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I'm a 20yr old male virgin, am I weird?

Tagged as: Dating, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 20 September 2009)
A male Australia age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hi, would this make people think i'm weird. i'm 20, about to turn 21, and basically i have had no experience with intimacy. Like i've never even kissed anyone intimately, let alone had sex. I've been kissed but thats when i was heaps younger, and it was always a surprise i didn't know how to react.

I have a friend who i've liked for ages, she told me she likes me, I thought that something was going to happen. But it's complicated, I mean something still could happen between us, it's just looking unlikely atm. Anyway I told her everything, as we have been friends for ages. She thought it was a good thing that i was a virgin, a little surprised i had never kissed anyone, but said she wished she was me, with all the experience she had had. This really took me by surprise that this really awesome attractive girl thought i was hot.

My question is would anyone else find this so accepting? I mean I'd think if i told someone else they would think i'm a loser or something, and that would wreck any chance of a relationship. I'm just so shy, am i normal?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009):

When I found your story, I had to register in order to share my thoughts about it. I'm 19 years old going on 20 and I talked to a girl about 2 days ago on myspace who was interested in me and I had to turn her down because she was not a virgin and I still was. I told her that we could be friends...and I now regret it because it doesn't matter if your a virgin or not. What truly matters is whats inside each others heart and I finally realize that now. I plan to meet her one day...and I hope I find the answers I'm looking for also. Until then, be happy for who you are. For what you are and don't let people get in the way of yourself. You are beautiful person. Not because your still a virgin, but rather because your a human being who's looking to do the right thing in life and wait until you find the right one.

Thank You

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008):

I dont think so my boyfriend is too it is just something he doesnt believe is extremely important in relationships and people actually respect that but dont get me wrong he gets teased too but if that is all he has too deal with he is ok with that

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008):

I wish there were more people like you around! I've just turned 21 and am in a similar situation to you. I don't see any need for any rush - and life is far too short for regrets!

The way I see sex, is that it should be something sacred between two people - the same two people - throughout life. In order for this work to work it also has to be the right person. For me the right person is somemone with whom you share a mutual love and respect. I find it very difficult to have respect for somebody who has been party to trivial involvement. So peer pressure tells us that the more boyfreinds/girlfriends we've had the better a person we must be - rubbish!

I say all power to you, and if somebody finds you a loser or not normal, that's their problem and not yours.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008):

My boyfriend was apparently 21 when he lost his virginity - I admire him very much for waiting for a meaningful relationship. I lost mine at 15 and regret it.

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A female reader, Annalisa United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2008):

Annalisa agony auntIt's like saying "I am intelligent and I can speak well, but I've never had a deep conversation, am I normal?"

Yes, you are. You just haven't found the one who inspires you! As long as you are happy with yourself and enjoy life, there is no need to be shy. You might find it easyer if you met potential partners through friends or through mutual interests. If someone likes you enough to sleep with you, they won't like you any less if you said you're a virgin!

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A male reader, dapone 1 United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2008):

dapone 1 agony auntNo you are not weird,it is your shyness which is holding you back,because you are a virgin it is a rare thing these days you should be proud of yourself.

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A female reader, scythe Australia + , writes (5 February 2008):

scythe agony aunthey there,

i think it's awesome too. there is absolutely nothing wrong with not having many intimate experiences. if you feel this may cause problems in a relationship, simply inform your partner of your history and then work from there. have fun learning :)

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A male reader, tommy2k7 United Kingdom +, writes (5 February 2008):

tommy2k7 agony auntMate, I'm 28, and still a virgin. If a girl really likes you, then gets to know you, and you don't rush, she wont pressure you into it; in fact, she'll admire you more for waiting for the right person.

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