A
male
age
30-35,
*ATTYL149
writes:I am 30 (just) and I have never had a girlfriend. In fact, I have never even kissed a girl or lost my virginity. It is not something I like to broadcast as everyone I know is in a relationship or has been in one, and it makes me feel inadequate. I still live at home as it is too expensive to move out. I am more confident than I used to be, but when it comes to asking out girls, I just don't know what to say. I don't like using chat up lines, and I would like to know how to start a conversation I did use to try to approach women, but after being knocked back all the time, I gave up. The last time I tried was 8 years ago. I know they say if you fall off the horse, just get back up and keep riding, but I can't even get back on the saddle. Now I feel that my lack of experience combined with my age, will make it even harder and turn people off me when it comes to romance. What can I do?
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male
reader, MATTYL149 +, writes (7 April 2009):
MATTYL149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to update this for anyone still reading thisI have met a beautiful girl called "J" through an internet dating site. I added her as a favourite and she sent me a messge, so at least I knew she was interested in me. We have been chatting for a few days through the site and then through Facebook. I asked her out the other day but she wanted to chat a bit moreWe have been sending each other messages all night tonight and she is really looking forward to meeting me. I am so overjoyed and she is already planning the second date so I hope all goes wellWe have so much in common so we have a lot we can share together. I've never been happier in my life and I hope that this can become a long term relationship. It is my first serious one, although I'm not going to admit thatThanks for all your advice guys, it has really helped. I must now take myself off that site and hopefully I won't need to go back on there
A
male
reader, Rory  +, writes (12 March 2009):
This same situation is my own predicament. I am almost 30 and have had a GF but that was 15 years ago. I was an academic in high school and never bothered with girls, most would find me nerdy anyway. There has been a unbridgable void when it comes to finding common ground and common interests. If you are religious a paster/bishop/ priest may help. Have a friends? Not intending to be mean spirited but in my case friends are few.... If one of them has a GF the 3 of you should hang out for a few hours.. makes the conversation discovery a lot easier. If you feel the need a shrink can help but You ,may be peachy and not need one. Though it is not a good idea... I was shy and bashfull for a long time... I would go to raves and party, dance and drink all of that was ok... I could not look a girl in the face and talk to her, even if I was drunk... So I bought some weights and worked out.. on and off. I got pretty buff and well toned. After a while I was able to talk to a girl since I felt good about myself. Only thing is after years of shyness, avoiding females and not knowing what to say... I would not bother with small talk as I did not know any or how, it was conducted just GIGO or basic info in - info out type Qs. A far extreme step is not a good idea in any way, it is a BAD idea!!! In my case, hitting 30 as a virgin was a event on the horizon that would falter my ego more, I found a escort that offered the services of a Girl friend for a fee.. This is pathetic in most cases i know.. My sense of self was not on the line but self esteem was. I explained that I had insecurities with approaching women, interacting with them and just about any other part so I was trying the reverse approach. Once your have tried the experience, hesitation and rejection tabled for a fee, it was the belief that I would be more open to Ladies.I had a beautifull session that was supportive and very fun which substantially diminished the hesitation of walking upto a girl.
Now that I can face girls and talk to them I still can not chat them up as they are not relateable, no common interests. They seem vastly less knowledgeable on interests a nerd like me would be into. Now I look the part, it is still agonizing to try and talk casually to a girl versus stating facts. Perhaps join a social networking site... and chat with people online they are much less threatening than face to face. when you do know the person that they are.. maybe if its reasonable arange a meeting. Maybe join a local social club, or volunteer.. Volunteer work helps me as much or more than those I serve... Helping the downtrodent gives you happyness in small doses, then when you see people who are otherwise truly down have a little hope and dignity in lieu of your service that could kick start something great.. You go home happy about yourself and its noticed by others.. hopefully a cutey that chats you up.. What ever awaits you I hope it's good.
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A
male
reader, MATTYL149 +, writes (25 January 2009):
MATTYL149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have been using Plenty Of Fish for three weeks, and have sent 12 messages. I have not got one reply yet, in fact as soon as they read the messages, they deleted them. I don't know what I am doing wrong
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): I understand where you are coming from man. I'm 24 and never had a gf. I've stopped trying to approach them because all I ever got was rejection. Even the fat ones have rejected me. Hell, is there any hope for us?!
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A
female
reader, shelley.cook88 +, writes (11 January 2009):
Find people with the same intrests as you so then you can start the opening email with you like to do that too or this or that, I always put
Hi there
I saw your profile and thought i would email you, i see that you like doing so and so or something along those lines, and you could mention about yourslef, your age, name, what you do for a living, what like to do in spare time, or just put i am going to keep this short and sweet, a few intrests of yours and that you hope to hear back from them soon. You will get set backs but think of it as that person wasnt ment to be.
If you have any luck meeting someone from there we would love to know how it goes and your story, lol hmmm! i so nosey! lol
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male
reader, MATTYL149 +, writes (11 January 2009):
MATTYL149 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've just registered on Plenty Of Fish, and unlike other free dating sites I have been on, there are plenty of users. I have sent a couple of messages so will see what happens. Anybody have any ideas what to put in the first message, as I always find this a stumbling block and don't normally get any replies
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): hi i am 30 yaers old female who never had boyfreind so you ain,t alone there
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Dont worry you arent the only person lovely!!.. as one of the people up there said you can join websites such as plentyoffish.com , match.com, or you could even join sites like bebo or facebook and meet new people (social networking)! this way you will not have to speak to the person directly but only virtually there for you will get to know the person before or if you meet them which will make it easier it would probably boost your confidence aswell! and its not that there anything wrong with you its just that you may not have as much luck as some people but it will work out eventually :D and theres nothing wrong in living with your parents still my mums brother is 29 and still hasnt moved out my grans house yet he is comfotable with where he is living:D soo dont worry about telling people you cant afford to live on your own theres nothing wrong with that your just a regular person we are not all rich and can get anything we want! dont worry about being knocked back either when things arent going well they can only get better! you could even join places like gyms or places like that where you will meet new friends and get to know new people and maybe even a relationship could develope through it! hope my advice helps you hun you seem very nice!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Hi there.
Confidence is a huge thing, why dont you try some dating websites as then you dont need to speak directly to them straight off you get to know them through email etc, match.com is good but you have to pay a fee of £60 if you dont find anyone in 6 months then you get 6 months free, i met my hubby on plentyoffish.com thats site is free it will show women of all ages from your area, i had split from my ex and thought i would never love and meet someone ever again 3 months on plenty of fish and i found him 6 months on we are now married and due to have a baby in July. Dont give up hope and i think that if you choose to meet someone from there then be truthful to her but dont make yourself sound too insecure. You never know she may teach you a thing or too, Keep going at it dont give up!! Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Chippymunk  +, writes (11 January 2009):
 Yikes! For a second there I thought you were me! Exact same situation as you except I'm 25. I did mope about it for a while but decided it's better to concentrate on life instead. I totally understand your situation about being knocked back. There isn't much advice I can offer you since I'm in the same boat, but perhaps you can start joining groups or volunteer at places with people your age. I've joined a couple meet up groups and volunteer at a few places and met a handful of girls. Working or doing an activity with them makes it much easier to start a conversation. Not sure if that helps but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone =)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): never even kissed? that must suck at 30, i dont mean to be mean but that is my worst nightmare. I am 18 and havent had any gf or anything in 2-3 years. I feel for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): You have to have more confidence! Go out and take it from there. Its always nice to be complimented on appearance, just try not to go over the top, flash a smile in there direction, and make an effort for appearance, once you've got some confidence built up inside you it gets easier
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