A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know that this is the really long, depressing kind of question which has been asked hundreds of times, but I'm feeling pretty crap and i'd really like some advice.I'm 20 years old and I have never had a girlfriend, i've been on one date with three girls since the age of 17 but that's it, never kissed anyone and obviously never came anywhere close to having sex. I've held two girls hands once on a night out and that's as far as i've got on the physical side. For as long as I can remember i've had Social Anxiety, and although I've gotten better over the years and learned hope to cope with it, I always feel paralysed in in social situations. I try and force myself to talk to people but I always get tongue-tied and have no idea what to say, then I beat myself up for weeks because I feel like i've ruined something that should have been so easy. It depresses me a lot, and I know that probably sends out a bad vibe to everyone else, like they think I don't like them or that i'm just stuck-up, but i'm really not, I just constantly think that they don't like me from the moment they meet me, so I worry about talking to people. Its just a vicious circle, I'm at university doing Graphic Design, and i'm living away from home too so there is plenty of opportunities to meet women. Like my music, learning to play the guitar and violin. I enjoy art as well, along with reading and films; just the normal stuff really. But still, its like i'm such a freakin loser and have nothing in common with anyone, because it just seems to happen for everyone else and i'm not even considered by anyone. My housemate gave me lots of advice, but it was just the same advice that i've been given by everyone else. Like, “it will happen when its right”, “have more confidence in yourself” and “believe in fate”. But it wouldn't be very kind of them to tell me the awful truth that there is absolutely nothing attractive about me. I feel like Meg Griffin from Family Guy! Lol, but seriously its just not even funny anymore! I constantly feel like i'm ugly and that i'm not even worthy to breathe, so I guess its just a self esteem/confidence thing. And even Meg's managed to bag herself a guy on many occasions...! I can't show a picture or anything, but if you saw me you wouldn't look twice. I'm way to skinny, my foreheads to flat, my nose, lips and ears are too big, my eyes are too far apart, my skins terrible...I could go on for hours.This probably made me sound like a whinny little ***** lol, but this is really bugging me and at the moment I can't believe that anyone would see anything good in me. Does anyone think that i'm good enough to find someone? Or should I just accept that i'll probably end up as some 40 year old virgin!?
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confidence, never had a girlfriend, self esteem, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (27 March 2013):
 A prostitute might help conquer any nerves you have about sex, but I doubt it would help your confidence in talking to women in general
A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (27 March 2013):
 Common question gets a common answer:First things first, you need to work on your self-esteem. I know that that's so much easier said than done. Back in high school I nearly went mad feeling the way that you do. And feeling like there was something wrong with me damaged my self-esteem to the point that I allowed myself to be taken by awful people because I was so desperate for affection and attention.Anyway, you're only 20. That's really young. You have one or two years of college left, right? Throw yourself in social activities. Ask your friends if they know of any events or parties where you can tag a long. Do you work or volunteer? That's another way to meet people. If you're SAD gets in the way, can you see a psychiatrist?Most important, however, is to remember that your self-worth is in no way related to how many girlfriends or sexual partners that you've had. Never forget it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): Cheers for your answers :). I've tried internet dating but it never worked for me, and I haven't really got anyone who would want to go speed dating with me, not even as a joke thing :S. Wouldn't a prostitute be a better idea though, I mean, I don't really see myself having any confidence in the future.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (27 March 2013):
I feel for you man, but really your putting too much pressure on yourself. You need to work on your confidence. You don't have to be handsome to attract women. A good sense of humour, which I think you have, can get you along way. You have to be more sure of yourself, join a gym and improve your physique a bit. Your friends are right. Maybe join a dating website or go speed dating to help boost your confidence when chattin up the women
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): You sound very down on yourself. Some of the great guys are the ones who are fun to be with, looks, although they seem important are not at all the only factor. So relax and try and build basic friendships with girls. Don't be over anxious, it shows. You may feel at 20 you need to get a move on but really there are girls also at your age who haven't had a boyfriend. It always seems as if everyone else is out there dating, but you are not unusual at all. It will happen.
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