A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Im 23 and my 15 year old nephew impregnated me! I want to keep the baby because I love him but he tells me he cant.Im so confused I love him and Ill love our child just as much. Advice? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Stefany +, writes (1 August 2008):
My nephew declared his love towards me to my family, when he was 14 and no one not even him seaid any word to me. So years passed by and everyone incluiding him kept thinking what they told him originaly, that his feelings foe me was just a little boy ilution and would fade away in no time.Well everyone was wrong he grow up and his love for me kept on growing behind my back. I dated other mans and eventually got married to one of them with whom i have to beautiful children but, none of those man understood me and me and my nephew were very much alike even physicly speaking. Now the time came when he could no keep it a sevret any longer and so he talked to the family before talking to me and they all told him it is unusual, lots of people will critizise and other will give you their back or judge but we want you to be happy and she is a great woman, the question is how do u think she feels about u?He replyed i don't know but i have always dream that one day she will say the words i love u and i won't have to be celouse or hide my feelings. Well, he talked to me and i did'nt want to make him feel bad but i said: i am flatter to know i can awake beautiful feelings in you but i think they will fade away very soon, and they might be present because we are very close and i have always been there for you caring and loving you as your aunt but i don't want to hurt you and it would never be a normal relationship, i don't love u that way. Well he is very hard head and did not give up, he did everything possible to show me he would no care about the judgment of others and that his love was real, that after 5 years i started to have the desires of finding someone no related to me who would love me just that way because it was the way i needed to be loved. He knew what to say and how and when, he had every right answer and had always said about him in a very incent way ( i swear) that he was going to be a very handsome man.Well he did no give up and did go me to say i love you and i do and after having a relationship of 5 years we got married last year and are planing in having a baby. We are no worry about abnormailities because there are hundreds of things that can make a child born with birth defects no only been family related. AND HERE IS ANOTHER BIG BOMB ' i am 40 he is 27 yrs old. So my advice to you the one that posted the add: Is your body and your life too and you are almost as yung as him, so why should you carry with the blame or the waight all along. At 15 is true he is just a baby but so are you at 23. If he don't want to be part of it or you are afraid of what the family will say, just have it say you don't know the father, give yourself and your baby some time and one day things will be bright again and who knows it maight be him in your life or it might be another man but it is better in your conciousness( in your mind) to have him with a bit of resentment then having to live the rest of your life thinking you have killed your baby, a baby that did no ask to be borned or told any of you to make the mistake and who are we to say your baby is a mistake, everything happens for a reason and your baby could be the biggest blessing you will ever have in your life, your lucky charm. I am sorry i wrote so much but i feel we are in a similar boat except my husband (nephew) wants baby and family with me. I wish you al the best and always have faith in Jehova God, he will never give you something you if he did'nt think you can handle it. As far as giving up your child forget it, is not a pet you bought at the pet shop, you don't need to add more feelings of guiltyness to your life, keeping it will make you feel strong and will give you a reason to be brave and finish school and be good to your self to give him/her a great sample of how responsible you can be. Show the world and him too, that you are you with or with uot his support.And if necesary don't tell the baby who is the father until he is big enough to understand you or no to be embarrasted or in the, but me i would make sure they know from the moment they speak, so that it would be natural to them in stead of feeling it as a top secret or some so wrong the mom did. It will also make it easier on you, no secrets or wait until he/she is about 10 and make it your and his/hers secret so you both know it and let her/him decide if keep it a secret or go open about who is the father. In last i want to say, things are as big as you make it. When i discover i was in love wiht him, i did'nt know what to do, i felt the world will se me as a bad person specially with the difference of age, i even told him, that he didn't knew what he wanted and i never wanted to feel yhat i abused him by beliving he loved me when he could not tell wright from wrong and he say i will grow old saying i love you time will say it. And as soon as i got married and went public believe me, i am stronger and i will figth for this love as much as any other couple.About his feelings, give him space, let him grow tell him..he don't have to be responsible for the baby but he has no right to demand that you go throw the worst thing a mother can go, having to sign the live of her child away. I did once at 22 yrs and until today i regret and is nothing i can do to change my decitions of the past and now i see that no one was worth the life of my child no even the father specially if he asked me to do that. He could had put on a condom too and i could had lost my mind too, no one was god or perfect. I will say keep it is yours and he/she will grow and will appreciate you and admire you for your corage to give him/her life and will love you like no one ever will because she/he will know how much you love him/her. God bless you follow the instincts of your heart and leaten carefully, usually they are the responses from God to our prayers and questions.Love an aunt in love with her nephew just like you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): First of all, though I'm pro-choice, I would say that if you don't want an abortion, don't have one!
More likely than not, the baby will be okay. But if you truly loved your nephew, you would care about his welfare. Parenthood, especially of his own cousin, is a very heavy burden to take on so young...taking on too much too young may twist his life to a different shape, maybe to an unhappy shape. True love and caring, not lust, would have kept you out of his pants in the first place. But since what's done is done, you need to start being realistic about your future.
Some questions to ask yourself:
- will your family support this child once your pregnancy becomes known?
- would they support it if the father of this child were known?
- do you have the money and energy to support this child on your own?
- Have you ever taken care of a young child for a long periods of time (16 hours a day), so you know how much work it is?
- would this child be better off being raised with no father and possibly having a terrible secret, or being adopted?
Some realities to face:
- sooner or later you're going to have to give up your nephew. You're not going to get married to him and ride off into the sunset. But what you can do is try to arrange things so that he doesn't hate you when he grows up.
The sooner you give him up, the better.
"If you love someone, set them free"
- being a single mother is hard, hard, hard work
- you are very young yourself and soon you will appreciate the support and strength that a grown man can give you
Do go see a counselor... too much is weighing in the balance for you to make a decision from your gut right now. You are young yourself and need an older head to help you make plans so that you don't ruin 3 young lives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): This is a very strange occurance. Very very rare. It is a common thing, 15 year old boy having sexual intercourse with a 23 year old lady but the rarest is nephew having sex with his aunt. You need counciling.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 As always, Laura gives a very deep and spiritual response. You caught her/him on a good day.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 To Poster,
You don't have to justify your actions here.
Whatever you do is your right and no one should judge your actions.
Even if you replied in truth , you would be judge critically
and if people want to find faults with you , they will go to
great lengths to prove that they are right and you are wrong.
No one is perfect and there are no answers to everything that happens on this Earth.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 June 2008):
How come you clicked the wrong age bracket? How come you didn't use protection? How come you think it's okay to have unprotected sex with a 15 year old? How come you think it's okay to have unprotected sex with a 15 year old nephew? If you think your actions were justified, (and that "you can't help who you fall in love with" is just a crappy excuse for poor judgement and behavior as can be seen on this website by the people who spout it), then I ask you..why do you feel the need to hide this situation? To protect the very nephew you violated or is it fear and shame? Just a few questions, no judgement here, no siree.
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A
female
reader, DiovanLestat  + ♥, writes (2 June 2008):
 Thanks Laura,
Since you broke no laws in your country, there is no problem with having your child except for maybe a higher risk of genetic defects. Morally though, a lot of people have a hang up with the differences in your ages and the fact that you are closely related. There is an imbalance in your relationship and it could been seen as you taking advantage of a younger, innocent male.
However, I think your decision to keep the baby and take away all responsiblity from the father is a good one, and shows you care about him and his future.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (2 June 2008):
Rape and statutory rape are not quite the same.
Rape or a child molester connotes forcibly taken by force against one's will.
In Canada, for both males and females, the basic age of consent is 14.
Anyone who is 14 or over can consent to having most kinds of
sex with anyone else who is 14 or over.
But here are some exceptions that prohibit (or allow) sexual activity below and above 14.
* At any age incest and bestiality are illegal.
Bestiality is sex with animals.
Incest is defined as sexual intercourse with a parent,
child, brother, sister, half-brother, half-sister, grandparent, or grandchild.
From;-http://local.google.com/answers/threadview?id=388042
She broke no laws in her country.
You should check your facts before shooting from your hips.
Proverbs 12:18 says, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): To the last answerer:
You're basically saying that most teenage males can't really be "raped" or statutorily taken advantage of.
If this 15yo male was your son, and a 23yo woman had just yanked him out of childhood and into fatherhood before he really even knew the names of half the sexual organs that were involved . . . you might be singing a different tune.
A male's erection is not legal consent. And 15yo boys are not sexual/romantic adults.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): I don't agree with those of you who say this woman is a child molester or that she forced herself upon her nephew. We don't know exactly how this happened, plus she says she is in love with her nephew, which tells me this is not just a sexual relationship, but a romantic one as well. Besides, how many males, especially teenage boys, can actually be forced to have sex with a woman? Very few, I think. The vast majority of males are all too happy to have sex with a woman when the opportunity arises, especially if the woman is a hot and sexy 20-something.
To the original poster, I wish you all the best and hope you don't get into any kind of legal trouble. It may be best to lie about who the father of your child is. Or give the baby up for adoption, if you think you can. If the truth gets out about your nephew being the father, both of you will probably be ostracized by your relatives. They will especially look down on you, especially your female relatives, who will think of you as some kind of deviant slut. By contrast, they will probably think that your nephew was the victim of a child molester, and won't blame him for getting you pregnant. That is the kind of double standard that exists in our society today. Again, I wish you all the best and hope you will be able to reach a long-term solution to this very serious problem.
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A
male
reader, mephistophiles  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 To quote Laura, "Why don't people here stop playing and acting like GOD with their high moral judgments?" Yes, well we all know how you know who, feels about the whole "false God" thing don't we???
I was pondering this very problem last night and for a 23 year old girl (as the term woman would imply some level of maturity) to try to force a child upon another child is an absolute crime, or to quote the author illigal.
You need to seek some counseling on this and make the right choice, the moral choice, the ethical choice, leave the young teen male alone, Whilst he has been involved in this relationship, and must learn to keep his manhood in his pants (lest he have a future meeting with me), you were the adult (apparently) in this situation and should have stopped it before it progressed to the point it is now. Get help.
Anyway, to the author, see you soon and bring some good factor 20 as it is a trifle warm down here.
Yours truly
Mephistophiles, aka Satan, aka Devil, ect, ect, ect.
P.S. Laura, Do not judge lest you will be judged with the same high standards as you have judged her. (sic) have not you yourself judged the posters on this question making you no better. There may be room for you down here yet!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (29 May 2008):
Why ask for advice on a website if you will not take it?
That is a very good question.
It depends on the quality of the advice.
If it is bias, prejudice ,insulting , belittling and judgmental, would you accept those advice?
Advice given should be seen in the positive light and if it is
given in the negative, that is not advice but condemnations.
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A
female
reader, blackbeltbaby +, writes (28 May 2008):
 i think using the phrase "Ive also decided to not tell his parents and allow him to have no responsibility" just just how immature you are behaving about this... does this boy not deserve to have input into a child you have (however wrongly) created?
why ask for advice on a website if you will not take it?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (28 May 2008):
Why don't people here stop playing and acting like GOD with their high moral judgments?
What makes you people think you have the right to judge her with your self righteousness and holier than thou attitudes .
I wonder if you have never sin and is pure and unblemished in your whole life!
Do not judge lest you will be judged with the same high standards as you have judged her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Look at it from a moral stand point. You have none ! You also need to turn yourself in and have to file every time you move, because you are a "child" molestor, plain and simple. Let's call it what it is....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): I hope that you will be able to live with the decision to keep the baby. Things could get rough, especially if your relatives find out who the father is. I am surprised that you got pregnant, because I would think a woman your age who is sexually active would have used birth control, especially if she was having sex with a relative.
Since you are in love with your nephew, are you planning t continue your relationship with him? Because that could lead to more sex, which could result in more pregnancies.
And are you sure incest is not illegal in Canada?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): People are being negative for a reason. It's the same reason that you're being anonymous.I know that you cannot help who you love, but he is 15 years old. He is your nephew. You should have stayed away from him when you began to have these feelings. You are the responsible adult and you have to take responsibility for what you have done.I hope to goodness that your child does not have any defects. Its immune system would be weaker than usual.Think of how disgusted your sibling would be when they found out that you... an adult who should have known better, was NOT only having sex with their CHILD, but you were not being safe.Think of what the baby’s life would be like when it was older. "My Mummy is my great Aunt and my Daddy is my cousin."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all insest is not illigal here. second of all the chances of the baby having a defect from this is 4%. I hope that you all realise that Im 23 and well capeable of caring for a child. However back to the insest thing,Is somewhat rude of all of you to judge my perdicument negetivly seeing as how none of you have been deeply in love with a memeber of your family. I hope you understand that you cant choose who you love, and athough loving my 15 year old nephew is "wrong" I cant help it. So thanks for the advise but the negitive comments are not appreciated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): incest? why did you have sex with you nephew? You are an adult and should be making responsible adult decisions and not be having sex with a young boy who is your nephew! I don't think you are capable of raising a child so you should have it and give it up for adoption and let people who are mature and responsible raise the kid. Obviously your nephew who is also a child should not be raising a baby.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (27 May 2008):
It is praiseworthy that you intent to keep the baby and to
keep the boy out of the picture until he is ready to accept
the responsibility in the distant future.
Get the baby scan for any major defects and if it is a perfect baby ,you can keep it.
Get some help from your parents or from those support groups in your area.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): Pants. Not a great situation is it?
If you're keeping it, think long and hard about how you will feel if it turns out to be a seriously ill baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): Why did you have sex with your nephew, especially given how young he is? Is it because you were drunk, or he is really hot and sexy? Cuz you said you are in love with him, and that kinda doesn't make sense to me. But I think now that you've decided to keep the baby, it's best that you not tell anyone, cuz you could go to jail on two charges -- sex with a minor and also incest. So it's best to keep it quiet. Did you only have sex with him one time, or have you been having an ongoing sexual relationship with him for quite some time now?
Only problem will be is if he turns out to look exactly like your cousin, and then you're going to have to explain it as more than just coincidence. Maybe you should consider moving to a different city to avoid the embarrassment.
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (26 May 2008):
 Well relatives having children together is never a good idea gene-pool wise, and like the previous posters have said, he is under age.
As you have said you love him, I must wonder if your motives for wanting to keep this child are influenced by hopes of ending up with him eventually?
Please think carefully dear, can you ask a close friend for advice if you can't go to your family?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Ive decided to keep the baby, but Ive also decided to not tell his parents and allow him to have no responsibility.
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A
female
reader, Emivia  +, writes (26 May 2008):
 That's illegal over here, I'm pretty sure it's illegal where you are too. You're an adult and you are capable of looking after a child, but your nephew is very young and I doubt that many children his age would be capable of looking after a child. Have you talked to his parents about this? If you planned to keep the baby then you must have planned to at some stage?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): you raped him he isn't leagal yet
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): This is really bad news.
I cant tell you what to do with the baby, but i can suggest that you imagine what will happen if you do.
What are the laws in Canada regarding statutory rape? Won't you go to jail once this becomes public? Imagine what your family will do/say! this will destroy some relationships.
Please consider how difficult it would be for this 15 year old boy. He will never get to live a normal adolescent life. Even at your age, 23, this is still very young to have a baby.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): um...this isn't really my place to say but this is really um well weird... i dont beleive in abortion but girl he's your nephew! U had better hope the baby isn't born with any defects! Also how are you going to explain to the baby his parentage?? You have alot to figure out... i will keep you in my prayers best of wishes and luck. . . .
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