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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok here's the deal I'm nearly 19 and I've still never had sex with a guy or even had oral. I know loads of you are gonna give me rubbish bout not popping my cherry with anyone and how special it is and how normal I am but no offence I really don't want to hear about any of that lousey stuff. That along with "you will meet someone right" is of no use to me right now. I wanna hear something different please. I've had like one long term relationship that last a couple of months and apart from that I've gone out with 2 other guys for less than like a month in total. When I go to clubs all I do is kiss guys and nothing more. No one ever asks me out and never seems to be interested in me. My mum and friends keep telling me I'm gorgeous and that guys are too scared to ask me out but I know its just rubbish. They told me guys would ask me out when I went to uni or clubbing or get a job but none of which has happened. I'm beginning to think that I'm never going to be with anyone or if I am I'll need to lower my standards a bit more. I really want to have sex with someone now and have been dying to for a long time. I really wish I had with that one serious guy I was with cos now at least I wouldn't feel like such an idiot and wouldn't be contemplating doing it with anyone!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): There are so many factors to this. I mean if you want to have a go at it with some guy, then fine, but then you obviously have problems finding a guy to bang you silly. So what's going on? Cuz I know some pretty bratty girls out there who sleep around like there's no tomorrow - some don't even look like that type. So what's wrong with you? I have no idea. Unless we know you personally, see you every day, how you interact with people, how you express yourself, how you look, how you are, etc, etc, etc, we just don't know what accurate answer to give you.
If you're desperate enough, try adult friend finder or similar sex sites. If you're not that desperate, I say, the only way I think anyone can give you tips/advice is to deal with you long term.
Think about it this way though, who are you going out with, where are you hanging out, and how are you doing it?
A
female
reader, madonna +, writes (10 January 2007):
hi there
your very young in some ways u have family uni as in study why the hurry of having sex
u must be beautiful and u will find a great guy to have a great relationship with
no hurry at all darlin take ure time
best wishes
madonna
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A
female
reader, ebonyrose  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 Try to be honest with urself. U say that ur mad to have sex is it really you who wants it or is it just because all ur friends have done it. I would suggest not going to a club and getting off with any old tom dick and harry. You have to be very careful that u dont sound too desperate you could meet a man who doesnt care bout you and gives you rough lovin which for your first time would probably put u off. For ur first time it is going to be a bit sore or uncomfortable so u need to find somebody that will play nice if you know what i mean. Always be safe carry condoms with u when going out if you settle for just anybody. If i was you i would go out and buy a vibrator then you can have oodles of fun and it might take the pressure off trying to find a man so bad. good luck
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A
male
reader, White Heaven +, writes (8 January 2007):
 Hey listen up!... Firstly... Chill a bit.. the reason why is that guys see such desparate chick to get screwed, seems like a dream come true for most of the guys, so thry freak out!!!...
Secondly, getting screwed is not that hard, you gotta have some friends or friends of your friends contact... get someone... you CAN NEVER PLAN to have sex.. NEVER.. It just happens.. unless you are in your honeymoon. ha but that off the subject...
Thirdly... I can't tell you how to get a guy, that is natural in a woman... use BODY LENGUAGE, it will always work... remember always be clear from any subtance, it's worth to remember that first feeling of penetration, being girl or boy... it is unforgetable!
Body Lenguage... or tell me otherwise?...
Good Luck and most importantly enjoy and have a good one, have it safe...
**Mwah**
White Heaven!
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A
female
reader, fairhalflin  +, writes (8 January 2007):
 ask urself how much you really want to have sex? i mean, honestly its not that big of a deal...dont get me wrong sex is amazing as long as u share it with someone that is speacial to you...not just some random guy, get some dignity. my solution is to get a dildo. But, if all else fails, dont go all legths to be a slut. maybe you're looking way to hard and you need to have respect for yourself. wanting to have sex with whoever is just pushing ur head into a pile of crap...just wait. if you're so eager to have sex...someone will throw a bone to an old dog...just go to a dark alley...if you're so desperate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): http://catb.org/~esr/writings/sextips/consequences.html
Here is an article that is not about all that morality crap as you call it....even if you don't care about morals you should care about ethics so here is some food for thought.
Also, woman to girl, do you really think you are going to feel better about yourself if you go up to a guy in a club and tell him you want to go screw? What if he gets a little rough with you because he has no feelings for you and thinks you are not worth being gentle with, especially on your first time? How are you going to feel when he never calls you after?
My guess maybe what is holding you back from dating is that you don't like yourself so much right now, and you are wanting sex over friendship and respect and it shows, most guys don't really want that in a girlfriend, and a lot of them don't even want to have casual sex with a desperate, sad girl....so maybe you should just try to calm down and try to be friends first and someone will be asking you out sooner than later....
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Well if you are willing to go with just anybody, then your self respect isnt very high. How can anyone else respect you if you dont respect yourself. You are not going to find a serious relationship with that attitude. The only thing you will find is a reputation you will be stuck with. You should be raising your standards, not lowering them. You will find the right guy when you stop looking. Why are you in such a hurry to throw away something so precious for a 5 minute fumble?
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Ok, that clears things up a little. Looks like you need to first decide which is more important to you right now, to just have sex or to have sex with someone who cares about you.
If you decide its the first one, then just make it clear your available next time you're in a club. I've heard of girls and guys doing it when they dont even know their names!
If you decide its the second choice, then I guess you'll have to wait around before jumping straight into something.
But really think through what you want most. Just out of curiosity though, why are you going out of your way to lose your virginity?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThing is i DO care about who I do it with too much and I know I will hate myself if I do it with just anyone. Even if I did just go with anyone no one is offering! I really want it to be in a special relationship but I can't seem to attract any guys which makes me think my friends and family must be talking crap and I must be unattractive. I really don't want to wait for ever because I'm just becoming more desperate. Not sure what I'm really asking but please help someone!
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (7 January 2007):
You're having so much trouble? For a pretty lady, just getting a guy in your bed has gotta be one of the most easiest things to do, especially when you dont give a rats ass what the guy is like, so long as he's equipped for the job! Seriously, next time, you're kissing a guy in a club, just tell him if he'd like to take you home. That cant fail... If nothing else, you cant go wrong with this: www.adultfriendfinder.com
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Here's my advice:
Go to a club. Check out the guys. Pick out the one you think is hot. Give him the "look". If he's interested, he'll ask you if you want a drink. Accept his offer. Dance. Smile a lot. Laugh at all of his jokes, whether they're funny or not. Make him feel like he's the only guy on the planet. If he's straight, he'll be inviting you back to his pad and you'll be in the sack before you know it. Next thing you know you'll have your ankles around your ears and you'll be moaning in ecstasy.
A pretty simple and straight forward approach.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, DocSilverback +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Okay this is not the lousey stuff kid. Pop your cherry. Go out with the first Joe blow that you meet. You won't meet the man of your dreams. Is that what you want to hear? Spoiled brat. Tie a bone around your neck, maybe the dogs will play a game with you. Geeze. Apparently you know it all.
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