A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:I think that the answers I'll get on here would probably be the same but I've thought about it long and hard but the only decision I come to is wanting a baby.I really want a baby; I want someone who will love me, after all the heartbreak I went through I need something that will help me and the only thing is to have a baby. I feel like I have always been let down and this baby will be more than anything anyone can give me; I wouldn't need another boyfriend or ANYONE! My parents have split up for the third time and my mum is an emotionally wreck - I want to help her but she just won't let me; she lets my little sister (who is 14 years old) help her. My dad doesn't love me I know that he doesn't because I don't love him back - all I see when I see him is 'just another man' I barely know him. I know you're probably thinking that I'm being a sadddo posting this but I need your opinion. I have no one to talk to.I want a baby because it will take me out of the crazy world; it will bring me happiness.
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female
reader, Legioness +, writes (4 October 2009):
 Not meaning to be harsh or anything, but thinking outside the box, at the bigger picture, what about if your child grows up not to love you, just as you don't love your dad? It could happen. You're thinking of bringing a child into this world for all the wrong reasons. Wait until you're older and able to make slightly more wiser, logical, and thought out plans of action. Go get yourself a fella to love you! You'd need one if you wanted a baby anyway.
A
male
reader, IrishDude22  +, writes (3 October 2009):
 If you have a crazy life, don't bring a baby into it, a lot of youngins think they can handle it... YOU CAN'T sorry, and all you'll end up doing is asking your parents for help, and don't put that on your parents, I mean they had to raise you right??
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle  + ♥, writes (16 May 2009):
 This site is excellent for getting some basic advice and opinions - you are on here because you are in real crisis and are not able to really think straight at the moment. You say you need someone, anyone - you need to find yourself again. You need help to do it.
Please take some steps to see a counsellor - someone safe you can talk all this through with - try it.
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (15 May 2009):
 So get a goldfish or something.
You don't even grasp the reality of how huge having a child atually is. You're thinking about no one but yourself. About how bad YOU feel, how YOU want someone to love YOU.
What about the child you are unable to look after because you didn't seek the therapy you needed when things were getting on top of you? What about the baby that's going to suffer because you've brought it into a horrible situation? Think about that.
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A
female
reader, TalkingHelps +, writes (15 May 2009):
 Ifyou need someone or something i don't think that a baby will fix this overwhelming need for something , ifyou see what i mean.Also if anything should happen to the baby you'd be utterly devastated, and you'd suffer heavy psychological consequences probably for the rest ofyour life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm stuck and I don't know what to do. I don't want this baby because it's so called 'fashion'. I need someone, something!
I am probably sounding stupid saying this but this is exactly how I am feeling!
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (13 May 2009):
The fact you're even asking this shows how immature you are.
What exactly do you have to offer a baby? Do you have you're own house? You obviously won't have the support from your parents. Are you financially independant? Do you have a job? Do you have any idea how much money a baby will need? A newborn baby will feed every three hours - that's eight times a day. It will probably need changing after every one, so that's eight nappies. Look up the price of milk and nappies and see how much it'll cost you a month.
What about a father? Were you thinking of just sleeping with some random? I've never known my Dad, never met him, don't even know his name. I'm having my own child now and have been thinking of finding him. But I'm terrified of him rejecting me because he probably doesn't even know I exist. So I'll probably go my whole life not knowing him. Wondering if I've ever walked past him in the street.
Is that what you want for your baby?
I really don't understand how you can think it's ok to bring another human being into this situation with your family. It's cruel. And no child deserves it. It deserves a happy life not a mother that only made a baby because she doesn't get enough love from her parents.
What you need sweetheart, is a counsellor to talk things through with, NOT a poor innocent child who is going to have a miserable life because you can't give it what it needs.
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A
female
reader, chvyrdnck +, writes (13 May 2009):
having a baby is harder than you think. you wont have the freedom or time to do what you want. get the sleep you want. or even have time for your self. another thing is a baby cant give you the love you are probably looking for. a baby needs love not for someone to depend on it to give all the love. speeking from experience. i was 15 when i got pregnant got kicked out nowhere to go but the streets on the streets until my son was 6 months old its very hard. pleasd wait until you can give a baby what it needs
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Girl I understand u a lot I was 15 when I had my baby but I did it because my parents divorce n didn't really talk 2 my mom because she was into my sister(19yr old) that look like my dad.. My dad wasn't really around so it didn't really hurt me when they divorce but I thought that it was going 2 make me so happy having a baby.. Now I'm 23 my kid is 5 but I still want 2 go out I luv my son but I didn't have fun because I have 2 take care of my kid I didn't want my mom to take care of my son because I know she will always rub it in my face (why I had a baby when I could of been having fun).. If I can make time go back which I cant I would think about it... I LUV MY SON WITH ALL MY HEART... BUT its hard having a kid n ur parents having problems... now as a mom I miss my dad n wish he would of been there for me.. So don’t get a baby as an excuse 2 b happy... go out have fun with ur friends n let time pass...
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle + ♥, writes (13 May 2009):
Sweetie - it sounds like you have been through alot of difficult stuff in your personal life lately - and that you feel alone and in pain. I can completely understand why you would think that a baby of your own would 'fix' that empty feeling - and give you something to be positive about. I also think that somewhere inside you know that this is not really the answer right now - in fact, it is probably a really silly way to solve your current problems - it'll just create a whole set of new problems or issues for you.
Have you thought about what you would want for this precious baby of yours? Can you say that you could bring a child into the world right now, at your age, in your current situation - and give it the best life possible? It doesn't sound like you can do that right now.
The other thing to think about is the fact that your baby will be a little, dependent baby for about a minute-and soon enough they will grow up and want to lead their own life - as a mum that's what you should want to encourage too - growth and independence. But - if you have a baby because of your own neediness - it's all wrong - how will you cope when they don;t want to stay home with you?, when he or she gets into a relationship? etc - you are setting yourself up for even greater pain - you would 'live' for your child and then when they grow - what then? you would probably be at risk of "screwing up" your child's life too - with an unhealthy attachment relationship.
You need to get yourself healed - realise what YOU have to offer the world, what dreams you still can chase etc - once you are in a happier place you will be so much better able to parent a child. You want to be the best mum you can don;t you?
You say you don't have anyone to talk to - there are lots of people who can listen and support you through this difficult time in your life - and help you really think through any decisions you are making. Go to your Dr and ask about seeing a counsellor - they can refer you - OR see a school counsellor perhaps and ask for help finding someone you can see and talk to regularly.
Don't rush into having this baby to 'bandaid' what's wrong in your life - it won;t work - you will still be unhappy until you resolve the issues that are causing this pain.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, stormflora  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 I completely agree with female anon, you may think this is what you want but if it actually came to pass, you would in all likelihood wished you'd waited until you were both emotionally and financially ready.
You're 16 or 17 and you want unconditional love...my suggestion? Get a dog, not a baby.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): You want a baby to love you unconditionally...a baby is going to cry all night, you will not get sleep, you will be broke, you will think you are losing your mind because you're tired, stressed...you will have stretch marks and your breasts will look older. People judge teen mothers, not a good thing but the truth...it will be hard to graduate high school much less college...and as a result you will make less money than you would with a college degree...It will be harder to ever meet a guy/woman to have a relationship with, because that is baggage that is hard to accept. My advice? Get on the pill and avoid guys that do not adore you..the ones who do might seem boring, but they will adore you...you do not need a baby!
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