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I'm 13, Should I wait to have a child with my 17 year old boyfriend?

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2009) 22 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2009)
A age 26-29, anonymous writes:

my boyfriend and i want to have a baby. we are both in our teens (im 13 he is 17) and unsure if we should wait??? please help

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009):

Hey listen your thirteen years old I want to have a child but I am a boy so i cant exactly just get myself pregnant! It really, really depends on the person but look at these questions and think about them seriously:

1. Could you afford to have a child?

2. Would you sacrifice literally everything to look after your child e.g. going out clubbing, going with your friends on holiday, risking prenatal depression

3. Would you still bear to have the child if your boyfriend dumped you, it didnt work out or cheated on you

4. Would your friends and family support you?

5. Can you cope with only having four hour sleep constant penetrating screaming?

If you ask me you have got to think about it seriously make sure it isnt some sort of phrase your going through like some infatuation like some peope get infatuated with getting a horse or a pony. This is a serious life changing experience it can be wonderful or it can be terrible listen I am fifteen years old and I am going to ask this girl out I have known for four years and I am going to ask if she wants to have a baby with me. I know if she wants to because she isn't the kind of girl that minces her words lol but I hope that information helps you make the right decision there is no wrong or right decision just look at the facts and look in your heart and also be logical because this is brining a new baby into the world.

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A female reader, Danii-N-Dale United Kingdom +, writes (23 June 2009):

Danii-N-Dale agony auntI agree with FinMcCool and SincerlyYours

They Both Talk Sence Take There Advise Hunny

It will do u good xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009):

What you both do with your life's is your problems but when you bring a child into the world when your not ready thats crossing the line. Wait it out if he loves you now hes should love you when you can support a child. A couple of more years to only worry about your selfs is good. Remember its your choice to do what you want with your lifes..but with a child it wouldnt just be your life anymore!!!

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A female reader, sammi star United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2009):

sammi star agony auntIt's not unusual to want a baby at your age, lots of girls go through the same feelings, but you really shouldn't act on them. You say you're positive that your boyfriend will stick around so surely that gives you all the time in the world to have a baby together? enjoy time as a couple first, go out and live your lives. I was pregnant at 16 and that was hard enough-still is everyday-so I can't imagine what it would have been like at 13. Listen to what everybody is telling you on here even if it's not what you wanted to hear, they're talking a lot of sense. Good luck x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009):

Get a friend or family to loan you their baby to take care of for a while. If you can make it 5 days straight, I will be surprised.

I'm not saying this because I think so little of you, I am saying this because child care is so difficult for anyone. Young or old.

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A female reader, athenas United States +, writes (16 June 2009):

Having a baby is the most wonderful thing that can happen to you! When your at the right age. Think about it what are you gona do your a minor wich means you cant work youll dropp off school cause its hard being a mom wich means no graduation wich means MESSED UP FUTURE FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY!!! A baby is a game or toy its a responsobility and come on your 13 thats not being responsable. What happens iff your man leaves you i mean hes 17 almost done with high scholl soon going to collage what if it doesnt work out? A son with no father? dont let your heart lead you because you cant trust your heart use your mind thats whatt its for. Good Luck!!

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A female reader, QnsNotorious United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

QnsNotorious agony auntuhm im sorry for what im about to say but this is my reaction to what you have asked ;

Are you stupid?! You're only 13 and you want to have a baby?! First of all your 17 year old boyfriend would get locked up because when he turns 18 its illegal to date a minor. & look sweetie having a baby is gunna really fuck up your life . My friend was in your situation like 2 times and shes always gunna rememba dos 2 abortions she had and shes your age. DOnt mess up your life with a pregnancy.

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A female reader, tired82 United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

tired82 agony auntOMG I'm 26 and still waiting. Children are no joke. You have to give up a lot and provide a lot for them as well... Why are you thinking of children at 13? You're just a baby. Live your life first before taking the step into parenthood. Do some research and you will see...

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A female reader, pebble United Kingdom +, writes (15 June 2009):

pebble agony auntOk sweetheart, so what kind of well paying job does he have at 17 with no college education that can support him, you and the child that will go through 14 nappies and bottles of milk a day? Don't forget you will also need to pay rent on your house, your bills, food and gas for the car you'll have to get.

Are you emotionally and physically able to cope with a hugely painful birth? You may lose your figure forever, stretch marks, droopy boobs and tummy that just won't go away.

Being a good mother means protecting your child and providing the best you possibly can. That is why you should realise selfishly bringing a child into a situation where it has a penniless, alone (because he will NOT stay), uneducated 13 year mother is absolutely not being a good parent.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

It's really great that you have a good relationship honey, but i'm guessing when you say he has a good job, you mean at a place such as a restaurant, gas station, clothes store, grocery store, etc.

You really should have a career to have a baby and most 17 year olds don't get paid enough.

Have you looked at prices of things? Ask him how much he makes. Rent alone is usually between 400 and 900 dollars a month for an apartment. Then there'es electricity, gas/heat, water.. all separate bills. Then there's food where poele usually spend about 150 dollars a week. Baby forulma for ONE can is 26 dollars. A box of diapers is about the same.

Crib is 200 usually, high chair is 150, stroller is 150, swinger is 175, toys, clothes, food, hundreds and hundreds of dollars.

Then there's the judgment that other people will place on you. Can you handle walking around, having people stare at you, talk behind your back about how disgusting it is? (those are not my words, but the ones that others are likey to use), can you handle that? The gossip? The means words?

Can you handle your family's disappointment? And your friends shocked rreactions?

And when your finacee turns 18, he can get in very very serious trouble.

Are you ready to waken up 7 times a night to feed your baby because she HAS to eat every 2 hours?

Do you know what to feed her? Becuae you can't give her solids, or even water for a while, and then youcan only give her certain solids. They get sick, they need to go to the doctor.. you have to get them health insurance, life insurance, dental insurance, enroll her in school.. and then there's cord blood banking for 2000 dollars. Do you know what that is, or if you would want to do it? the list goes on and on and on.

You should take this cery seriously.

Please.. trust us. We know what we're talkign about. Don't you want to be a kid yourself firsT?

~SY.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

OK, I'm a parent, and this is what I would tell you if you asked me:

Having a baby means you put the child first, always. Babies are incredibly needy and demanding things -- they almost always disturb your sleep habits by waking up many times in the middle of the night, or during the day just when you think you might like a nap. They test your patience like you cannot imagine -- get one with colic, and you can go months hearing them cry all the time they're awake, and there is NOTHING you can do to make it stop.

Having a baby means no going out with friends, ever.

Having a baby will make it much harder for you to finish secondary school, let alone post-secondary.

And, finally, you're going to end up raising the child alone, because there's no way your 17 y.o. b/f is going to stick around.

In other words, yes, you should wait.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

Yea, go ahead - if you don't mind the father being locked up for 7+ years for rape/ sex with a minor, and placed on the sex offenders register. What an excellent start to parenthood - and a shining example to the prospective child.

Listen to Sincerely Yours, she talks much sense and for God's sake - grow up.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

you're waaaaaaay to young, you should wait at least until you're 18

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A female reader, Olivia(Y). United Kingdom +, writes (15 June 2009):

Olivia(Y). agony auntYou don't want to be stuck with a child when you are still a child yourself.

The chances are that you will split from your boyfriend later in life because people change and only very few relationships last from a young age. If you break up then you are both stuck with a child you are not ready for.

Children are not something you can put down when you get bored. They need constent attention, love and they cost money which at 13 and 17 you just don't have to support you and a child.

Wait until you are older and married and have a job that can support you and a child. Having a child at 13 won't let you or your child have a good quality of life.

Livia

xoxox

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

were engadged and im certain he wont leave and he has a good job that pays well

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A female reader, cherry cherry boom boom United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

Don't do that you will be stuck with this child for ever you still have your whole life ahead of you and you don't even know if he is the one so have fun with your friends your only 13. This ya girl peace.

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A female reader, GabiLC United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

GabiLC agony auntYes, you should wait. Have you thought about the pain that your body will be put through during child birth? (at your age, you're probably really small) You do not have the funds to support your child (birth, clothing, food, diapers, medical emergencies, schooling, and all the up-to-date fashions that you would want). When you want to get sleep or go out with friends, you won't be able to. How do you know your boyfriend will stay with you after the child's birth? He can change his mind and leave at any time and you can't make him pay for anything because you two aren't married. You really need to think about these things. I hope this helps.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

Yes you should wait. You are not ready to go through pregnancy. You should still be focusing on what to feed your own body so that it matures correctly, let alone having to provide all the nutrients for the baby while you're pregnant.

In order to have a baby, you should be married, so that you know the father isn't going anywhere, you should be financially stable and not depending on anyone else's money, you should live in your own house, and you should be out of shcool so that you can continue your education. You are still very young, and you need to finish out your childhood. Having a baby will take up all your time and fun.

~SY.

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A female reader, laur2000 United Kingdom +, writes (15 June 2009):

Of course you should wait. Your far too young. Wait till you have finished your educations, have a job, money and a proper place to live. It limits your oppertunities in life. It does you no harm to wait xxx

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntyikes

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

im asking this website so i dont have to ask my parents

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (15 June 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntOf course you should wait...duh. If you don't believe me ask your parents.

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