'm sure I upset the girl a lot (though we are still friends to this day). I simply can't explain why I did that, it bugs me to this day and a big part of me regrets the decision. I really haven't had any romantic encounters with a girl since. Oh, and I am definitely NOT gay.

I don't know what the answer is for me, but I don't get too hung up on it. Maybe something will just happen one day, I've always thought that maybe I'm supposed to meet somebody when I'm older rather than younger.

Keep your chin up, don't stress, you aren't alone and you never will be.

cheers

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008):

Hi TG, I don't know whether you're still in the same predicament or not, but I know more or less exactly what your going through. I'm 27 soon and I'm still a virgin! and no, I'm not a religious nut! and I don't resemble Quasimodo. I've never actually had any kind of relationship with a woman, not even a kiss! I put my own problems mostly down to having a bad self-image and low self-confidence. It was particularly bad in my teenage years where I gradually withdrew into my own little world and hardly socialised at all. Consequently I find it very difficult to talk to women and it doesn't help being painfully shy. This affliction/condition whatever you call it, really has screwed up all parts of my life. Now it's easy for some people to say 'oh you shouldn't let it' but if it's the one thing you most desire(and I'm talking about a relationship with another girl not just the sex!) then it's very difficult. The best explanation I've found on the net was a term called 'Love-Shyness' look it up it may help, and remember you're definitely not alone!

If you want to e-mail me leave me your e-mail address and I'll get back to you.

Take care.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008):

Don't worry about it, there are a lot of folks in their late 20's and so on who are virgins or just chose not to really make sex something they couldn't live without. And I do mean a lot because just by being nosey here on these sites I've come across a lot of them, but also I know some people who will screw anything with two legs and others who prefer to live life fully and not just through sexual encounters. I've come across a lot of people who were like me where they chose to wait for relations just for the sake of it, to be different and because they had other plans or responsibilities in life first(in my case too much responsibility starting from my teens until my 20's, but again I chose to wait untill whenever anyway). Another thing to realize is that a lot of people do lie about their sex lives or that they've had sex at all, I knew of a few.

In my own case trust me when I say I've had a lot of women throw themselves at me, but it was just never a big deal to me and now that I'm doing the relations thing it's just normal, since I chose it this way. The millions of compliments are cool and all, but they don't really sway me one way or the other, since I don't let compliments get to my head at all. If you have low self esteem then the thing to do is find a way to gain some confidence, just do not act over-confident, I've seen plenty of fine as hell women walk away from countless men because of that, makes me laugh. In the case of women it's difficult to say since I'm male and although I'm not one of those jerks I do know that some guys are willing to say anything to get in your pants, so be confident, just be carefull who you let into your 'space'. At the same time some women will just pay attention to you if something strikes them whether it be the looks, your being well dressed, smelling nice, being built, deep voice, being tall or some other thing, because I've had women come onto me for all of those reasons or for reasons I have no clue of, since I usually get attention regardless of what I do or whether I want it or not. Or vise versa for women if he is a good man and not a jerk. Just be confident, self-assured, stay motivated and keep in mind that you really never know what a person may end up being attracted to you for, it's just a matter of presenting yourself how you want to and the confidence thing, the rest just happens.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007):

Mate...I'm a 27yr old virgin male and Im not ugly or rancid looking so I totally get where you're coming from. The trouble with my life is that it seems to be more circumstantial that nothing's happened between me and a woman. It gets me down at times too, because I keeping thinking - how am I going to meet someone? when, where...

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A male reader, foxtrot United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2007):

Reply to TG

I'm a 66 year old man with Asperger's syndrome. I had never heard of it until I was 57, but it has wrecked my social life completely.

I have only had one relationship in my life, which was when I was 30, and that only lasted three months.

When I was 24 I was still a virgin. An older colleague at work sensed this and tried to help. He had been in the RAF and had a young and beautiful wife and a great personality. I saw him as an ideal role model.

At first we went to a few parties and social events, but I was like a fish out of water when it came to meeting new people.

Realising I was a hard case, his wife suggested that I should go to a brothel. I did the next time I was on holiday in France, and thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. I have never looked back!

Often there is quite an affinity between people with Asperger's syndrome and the prostitutes they visit, because the each fulfils the other's needs, and both are outside the normal dating/relationship scenario.

And yes, they're both in a minority, but so what?

If you write to an agony aunt, as I have, they will tell you to expand your circle of friends by joining sports clubs, language classes, pottery classes, etcetera. I've tried all that but it it was no help at all when it came to dating. An agony aunt will NEVER tell anyone to go to a brothel.

So, TG, I think you're going to have to loosen up a bit and shed a few of your strict moral values unless you want to remain a virgin. Sex is supposed to be fun, not a burden! Your 'understanding' friend was like mine - right!

If you decide against that, you might eventually succeed in forming the sort of full-on relationship you say you want, but I couldn't guess how old you'll be by then.

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A female reader, gettnstartd New Zealand +, writes (17 November 2007):

hey there....i too am a virgin...and at 26 i think about losing "it" to any random tom, dick or harry....before i wasnt worried bout it, but now i see other gurls from my high school year gettn married and having kids and i cant even get a boyfriend??!?! I guess im a late starter to the game, an only now am i gettin REALLY interested in guys...its not that i was gay or anything...its just that I was never that into guys during high school or thereafter....until now...Ive had guys approach me particularly in the clubbin scene...but u know they were usually after one thing....judged by how close they danced to you....but yea, after reading all the comments i'll have to agree about the 'socialize more' part...as an ex-wallflower (a work in progress)....i think i will definitely take up the opportunities given to me weneva im invited to meet other potentials or hopefuls (fingers r still crossed)...maybe you will too...:)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2007):

Hi i think the guy who suggested the behaviol thing is gooding, dont take notice of any woman (and some men) when they say someone will come,justn hang in there because the sad fact that i (27yr old virgin) and im sure you are well aware of is simply if you are bad with women you wownt get. Its not nice but you have to get confidence if you want a girl and being shy just wownt do if it did and being nice worked why are all those people find it so hard to get women.

Its not nice and dont expect miracles when you try talking to women (some will be very rude, especially if obviously underconfident) also try not to appear too desperate because women hate that! your gonna have to get confident.

its true most women (if honest) donbt like a guy who is late in viginity, even my poor mum had to admit this.

I think unless you are prepared to be loanly or just wait for a girl to be tired of sleepin arround (and even then you prob wownt keep her when she realizes low self esteem.

You have to get more confident lets face it look at all the confident guys who fall in love then look at all the underconfident guys like you and i who have had none EVER EVER its sad but true.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007):

I am a 27 year old virgin (girl) and I understand your feelings about missing out on a part of life. I am a born again christian and am a virgin by choice, believing sex is for marriage only. But sometimes I do feel the biological clock ticking, and think about what I am missing, etc. The best advice I can give is make yourself available...like go to parties, church if you are spiritual, get out a lot and that may improve your chances of meeting that special girl.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

Dude, my girlfriend lost her virginity at 27, and yes I was the one who was "granted" that opportunity. I will tell you this, she too was VERY hung up on morals, values, and "doing the right thing". But the biggest issue she is learning to work with is learing how to make up her own mind about what is right and wrong, and stop being so JUDGEMENTAL. My guess is you came from a stong religious background, and probably think that God, and others are judging your every move, which leads to how much you irrationally judge yourself. Life, more than anything, is about learning, and you learn by doing, experiencing. You have been given a great gift...life. LIVE IT! Taste the fruits here, then make your own decisions. You can have sex with someone, and still find the love of your life. Believe me, when you find her, you will be moved like never before when you two have sex/make love. I've been with many women in my time, and nothing compares to what I experience on a physical and emotional level with my current girlfriend, soon to be fiance and wife. Relax, stop judging yourself and the world. Make a few friends, have some fun, experience the natural things life has to offer. My belief is that we will be judged not by how timidly we followed what others said was right, but how brave we were in finding out for ourselves. Good luck my friend.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007):

I think you're thinking about it too much. Consequently, you're probably going to try too hard to get a girlfriend. Women don't really like this sort of behavior as it seems desperate. Just take it easy and just don't think of losing your virginity down the road when you're talking to woman. Just let things flow and just focus on interesting conversation (their is chemistry involved), and most importantly...be yourself. You'll notice that things will sort of fall into place on their own.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007):

Hi there I kind of understand your situation am a 29 year old virgin but girl, it seems hard to find a right guy to go out with since most people our age are expecting a more intimate relationship and that is something I can´t offer from a start, sometimes I think boys who go out with me are just curious about me beeing a virgin and I feel somekind of pressure against me to have sex and somehow I got cought in this circle and at the time am planing to brake up with my boyfriend because of this Idon´t feel so sure about him anymore he has chanded his way of beeing since he found out I was still a virgin, so I kind of understand what you are feeling, what can I say just find a real girl who really loves you and specially someoneone you can talk openly about it , if she really loves she will understand and guide you and little by little you will learn together how to satisfy each other

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A male reader, TG United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2007):

TG is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Reply to xAngeliquex; Are you sure that girls would want to be with a 28 year old virgin, who has no sexual experience? According to everyone I know, girls prefer guys with experience between the sheets! How on earth can I tell a girl that I am a virgin at my age? She''ll burst out in laughter. Word will soon get around that I am still a virgin and I'll be the local laughing stock. I hope I am wrong, but the only type of girls who like male virgins are those with a strong religious background and countryside girls with a traditional outlook on life.....not modern,city girls! If I was 18 or 20 even, it would not be so bad, since many girls of the age of 18-20 have little or no sexual experience (correct me if I am wrong).

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A male reader, TG United Kingdom +, writes (17 September 2007):

TG is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thankyou for your replies. Any more advice would be greatly appreciated. Should I see my GP and ask her to refer me to a psychosexual therapist who could explore the reasons why I am in my situation? What can I do yo change my situation?

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A female reader, misscandy United Kingdom +, writes (16 September 2007):

There is sex on 3 levels..

First(BODY) when people shag: which is just for the gratification of physical pleasure. People chat, meet and shag without much love involved.

Second (MIND) when people make love with someone whom they love. Which is better than any shag.

Third (BODY, MIND & SOUL): This is love making, with someone whom your are in love with, the right person. There is an explosion when you make love. When you look into your lover's eye and it melts you. It satisfies your body, touches your heart and caresses your soul. There is no other feelings like this..it is the greatest. :)

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A male reader, TG United Kingdom +, writes (16 September 2007):

TG is verified as being by the original poster of the question

My reply to 'anonymous': Yes, sex between two partners in a relationship is fun; there's nothing wrong with that. But, I find casual sex (a 'shag') distasteful, immoral and perverted. You say that sex is a deep form of communication. Between partners in a relationship, yes I'd agree.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

Sex is a deep form of communication, you don't just have to have a long philosophical conversation with someone, you can also have a quick chat. If sex is a celebration of life, then its all most wrong not to have the odd "quick shag". Sex is supposed to be fun as well.

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A male reader, TG United Kingdom +, writes (16 September 2007):

TG is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanx for your replies.

In fact, I am not a 28 year old virgin by choice, its just that I am shy and nervous around attractive girls. I do'nt know how to speak to them or how to initiate a conversation. Im not dumb or ugly, either. In fact, I am nervous and self-conscious around groups of people- male or female. For this reason, I hardly ever go out on the town. I was wondering whether I have Asperger's syndrome, but I do'nt think so.

Some time back, a group of women in the street literally asked me if I wanted to have sex (a 'shag') with them (they must have been desperate), but that's just wrong and I simply ignored them. My friends (and I have very few of them- I am not 'one of the lads', so-to-speak)can't understand why I turned them down, but I guess that their moral standards are much lower than mine. I am bewildered by the number of people these days who engage in casual sex (the UK slang term for this is 'having a shag')with complete strangers.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2007):

Your not the only one experiencing problems coping with this, and to be honest there are so few people out there that truly understand what your going through, trust me at 31 I know how tough it is and how it effects every aspect of your life. I'm also finding out how little support there is out there for people in our situation, and it seems there are a lot more of us than you think.

The only advice I can give you that helped me is to tell your GP you would like to see a cognitive behavioral theorist, they will help you to start managing your feelings so you can get control back. Apart from that there's nothing I can say that you haven't been told a 1000 times before. Just hang in there dude, no matter what happens in life, you still never know who's waiting around the next corner.

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A female reader, misscandy United Kingdom +, writes (15 September 2007):

I think you're one hell of a jewel because you don't want to have sex for the sake of it. These days, people sleep around and 'making love' is very rare. I do understand your situation and the emotions you feel. Girls would love to be with a guy like you, since it is so rare to have anyone with such morals and values.

As a suggestion, Socialize more and meet more people to increase your chance of meeting someone you love. People loose their virginity with just anyone, you are lucky you have saved it for someone very special.

Hopefully you will find someone very special soon. Goodluck:)

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A female reader, xAngeliquex United Kingdom +, writes (15 September 2007):

xAngeliquex agony auntAwww hun..I understand why you must feel as if you're kinda missing out on things. Most people do lose their virginity around late teens-early 20's I'm guessing, but just because you haven't, doesn't make you weird or anything, so don't think it does. Can I ask, is there any reason that you've decided to wait this long?

There's nothing wrong with being a 28y.o virgin I'd say, as we're all individuals and a time when one feels they are ready may not be the case for the next person. Just aslong as the need for you to lose your virginity isn't being influenced by anyone else, for example, the media, friends, or anyone like that.

And plus, age is nothing but a number hun. My dad was 29 when he married my then 18 y.o mother, and they're still very much in love.

So just expand your horizons. Don't make sex your main goal in life, as losing your 'V' is over so quickly it's unreal!Just..concentrate on looking for mrs right. You want it to be memorable, so prostitutes wouldn't be the way to go, as you've already established. If you don't feel anyone is right for you at University, go out with friends on the town [how romantic], and meet girls. Make sure your confidence shines through, and be laid back aswell as that is attractive.

Don't feel that just because you haven't had sex yet, that no one will ever love you & you're gonna die alone because you know it isn't the case! You could meet her tomorrow, next week..who's to say?

Hope I helped a little.. x

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A male reader, Chris060690 United States +, writes (15 September 2007):

dude i know you are 28 dont feel old you are young still besides woman like older guys u should just try talk to some invite her on dates then if it comes out to be a ncie relationship it will be dont try TOO MUCHH!! because trying too much messes it up just act in a good way i would say and try be funny works for me not that funny and always give a sign that u like them or else theyre gonna take u as their best friend and will not be able to see you in other way same thing happened to one of my best friends he has never had a gf or never kissed before a girl and he is 18 so i am guiding him because i am all the opposite it seems hes getting it and now he is going on dates with this girl all u need its to not be scared!!

and believe me theres a girl for everyone!!

youre still young youve got time!!

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