New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224143 questions, 973891 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I'm 20 years old, and dating a 36 year old. What do you think?

Tagged as: Age differences<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 August 2007) 18 Answers - (Newest, 22 August 2007)
A female United States age 26-29, *rittany13 writes:

I am 20 and the guy I am starting to see is 36. I know how to handle myself as a woman so I'm not worried about getting to attached like most ladies my age... I know I know girls say that all the time but seriously I'm a very mature 20 year old. Anyways I just wanted to get feedback on the age difference from everyone... ?

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

HI there i think that is fine for you to date a guy of such an older guy, i am currently with and man who is 13 years older than me, i havent yet told my parents and have only been with him for since late february. We are already planning out future together and i am so loved up, age doesnt matter, all that counts is your feelings towards each other. Best wishes and good luck.

xxxxx

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007):

I'm in your shoes, I'm dating a guy 24 years older than me (I'm 19). I find him more interesting and more mature than the guys my age. It's all up to you, if you can handle it, then go for it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007):

I don't think it's the age number that matters. Rather, it's the life experience each partner has had.

Generally, it's true that as we get older, we become more inclined to settle down. And that when we are younger, we need time and freedom to explore and learn and find ourselves.

So if a 20-year old woman who has not had enough time to do these things, falls in love with an older man who is at the get-married-and-have-kids stage, I do not deny that it is true love, but I do raise the warning that engaging in a serious, committed relationship would be very unfair to the young woman.

It's not about the difference in number. It's about the difference in stages of life. It's about the right timing. Just because there is love, does not mean you must act on it right away. Do not sacrifice your own opportunities to have great life experiences. Perhaps someday in the future, when you've had more time to become balanced on these stages of life, the relationship will be even more beautiful and compatible.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Wild Thaing Canada +, writes (8 August 2007):

Wild Thaing agony auntSomeone who is mature tends not to claim to be mature and then respond to feedback in the defensive manner you just exhibited.

Try to listen more and defend less. That is the mark of someone who is comfortable in her own skin. Maybe then I would believe you to be as mature as you claim.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

I agree with the last person. You claim maturity but think about it for a second. you're asking for the opinions of others which means you have doubts and are unsure. i'm 41 now and when i was 20 thru 21 i dated a guy who was near twice my age, and it took a heartbreak and a lot of growin up on my part to realize that i was a confused immature girl who thought she knew everything, but in fact, i was naive and young and it hurt me for a few years. i thought iw was mature at the time, but girl, you have no idea. i really dont think its a good idea and i relaly dont think that this would be good for you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, brittany13 United States +, writes (8 August 2007):

brittany13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

wild thaing... since when is it a crime to get advice from the world?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, brittany13 United States +, writes (8 August 2007):

brittany13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I have actually been single for 7 months ... so the whole " getting out of the relationship " thing isn't really worth talking about. I have no expectations when it comes to this man... I am a pretty independent woman who has gone through and seen things that people my age shouldn't have to endure but its made me strong and NO that does not mean I have daddy issues. I just wanted to get everyone's opinion on the situation but honestly he probably is only out for one thing but who's to say Im not after the same thing ? You only live once you know ... and NO don't label me as a whore either because I'm def. not of any sorts but I know what I want and when I want it I go after it... I gave him my number ...it wasn't the other way around. Just a little background for everyone who is interested.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Wild Thaing Canada +, writes (8 August 2007):

Wild Thaing agony auntIf you are as mature as you claim to be, why do you care about what others think?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (8 August 2007):

As you can see, you have many differences in opinion here. This just proves that it is a case to case basis.

Go on this: Where do you two fall mentally? Are you on the same page? Are your values similar?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

I think most of the time, an age difference like that is not a good thing. Personally i think it's a little bit of a cry for attention and dating someone who's almost twice your age is a good way to scream it. Most of the time, the guy, if he's the older one in it is out ofr one thing and will tell you everything you wanna hear and more to get what he wants out of you, and 99 tims of 100 the woman gets attached and before you konw it, he'll vanish or hurt you or both. It happened with my best friend when she was 19 she started seein a guuy who was 39 and she got hurt bad. I hope that doesnt happen with you, but a majoriy of time thats how ive seen them end.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, sexi South Africa +, writes (8 August 2007):

sexi agony auntHi, age is only a number and a probem if you let. I am 19 and my bf is 30 and i am so happy with him - happier then i have ever been with any of my other bf's. Just hang in there with regards to you parents.If they dont already know when they do find out,it would be news to them but give them some time and let them get to know him and they would come to terms with it.

Mail me if you wanna talk.

P.S If you need to know anything mail me, i have had enough of up's and down's with my bf and would not mind sharing anything with you (",)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (8 August 2007):

kenny agony auntI think age only becomes an issue if either of the people have got problems with it. If either one of you has the slightest hang up regarding age then its doomed to fail. Otherwise there is nor reason why is shouldent work out. At the end of the day age is only a number, go for it and good luck x

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

Let me tell you from experience and from a guy who actually has morals. I'm engaged but my buddy is 34 and single. He meets younger women on occasion and one thing i've noticed with most of them is a pattern of being hurt in the past, and have insecurity and attention seeker issues, whether they admit to it or not, and most of the time they just got out of being in a relationship and are trying to get on the rebound. I don't know you at all so i don't know if that's you at all. But i've seen what he does, and he feeds the girls exactly what they wanna hear cause he has been around long enough to know what works, and he'll use it to get what he wants, but you'll get attached and he'll hurt you. I guarantee. I've seen my buddy swoon them and then dump them, every time. Most likely if this guy is single at 36 he's out for one thing. He might not act like it at first, he may be good to you right now, but give it time. I personally don't think its a good thing. Someone gets attached, and it's usually the women, and they end up getting hurt worse than they were before. I've seen it ruin their friendships and their past relationships. But it's your decision, and your life, i just don't think it's a good thing.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

There's a 22yr age gap between me and my partner,it works because were great friends and love each other.Age is only a number. good luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

Personally i have no issues with age difference, its personality that counts and if you make each other happy and its legal, then go for it girl!

But, you dont have to be young or immature to get attached! it can happen to anyone, so dont think you will be any different.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

I am not so sure about this one. From the sound of it, you may have just gotten out of a relationship, which is why most women date older men; as sort of a rebound. You have to be sure this is what you want, but most guys that age are looking for one thing so I don't think it's a good idea and you'll be left hanging and hurt. It didn't work for me, and in the end it hurt many of my close relationships to my friends because i thought i knew what i was doing too, but in retrospect, i was looking for attention and insecure about myself. Personally, i don't think it's a good idea. But you must make the choice.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, somewhat_anonymous United States +, writes (8 August 2007):

My first reaction: So what?

Seriously, age is a number. Forget about the number, it is insignificant. Do you like him and want to be with him? Does he want to be with you? Those are the things that matter.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, DJ8433 United States +, writes (8 August 2007):

DJ8433 agony auntI have a niece that has done the same thing, and a sister (15 year younger than their spouses). I assume you are good for each other, otherwise you would be writing about something other than age. The age thing doesn't matter to some, but does matter to others. You have to check your heart on this one, and decide if it's an issue for you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I'm 20 years old, and dating a 36 year old. What do you think?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.046875!