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I'm 6 mths pregnant and I hate what's inside of me, what do I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pregnancy, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 June 2008) 14 Answers - (Newest, 27 June 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

im 17 and 6 month pregnant i dont feel i love this child i hate whats inside of me what do i do

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008):

DO NOT RUSH INTO ADOPTION!

This sounds to me like you have other issues and PRE-natal depression is something that ISN'T talked about enough. Speak to your midwife, or a counsellor about your feelings but get some kind of help, please. I know that we are all supposed to feel wonderful when pregnant, that we are supposed to glow from within, etc, but some women don't. This is a life changing experience that you are going through right now, with hormones a-poppin', people treating you differently and heaven knows what other things happening in your life. Get yourself some real professional support both DURING and AFTER your pregnancy and see how you feel after the baby is born. Please don't rush into adoption straight after the birth because if this is down to pre/post natal depression you could end up with even more regrets.

Adoption is a wonderfully selfless thing to do, but ONLY if done in the right circumstances, in the right frame of mind and after you have explored all your options with the correct professional medical and emotional guidance. If, after having got help both pre AND post birth you decide to go with the option of adoption then it must be because that is a decision that you have come to for yourself through non-judgemental counselling, not because people here have told you to do it, or family or friends have said it will be for the best, or even if you find that having a baby is the most demanding thing you will ever do, because whatever route you choose, whether to raise the baby yourself or give it up for adoption, it will change your life forever.

I know that you are scared, hun, I know what is happening to you is freaking you out, but I hope that you are able to get the help and make whatever decision is right for you.

Much love to you xxx

PS: a thought has just occurred to me - if you really hated your baby, you wouldn't have come on here and expressed your fears to us, you would have just carried on doing what ever you wanted and put the child up for adoption without a thought. The fact that you have come to us for advice suggests that deep down inside, past all the fear, hormones and confusion, there IS love within you for your unborn child, not hate - take comfort in that. Maybe all you need is a way of coping with everything else that is pushing into your life right now to allow that love to blossom into the open. Best of luck to you sweetheart, and I hope that things get better for you. xxx

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A male reader, oldfool Australia +, writes (27 June 2008):

oldfool agony auntLook into the options, but wait till the little fellow/girl pops out before you do anything. You might find yourself loving it after all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008):

I don't know the circumstances of where and how you got pregnant; if this unborn baby was conceived with love or if you were raped; however all these mtters can have an influence on how you are feeling right now; there are lots of other factors; as LazyGuy also explained to you , your hormones etc; you are still very young and I have empathy with you; I have seen many mothers to be going trhough "mood swings" and suffering with depression"; specially if they were unsettled or uncertain about the future;

I agree with the postings that suggested you discuss this with your doctor or midwife; but if you don't feel comfortable talking to them about all this; I suggest find a counsellor or theraptist to help you deal with the emotional issues;

Always remember, You are special; and that little unborn baby is just as special;

Be strong; take care of your health;

Keep us posted.

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (26 June 2008):

LazyGuy agony auntSigh, lot of bad advice.

Okay, this is rarely talked about but lots of women feel this way. I am more familiar with post-natal depression but the reasons behind it are pretty much the same.

Your hormones are a mess, your body is no longer your own, your life is being turned upside down and some react to that by hating either the baby or their partner who caused them to be like this.

You should talk to your gynecologists/midwife/doctor about this, whoever is assisting you medically at the moment. Just say honestly how you are feeling, it is not uncommon although I only know that it exists not how to deal with it.

In the Netherlands they currently got a radio commercial going that goes something like this "A cute baby boy, ten small toes, a full head of hear, my husband doting on me, my family praising me. I should be having the time of my life. Why ain't I" and then a voice over telling about post-natal depression.

It is hidden because the media always shows pregnant women with a glow and young mothers in pure bliss and that just ain't always the case.

Don't be ashamed, it ain't just you and with proper care it can be dealt with. Just talk to a medical professional and ask for help.

Ignore all those who suggest adoption/abortion, you are having a mental disease at the moment, a depression. They can be cured, it doesn't mean you are an unfit mother, just that you are human.

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A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (25 June 2008):

DrPsych agony auntI cannot believe people posting 'Give up your baby'...please ignore those comments as they are outrageous. You are very young and you have had the courage to go through with a pregnancy which is a big step. You probably feel very afraid or anxious about how good you will be as a parent or how the baby will be. This is perhaps why you think you don't love your child and your hormones are on a roller-coaster at the moment so it is natural to feel emotional and confused. It is a whole different situation when you are actually holding a newborn baby - I had trouble equating my pregnancy bump with the beautiful baby that eventually popped out. I cannot explain to you that feeling of first holding your baby - it is amazing. Babies are very hard work though and you need support either from friends, family or professionals. Screaming babies at 3am can test the patience of a saint and you need a break from motherhood from time to time i.e. ME time.

You should tell your midwife about your concerns now as they can implement special help for you to bond with your child. Don't feel ashamed to ask for help because midwives are experienced at dealing with women who have all sorts of emotions in pregnancy.

Health visitors can put you in touch with other teen mothers and monitor you for post-natal depression. There are loads of services for teen mothers in the UK and you won't feel so isolated if you get some help now. I wish you luck!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

My own opinion would be to see if your feelings change once you have had the baby. If not, then I would suggest looking into the possibility of having the baby adopted. I would suggest that you see your GP/midwife to discuss your thoughts with them.

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A female reader, babewithbrains United Kingdom +, writes (25 June 2008):

babewithbrains agony auntIf you don't feel ready for an abortion or if it's too late, then you you should contact adoption agentcies, and make sure you know the procedure.

Jelly

If you can't love the baby, then the baby won't know how to love, and what life is that?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

adoption is not the only answer for the child, consulting the g.p and talking about it he will either diagnose u as having post natal depression or they will give you some options.

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A female reader, M! United States +, writes (25 June 2008):

M! agony auntfind your baby a family who WILL love him/her.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States + , writes (25 June 2008):

Tisha-1 agony auntSorry to hear that you're so unhappy. I think Diovan's idea about telling your doctor is a good one; they can help refer you to someone so you can talk about it. Another option is to contact Childline.

Childline-a very child-friendly website.

Childline deal with all sorts of problems involving kids. Quote from their website:

”You can talk to ChildLine about anything - no problem is too big or too small.

"If you are feeling scared or out of control or just want to talk to someone you can call ChildLine.

"Some of the things that people phone about are feeling lonely or unloved, worries about their future, problems about school, bullying, drugs, pregnancy, HIV and AIDS, physical and sexual abuse, running away and concerns about parents, brothers, sisters and friends, and crimes against them.

"Whatever your worry, large or small, we're here to offer advice and support. When you are ready. “

Call ChildLine on 0800 1111.

www.childline.org.uk

You can call them and talk with the counselors there who can help you work through what you can do to feel better.

Hope you feel better very soon.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

Give your baby to a loving family, that will love him and spoil him rotten. Please make the right decision for this child. My prayers are with you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008):

I don't know why you feel like this either, but if you do you need to talk to somebody. Contact your antenatal clinic or GP and explain to them how you feel. Your not wrong to feel like this, it's the way you feel. Talk to somebody who can provide you with information about the options available to you at this late stage.

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A male reader, StudentOfLife Canada +, writes (25 June 2008):

StudentOfLife agony auntPut him in adoption when he's out so a family could love him like he deserves.

I don't know what happened, but he must represent something bad if you don't want him ... sorry to hear.

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A female reader, goodiea United Kingdom +, writes (25 June 2008):

if you have decided to have the baby then it part of you and 0nly you and your future and you want the best for your future. then going to make it the best future for you and your baby.

or if its too late to get rid of it and you got to have it and you dont want it you should give it to some one who will love and give it a good future

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