A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm an adult Autisic male who has never done anything noteworthy with the opposite sex to speak of and to add insult to injury everyone around me thinks that I am gay because of it and I myself am wondering of I am at least bi. I have felt like I have been trapped inside my own for my entire life so any form of intimacy is difficult for me to achive regardless of how much I want it. I can't interpit social signals worth my life so I have know idea when someone likes me more than a friend or know when to ask the other person out even though I am a grown man in other aspects of life. I simply do not have the intuition to figure out when a woman wants me to date herand when she does not before asking. I am also concerned that I must be atleast bi because I displayed myself nude to my best friend right after he told me that he was gay on his birthday. I have fanticized about having a female sexual partner for at least ten years now and I can't even get an errection over an other male so it is difficult to say that I am bi based on those grounds but easy to say it based on my lack of intimacy with girls. I am intimated by women my own age because I assume that they are all taken or a veterans in this area and won't appreciate their man's lack of experience in this aspect of life. I have had atleast seven females tell me that they find me to be physically attrracive but I can't help but think that they just being nice and don't really mean it or that I was never ''cool'' or ''fun'' enough to keep their attention over time. I have always thought '' what girl would want me?'' since my own father told me from birth that females under thirty would not even consider dating you unless you are a realheartless douche and that showing chivalry and any form of respect for them is massive turn off. Anyways I need help guys, I'm going to be 23 in a matter of days. thank you reading.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): Sorry to hear you're going through some difficult times here.
It doesn't sound to me like you're gay ... just perhaps a little confused. You'd like some human contact and since the 'girl thing' hasn't happened you've then wondered whether a 'boy thing' would be better. I don't think so as it's clear you, quite naturally, fantasise about a proper relationship with someone of the opposite sex.
Clearly your father hasn't helped by giving you some very warped advice! The thing is every person is different - you can't generalise and say "all women are like this" - that's ridiculous. Yes some women go for bad guys ... but equally well a lot more want a good guy who treats them right, is kind, respectful and so on. Really anyone - male or female - wants to be loved and have a fun meaningful relationship with someone. If you can give those things then you're on your way.
Don't fret too much about the whole age thing. I'm what anyone would call a normal guy but for various reasons I didn't have a proper first girlfriend until I was in my early twenties.
Try and not see any girl you meet as a potential girlfriend ... speak to them and get to know them as a friend first. That will give you the confidence to speak to girls in general. If you're seeing them as a potential partner then of course you're going to be tongue tied, shy and come across in a different way than just being a normal non-threatening guy.
And since most relationships develop out of a friendship then if, with a friend, something does develop once they see you as a great guy and they then become your girlfriend then that's great ... but not mandatory of course!
Hope things work out.
A
female
reader, batfink  +, writes (25 August 2011):
Good lord, I'm not even sure I want to comment on what your father has said apart from he has no idea about women! I have a very close friend who has the same problem as you have and he also faces the same level of discrimination which is a crying shame.
You clearly are not gay as you fantasize about a female partner and cannot get aroused by a man. Your problem probably stems from so many people telling you you're gay because they're so ignorant and you feel there must be some truth in it because you've heard it so many times. Ignore these ignorant individuals.
Autistic people often cannot read social situations and try hard to please so don't think your birthday display was an indication that you're gay.These people are very good if you haven't already been in touch with them http://www.oaasis.co.uk/Advice_Support?gclid=CJiylo7Z6aoCFRJc4QodMCdgOw
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