A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hello well problem is i suffer really bad with self esteem and eating disorders. when i was 10 years olde i was raped by a man that was nearly my step grandad, then 2 weeks after that i met my real dad for the first time haveing my father turn me away saying he was to busy, then a month later i started my period, that all happened when i was 10-11/, at the same time i was constantely babysitting for my new born baby brother while my mom was at the pub with my little brothers dad. the only reason i was raped is because my mom spent all the dinner money on the pub so i had to borrow money off my step grandad and thats when he treated me like a prostitue. after that i suffered with selfesteemn,suicidal,eating disorders,and depression. when i was 15 we finally moved which i thought thankgod at safe hands at last untill i was 15 then i met my first serious ralationship he was smokeing spliff to much which drove his mind crazy which led him to beating me up so bad i went top a life support machine, when i woke up months later my mom had sold her house to get away from my ex, well when i got out of hospital we weere in a new house where he could never find me again nor hunt me again, and he never did find out so when i was 17 there was a feller 21years older than me that was chaseing me for months that adventually i gave into and we began our ralationship soon enough 4months into our ralationship i had no suicidal,no eating disorder,nor depression IT ALL WENT JUST LIKE THAT, he was my frst to sleep with a well his had a verstetermy as much as i'll love kids i can live with out that for him, my main question is CAN I ASK HIM TO MARRY ME? AND HOW? DO I BUY HIM A RING? SORRY FOR THE LONG STORY. AND THANKYOU SO VERY MUCH FOR ALL YOUR HELP. P.S IM 19 NOW HIS 40 AND I AM NEARLY FULLY COBERD FROM MY PAST EXPEREINCE, ALL I NEED IS A YES OR NO WEATHER TO ASK HIM.
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money, my ex, period, self esteem Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): No No No. You are so young with much future and chapters to go through.
A
male
reader, Say It Straight +, writes (17 January 2007):
The worst you can be is WRONG but you could be missing out on the love of your life, its all about here and now, if it feels right and you get a quality of life out of it then it is right,only you can tell.
Despite all the pain and suffering that has gone on in your life your main priority has to be to move on and put it all behind you, try really hard not to drag it along with you, make the most of the life you have left and dont let anyone push you back down.
Good luck girl I really hope it works out for you, the age thing is a load of rubbish ignore anyone who makes that an issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2007): Hello there.
I am in a relationship with the same age difference. Im sorry to hear of your childhood it must have been very hard to trust another man. I am 19 and my partner is coming up for 40. Listern if u feel u r both in love and u are ready for marraige i say go for it. You only have one life i love my partner to bits. Just buy a ring and be romantic. I always had the doubt that he was jus with me because i was young and pretty but never let insecurity stand in the way it does nothing but makes your relationship crash and burn. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): I couldnt agree more with anon!! I got married at the age of 22 and it's been 2 years now. He's over 30 years older than me. And everything i felt before has slowly faded. Not too good!!
Right now, you may say that you love him dearly that you wanna tie the knot. And that you are ok if you wont have a child. But i think, you "only" think you love him or that you wanna marry him coz of the fact that you have changed since he came into your life. You are thinking maybe it's him that's meant for you. Honey you're too young to get married. Please think hard and ponder and weigh things before you get serious with this guy. I dont want you to make the same mistake i did. Trust me, your feelings now will certainly change in the long run. Unless it's destiny!
So i'm voting for NO..NO marriage, keep this relationship? YES
wish you happiness and be strong..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2007): I think it would be a HUGE mistake to ask him to marry you!!! If you do ask him, I pray he turns you down. Girl, you are TOO YOUNG to get married!!! And trust me, there is no way in hell the troubles you were having just disappeared like that. They may be repressed because you've found someone else to focus on, but one day you're going to have to deal with them. The events you lived through are very significant and there is no way you will enter into adulthood and the issues you had suddenly disappeared. I know you love him, but you need to think about yourself. My suggestion to you is to get some counseling. Work on becoming the beautiful independent woman I know you can be. Does he know about your troubled past? Think of what kind of impact this decision could have on your future. You are only 19!!!!!!! You're too young and trust me you will change SO MUCH in your 20s and early 30s. Five years from now you may find you can't stand the guy! You can't possibly even know who you are or what you want out of life at 19. Don't let the fantasy of getting married and living happily ever after cloud your good judgement. Marriage takes alot of work and for most people it's not happliy ever after (especially those who marry young). And is it REALLY ok with you that you will NEVER have children if you stay with this man? Is that something HONESTLY you can live without? Don't say you will because you are afraid you'll lose him if you do. Ask him what he thinks about your going to college and getting an education? Is he supportive? What do YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF? Will he support you to become the best you can be? Personally, I wouldn't trust any 40 year-old man who would pursue a teenager...and that is what you still are. If the two of you truly love each other, wait 5 years at least!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Poor you, i really just want to come and give you a hug. If you two are in love there is nothing wrong with the age gap, i certainly have never had a problem with age gap relationship. There is also nothing wrong with you asking your bloke to marry you. Choose somewhere really nice. My bloke proposed to me in the moonlight on a lovely terrace. Pick somewhere you love and go for it. I wouldn't give him a ring, but that is just me. Let him buy you one at a later date. Just ask him. Best of luck and i wish you well. You have done very well to put your past into the background, i know you will never forget it, i have been through a similar past as you, it never goes away, but you can paper over it.
Take care
xx
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